AIBU to be fed up of being the only one that remembers?

This is what we have and it’s saved us so many times. We have it set so the next events coming up show on our phone screens. It helps a lot but it still needs people to remember it’s theirs to sort. But better than not having it. Kids got a lot better at putting their things on the calendar too.

Well I certainly wouldn’t be reminding a teenager that he has a club for a start. How has he forgotten that? At that age, I would have been reminding my parents that I had the club so they didn’t make me tea and working out how to get the bus there. You don’t get to be a fully functional adult without having gone through a semi independent teen stage first.

Take this as an opportunity to teach your son - you don’t want your teen son to end up like DH - expecting someone else- his partner to play mummy is not ok and not what real life is about. So from now on he can check the calendar- update his phone diary if he has one and work it out himself.

Also

1. doing own washing
2. organising logistics on how to get their etc etc

As for husband read the riot act - you are not his mummy - feeling like his mummy makes your vag clamp shut and he steps up

• dashes are how I talk long before AI so it’s not AI generated

Stop doing it.

I now make a point of ensuring that things that matter to ME do happen.

I will remind DH or DS about other stuff, but unless I will be personally affected if something gets overlooked, I don't get involved.

Don't know which way to vote as YANBU to find it frustrating, but YABVU to be facilitating this apparent helplessness.

Suggestions include having a time each week when you, dh, and the dc all look at your calendars and talk through the week together. So, if there is somewhere your ds (not sure if there is more than one dc or not?) needs to be driven, you and dh agree who is taking him / them and who is fetching, or who is arranging to life share with other parents, and your ds has it made very clear to him what the arrangement is that week and what he needs to have packed the night before (boots and kit or trunks and towel etc).

Also that everyone takes responsibility for who is cooking dinner that evening (all part of the taking responsibility thing, and checking in calendars who is in / out / arriving late / going out early / can't eat or needs to eat early or late because of an activity).
As everyone has said above, STOP reminding them when you are at work.
Make your dc take responsibility by not answering all their questions but asking them what they think the answer is.
Let your dc make mistakes, and take the consequences of forgetting things. They need to learn all of that for life generally.

Was your husband a loser when you married him?

Just stop reminding them

for example, when my eldest started secondary school I cycled the half hour to school with her the week before (which she hated), when we got home I said “Now you know what you can do if you ever miss your bus. I and your dad work full time, we will never be able to take you. Get up, ready and go on time or cycle in, up to you.”

she’s missed the bus once in four years and needless to say always sorts herself out independently each morning.

Repeat for each activity. This is training for adulthood, I am here for support but I am nobody’s PA. Yes we have a family calendar we all use, but if people forget to look then they miss out 🤷‍♀️

The mental load ! Abbey Eckel talks about it a lot online.
as your children are older-put a big family planner in the kitchen so they can step up

Stop the reminders ! As long as the info is on a family calendar then that’s your job done - leave them to it. Missing a couple of sports sessions will soon focus your DS about remembering which in turn will get your DH to remember to check if he is being nagged by your DS. Unfortunately no one else is taking responsibility as you are acting as their PA with constant reminders so they don’t need to think about it.

Get a family calendar on your phones, the principal calendar is my Gmail one and they all have access via email invite. And ensure notifications are set to 1hr/30 mins prior.... we all have a different colour.

Or stop being a martyr and tell them to.set up their own calendars with their own commitments

I agree stop, but just stopping will cause a row. Tell them you’re not reminding them about x y z and suggest some things they can do instead. Say it calmly at a time when they haven’t JUST forgotten something or it’ll seem like a reactive response and they won’t believe it.

youve managed them this far, manage them into independence :-)

Go on a week's conference and block out your home calendar. Do nothing for any of them for a full week. They won't die from having to be responsible but you could head yourself into a stress induced heart attack.

Stop doing it all for them as though they're toddlers?

Leave it to them, they are perfectly capable of remembering but they just don’t have to whilst you are there. Tell them you are dropping the ball then just drop it.

Stop being a martyr and let them get on with it!

If the kids are teens then let them miss it/be late

Stop doing it. They are never going to pick up the slack while you are doing it all/reminding them numerous times! Can you have a family planner in the kitchen - then everyone can see what needs to be done and there's no excuses!

You need to stop being everyone's safety net - if they miss out on things, are late for things, then that's on them.

Get amnesia yourself and forget to be their secretary. 💅
Don't be a suffering saint. 🫩
Both teen and hubby are old enough to suffer consequences of being late /missing out on clubs.

Don't be a scapegoat either when they try to blame you for not reminding them to wipe their own ass. 😉
@VictoriaSponge987

The simple, sensible and only advice is to stop doing it. And don't worry about the results.

Stop doing it? The teenager should be organising his own stuff, if he doesn't bother that's fine, let him deal with the consequences.
Has your husband always been incapable?

Suggest systems beyond you reminding (calendar, alarms, sticky note on front door) and then leave them to it. Natural consequences.

It's time to start letting your kids miss out. It's the only way they'll learn any responsibility.

This. Otherwise you're fucked im afraid.

It’s called the mental load. They don’t bother because you pick up the shortfall. How do you move on tricky. Essentially drop the things that don’t bother you and if they bother others it will eventually get picked up. Good luck

edited to add for husband ask him to own outcome not task but let him do it his way and give constructive feedback if necessary

You start by remembering to address this one question:

Who owns the problem?

Your teen is old enough to own his/her timekeeping and commitment to the sports team.