AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

There is value in learning how to manage though.

There is value in learning how to manage though.

Deserve a medal, what are you talking about? The rest of your post makes little sense. Your posts here and actions in your own life are apparently inconsistent.

My sister became wealthy when her husband died, through inheritance, a life insurance policy and a payment from his workplace. My nephew got a small part of that. He hopefully won’t lose his future wife so won’t get a big ‘payout’ in the same way. He doesn’t ‘need’ our help, he would manage and cope without, but I can make him have more, so I will. Who wants to just manage in life? Not me.

I think you’re enjoying the attention so I’ll not respond further to you as you are derailing the thread.

Possibly, but in the absence of my sister telling me anything despite having the opportunity to, I’m going to help my nephew. I’m confident that my nephew isn’t the issue, I’ve already said his mum said he is easy to live with and hasn’t caused them any issues.

I think the most likely explanation is that her partner doesn’t like that he doesn’t earn much more than my nephew and therefore wants him to pay more and my sister is trying to please her partner. My nephew has always been very compliant so I think it’s possible my sister didn’t expect him to say no to her and hasn’t reacted well to it. If this is the case, I think she wrong and should have told her partner no.

Possibly, but in the absence of my sister telling me anything despite having the opportunity to, I’m going to help my nephew. I’m confident that my nephew isn’t the issue, I’ve already said his mum said he is easy to live with and hasn’t caused them any issues.

I think the most likely explanation is that her partner doesn’t like that he doesn’t earn much more than my nephew and therefore wants him to pay more and my sister is trying to please her partner. My nephew has always been very compliant so I think it’s possible my sister didn’t expect him to say no to her and hasn’t reacted well to it. If this is the case, I think she wrong and should have told her partner no.

Possibly, but in the absence of my sister telling me anything despite having the opportunity to, I’m going to help my nephew. I’m confident that my nephew isn’t the issue, I’ve already said his mum said he is easy to live with and hasn’t caused them any issues.

I think the most likely explanation is that her partner doesn’t like that he doesn’t earn much more than my nephew and therefore wants him to pay more and my sister is trying to please her partner. My nephew has always been very compliant so I think it’s possible my sister didn’t expect him to say no to her and hasn’t reacted well to it. If this is the case, I think she wrong and should have told her partner no.

Nothing bad that I know of. She was a stricter parent than we were and we parented differently and made different choices for our children but I’ve never seen her act like this towards him before. Her partner has been in their lives for years and things have always seemed fine.

I do believe on reading the OP posts that she is rather smug on her parenting - but getting involved in someone else's domestic is imo not very wise. Sure all of MN can get all riled up and whip up a reaction but who's going to be there to pick up the pieces. I am suggesting the OP refrain from making the situation worse by getting so involved, so quickly - I am quite surprised at her haste in agreeing to this long term situation - imo she should have offered temporary accommodation until all the emotions had time to calm themselves. But as you've all said - what do I know! 🙄

I don't need to - I'm not getting involved in breaking up someone else's family.

How have I been smug? By saying we’ve done things differently when all the children were growing up? That’s just fact. I haven’t criticised her for that, (she has criticised us), just said we did things differently and made different choices. I have said my nephew is a lovely person and I’m sure a large part of that has been her input. Again, some posters just want to read bad into everything.

No but I'm not slating her.... precisely because I don't really know.
All I know is that OP is being kind, not smug. Nothing she has said sounded smug imo.

You have no idea why the sister has behaved the way she has done either.

So don't comment if you've no idea! Jeez

I see the sister has weighed in on the situation.

Well done @YearsOfLife for supporting your DN.
My father was much the same as your sister and I left home at 18.
My father stated that I should pay keep of 50% of my wages when I started FT work at 17 plus do most housework and buy my own food. I was nearly always broke but that was my fault apparently because I couldn't 'budget' despite the fact that I was also paying extras for my younger brother who was still at school that dad deemed as unnecessary things (clothes, books etc). When I was at college FT doing A-levels I worked PT while looking after my brother + doing all the household stuff and my father wouldn't give me an allowance for clothing or college books etc while he begrudged feeding me. His parents helped me as much as they could and often gave me a lifeline because my dad refused to discuss anything with his own parents. I failed all my A-levels.

My father said he needed me to pay towards his bills and that it was my duty to help out because he'd been left broke by my mother leaving him.
One day I was doing the ironing when I moved some papers, bills and bank statements from the kitchen table to make room for the ironed clothes. Glancing down at a bank statement I noticed the entry for father's wages - it was 5 times my wages. Curious (yeah I know I shouldn't have looked but....) I looked at the outgoings because I thought if dad was earning that much and couldn't manage then perhaps I should pay more. I added up all the bills....it came to less than I was paying him. So basically I was paying my father's mortgage, utilities, food and petrol every month while he watched me struggle. Some months I didn't have enough for sanitary wear or food (no surprise I was dreadfully underweight and fainted a lot through lack of food) and he was saving all of his wages into savings accounts amounting to ££££££'s.
I never told him that I'd read his statements but asked for a big reduction in keep. He went mad at me telling me that if I felt hard done by then to find somewhere else because I was getting a good deal at home. I found a bedsit and was a bit better off although still poor and he never really forgave me for taking my money away from the household finances.

So I applaud you @YearsOfLife . You are doing a fabulous thing and the right thing. Your sister sounds rather like my own father.

How have I been smug? By saying we’ve done things differently when all the children were growing up? That’s just fact. I haven’t criticised her for that, (she has criticised us), just said we did things differently and made different choices. I have said my nephew is a lovely person and I’m sure a large part of that has been her input. Again, some posters just want to read bad into everything.

I don't need to - I'm not getting involved in breaking up someone else's family.

Omg the irony. And you've no idea either!