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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like i am drowning?

7 replies

Topsyandtimsrabbit · 18/09/2026 06:50

NC for this as have a few people who know me and my username IRL

I have 3 DC aged between 6 and 11 - eldest has recently been diagnosed with ADHD which has been a long drawn out process in itself and currently going through assessments fornASD for my youngest

My youngest has always had physical meltdowns where he will punch/kick/bite however since returning to school this has really increased and every morning I am being rhe target for his frustrations - there is no calming him in the moment but afterwards he gets rather upset and apologises and says his brain made him do it

I currently work 30 hours a week with one day off - exdp collects the DC from school one evening a week and has them every other weekend from 9-5 both days as he does not have anywhere he can have them overnight - nor does he work but hes said he cant commit to having them more (he is also an ex due to emotional abuse towards me and the DC - i could start a whole other thread on his unhinged behaviours but he still insists on making comments whenever dropping off the DC and as much as I do not react to this in the moment it's really stressing me outl

I really feel I am at my wits end with all the constant juggling, appointments, paperwork and work - it never feels like i really have a break because all the time I don't have the DC is spent catching up on life admin/housework

Has anyone else been through similar ? I really feel like im at my absolute limit being used as a punch bag by my youngest every day , he hates going into school so every day is a battle and I just don't know what else I can do 😪

OP posts:
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Topsyandtimsrabbit · 18/09/2026 18:58

justanotherboymum · 18/09/2026 18:34

Do you get DLA for your child? If so, apply for that and maybe that might help you to work slightly less?

I do get DLA for them both and a small amount of UC but ever increasing mortgage costs along with bills mean it's not possible for me to reduce my hours

OP posts:
justanotherboymum · 18/09/2026 18:34

Do you get DLA for your child? If so, apply for that and maybe that might help you to work slightly less?

Topsyandtimsrabbit · 18/09/2026 18:30

jeaux90 · 18/09/2026 13:04

The other thing I want to say is I was a lone parent with no shared care so when she was 4 and started things like stagecoach or tennis I would use that time for myself. A coffee, a swim or just something that made me feel human. So please OP, put your own oxygen mask on first.

Thankyou so much ❤️

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 18/09/2026 13:04

The other thing I want to say is I was a lone parent with no shared care so when she was 4 and started things like stagecoach or tennis I would use that time for myself. A coffee, a swim or just something that made me feel human. So please OP, put your own oxygen mask on first.

jeaux90 · 18/09/2026 13:02

Well it did but I had her in a school with decent SEN support and small class sizes so it was way better for her than all the noise, bells ringing every class change etc

Topsyandtimsrabbit · 18/09/2026 07:36

jeaux90 · 18/09/2026 07:27

My DD has AuDHD. The biggest cause of her anxiety and meltdown was always the school noise/classroom/class size. Is there an alternative school that better meets their needs? Assume the eldest has an EHCP but youngest doesn’t yet so something might come out of that to help. Ex….use grey rock method. Be boring, don’t react and only communicate with him blandly regarding child logistics. He sounds like a useless asshole and I am sorry you are experiencing this.

The eldest EHCP is being finalised as we speak

Sadly specialist school placements appear to be few and far between in my local area else that would be the route i would be looking to go down

Did it get any easier for managing your daughter? I just feel i need to know there is light at the end of the tunnel as i dread every morning and bedtime at the moment 😪

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 18/09/2026 07:27

My DD has AuDHD. The biggest cause of her anxiety and meltdown was always the school noise/classroom/class size. Is there an alternative school that better meets their needs? Assume the eldest has an EHCP but youngest doesn’t yet so something might come out of that to help. Ex….use grey rock method. Be boring, don’t react and only communicate with him blandly regarding child logistics. He sounds like a useless asshole and I am sorry you are experiencing this.

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