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AIBU?

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AIBU in wanting to move daughter for second time in primary school

82 replies

crazystar · 18/09/2026 03:49

’m really torn and would appreciate some honest outside perspective.

My daughter is 6 and currently at a private school, and we pay a significant amount in school fees. On the face of it, she is happy at school. She seems unaware that she hasn’t been invited to a number of parties that are happening around her, and she has never come home upset about being excluded.

The problem is that I’m finding the school much harder than she is.

I’ve increasingly felt singled out and uncomfortable within the parent community. We have less money than many of the families, and we’re also from a different religious and cultural background, which sometimes makes me feel like I don’t quite fit in.

I find myself worrying about what this means for her socially and whether she will eventually become aware of it. I should add she’s some close great friends but isn’t in their class this year.

She is my rainbow baby after a lot of heartache, so I also recognise that I can be quite protective of her. I sometimes wonder whether I’m seeing things through an anxious lens and imagining how her childhood should look , particularly because I want so much for her to have a happy, carefree childhood.

At the same time, I’m thinking: why am I paying so much money for a school where I don’t feel comfortable and where I’m questioning whether we fit? I’ve some good friends at school, I mean I question this as they say I’m over invested and that she’s happy and stop worrying.

I actually want to move her to another school, but our house sale isn’t going through, which makes everything much more complicated and is this running away anyway ?

I suffer from anxiety and I’ve started a demanding job - no both don’t help! Also I had to move her once before due to her previous school closure.

So AIBU to want to leave, even though my daughter is currently happy and hasn’t asked to leave? I think informing myself insane with this.

OP posts:
Ydynigt · 18/09/2026 04:07

Yabu to move a happy child because of perceived future friendship problems she doesn’t yet have and how you feel about the other parents, if these are your standards you are in for a rocky road.

If you can’t afford the school that’s different. It sounds to me as though you need to come to peace with the not fitting in. I don’t really fit in and it’s mostly an illusion, you look at other people and think they fit and you don’t and that’s a loop you’re confirming in your head isn’t it?

some kids not inviting others is normal, everyone gets left out at some stage, get used to it, kids and people don’t click sometimes and that’s ok. It’s only a tragedy if you look for it.

ElefantAndCastle · 18/09/2026 04:06

Pepperama · 18/09/2026 04:01

I’d give it at least till the end of this school year. If she’s got friends and is happy in herself, I certainly wouldn’t pull her out mid year - especially if she’s already had disruption. Why did you move her previously?

Also I had to move her once before due to her previous school closure.

grinandslothit · 18/09/2026 04:02

She is the one going to school, not you

She seems to like it there and is getting along just leave it be

Pepperama · 18/09/2026 04:01

I’d give it at least till the end of this school year. If she’s got friends and is happy in herself, I certainly wouldn’t pull her out mid year - especially if she’s already had disruption. Why did you move her previously?

3luckystars · 18/09/2026 04:00

Don’t move her if she is happy. It’s the best you can hope for, school is a minefield. Money can’t smooth this over, wherever she goes there will be ups and downs, you have to ride it out and give it time.
Good luck x

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 18/09/2026 03:54

I think if dd is happy. Leave her there she is.

It takes time to build relationships and at 6 she has been in school what 2 years and already been moved once...you are going to do more harm to her than good of you move her if she is settled.

Your issues about being isolated and excluded are exactly that. Your issues.

Being honest with yourself. How much effort have you made to build relationships with people.

ElefantAndCastle · 18/09/2026 03:53

She is 6 yo and you want to move her for a 3rd time? But yes, paying a fortune for a private school you are not happy about doesn't make sense. Save the money for later unless you are rich.
Make sure it's the last move in primary school I would say.