AIBU to enforce lights out for my 7 year old bookworm?

Could you try audio books? That way he's 'reading' but lying quietly (and might well fall asleep). He sounds like my eldest DD, (ADHD). She'd read all night if allowed to - and would very very quietly get out of bed and turn the lights back on after I'd turned them out. I'd often only notice when I was going to bed myself and saw the light under the door.

Bookworms will always find a way. I was one, but I’ve been fighting this battle for more than 10 years with my now 18 year old.

I'm nearly 40 and I still haven't developed the ability to put down a good book when I need to sleep. I'm with you OP, lights out at 8. 7 is too young to let him decide his own bedtime.

There are two different questions asked in the OP:

1. Should I oversee/enforce lights out at some time?
2. Should that time be 8pm?

For a 7 year old I'd say yes to the first and 'it depends ' to the second- both on the child and what else is going on. Some thrive on an early sleep time. Later bedtimes for Fridays, holidays etc seems sensible.

DM was a strict believer in random bedtimes. I was a bookworm and early riser and my lights had to be turned off at arbitary times that had no connection with my sleep needs.

I'm not sure why it was such a great virtue was in having to be bored in bed for 1-2 hours each night, and risking a bollocking for daring to read by streetlight or the crack of light at the door "you'll ruin your eyes!" to pass the time when I could have been quietly reading with a lamp. I was still awake long before anyone else in the house every morning and quietly entertained myself in the hours before anyone else got up.

A routine of winding down to promote sleep is important but it does need to work with children's own circadian rhythms. There are average recommended sleep times, which means that there are children who do need less than average too.

A lumie type clock with a sunset feature could be useful at gradually fading the light to encourage sleepiness and putting down a book.

This brings back memories of me reading under the bedcovers with a torch at an even younger age then your son, then claiming I must have accidentally left the torch switched on when I had to ask for new batteries!! I am sure my Mum knew!

I don't think a 7 year old can understand the connection between lack of sleep and feeling pants the next day. I think reading as late as he likes is a weekend and holiday treat.

DS was the same at that age, whilst its wonderful he also struggled the next morning if he didnt get enough sleep. We would enforce lights out school nights, but weekends and school holidays he could read as long as he wanted really; he did soon learn cause and effect and would be more disciplined about stopping himself during the week.

But 8pm isn't bedtime, 7pm is and lights out is at 8pm. He has his tea at 5pm, it's no wonder he's waking at 6am, poor thing is probably hungry (if the rest of the family doesn't get up till 7 he's going 14h between meals). She should try eating together as a family at a normal tea time and push bedtime back accordingly, I bet that combination would push back wake up time as well (unless there is a noise outside at 6am that is waking him). The English are obsessed with packing away their children early in the evening and then being surprised they wake up early. But this isn't about bedtime, it's about dictating to a child when they can read in bed. Just let the poor boy read if he wants to.

I found it interesting that it's something you and your DH still struggle with as adults and therefore your son should learn it 'sooner rather than later'. That's really common- people think parenting is about future-proofing adults rather than developmentally appropriate parenting of the particular child they have. See also adults that moan their parents didn't make them start an instrument/learn a language from young childhood, instead of just having a bash at making the changes they want to their current, adult self.

Bringing up kids is absolutely not a 'sooner rather than later' process. You have to constantly adjust for the stage they're at and give them the support they need at that time. He'll need a supported lights out time for probably a good few years yet.

I would enforce the bedtime. He's not old enough to really make the connection between being a bit ratty the next day and that being because he's tired. I mean, I stay up late reading and then refuse to acknowledge that's why I have a short temper the next day, and I'm 44 😂

When he's a bit older - maybe 9/10 - you can start letting him stretch it a bit.

8pm bedtime sounds fine if he's getting up at 6am. My 7 year old goes to sleep around 9pm, but wakes up around 7am (today it was 7.45) so the same sleep, just later because he's in after school club until 6pm most days.

I read a lot. Did as a kid. I shared a bedroom with a sibling who just went straight to sleep. Natural night owl and hated going to bed. I love, love reading. I used to read in the dark (by the window using the light of the street light outside!). I probably did suffer a bit from being tired in the morning. But I was always like that. Just more alert at night. Not sure what the answer is! But I hated early bedtime when all I wanted to do was read (and subsequently found a way round).

I really don't think 8pm for a 7 year old is an early bedtime. As someone who has an early riser who has never shifted his wake up time any later no matter what time he goes to bed I would be wary of pushing it much later. All that is likely to happen is he will get less sleep and be more tired.

Don’t get into the trap of thinking a sensible bedtime is “stingy”. My 13yo is asleep by 9pm. 7 is tiny - he needs to rest. It sounds like he gets plenty of opportunities to read.
Later on you’ll find clubs etc run much later and it’s a total pain. Make the most of the peaceful evenings while they last

He's eating tea and going to bed very early, my kids were being picked up from after school club around 6pm, eating tea about 7pm and going to bed by 9pm at that age. I'd let him read as long as he wants, particularly at the weekend, and he'll eventually shift to a later wake up time when he's tired enough.

I understand the need for boundaries and sticking to bedtime so he gets enough sleep. If he was staying up gaming it would be a no brainer - but it seems wrong to stop a child from reading!

My 12 year old was reading u til 2/3 in the morning in the holidays. I doubt a 7 year old would have any self control. Maybe you could experiment on weekends or holidays with letting him decide.

I'd link earlier lights out times with grumpiness. If he stays up late reading but is ok the next day that's fine. If he's hangry/naughty from a lack of sleep then he needs a bit more sleep and a bit less reading time. There's every reason for encouraging him to try to self regulate and then helping him when it doesn't go to plan so he knows the link and can feel the difference in his body between 8 and 10 hours sleep.

I just can’t! I lose the will after a chapter of any of my 8 year olds books. It’s the reading aloud part, I hate it!

I see both points of view, but I’m 45 years older than your lad and don’t self regulate my reading.

If my DH doesn’t “encourage” me to switch it off I fall asleep with my kindle in my hand.

Sleep is really important (I’m a terrible hypocrite) so I would gently enforce lights out.

But I would also allow the occasional “read as long as you like” session on holiday - reading through the night is wonderful!