Am I unreasonable for wanting sex while my husband sulks about my salary?

So his previous allowance was €10k per month and yours is now €13k? Why is it so difficult to just do €12k each?

With the amounts involved, it’s probably just bollocks, as so many posts are on here.

lol - don’t bite. Very obvious attempt to reverse sexes and see the response.

You either do things 50/50 and he gets equal spending money or you don’t and you pay proportionally for everything based on earnings.

As you’ve done 50/50 until now, you just want it your way now you’re earning more.

You being so unreasonable, it’s ridiculous.

I can’t say I’d want to have sex with my partner if he had your attitude. I’d be rethinking my relationship if I was him after you’ve shown this side of yourself.

Why don’t you just adjust how much you contribute to the joint account for bills according to your salaries rather than making it sound as though you’re “giving him” £1000 spending money per month.

Share money. You are in this together and frankly if you ever get divorced it’s split equally anyway.

Why are you not just sharing. Problem solved.

Do of the other way round. Your salaries go into the joint account and you both take out the same amount for personal spends, into your personal accounts.

Anything else is unfair.

Although I guess this is often in cases where the DW has put her career on hold/ the back burner to cover more of the childcare? Thus facilitating the DH to earn more.

And it doesn’t sound like the OP’s DH has done anything to facilitate the Op, with their kids being older.

Not saying the OP has approached this well, but there may be a distinction to be drawn.

He sounds like a weak man ('bruised ego') and you sound entitled, egotistical and domineering. You both just sound awful.

I am not convinced that the reason he does not wish to have sex with you is because of a 'bruised ego', though.

I also don't think I believe that your salary increased by 50%.

My husband and I have equal spending money, even though his salary is triple mine. The rest goes into joint account/savings/investments. If you feel you need more of the family money to pay for skin care and wellness, it needs a conversation with your husband imo. My husband usually pays for more meals out etc to even it out because I do spend more money on toiletries/hair appointments etc than he does. I can see why your husband is hurt if you assumed the extra earnings were yours without a conversation.

This sounds like a man writing.

You are a family and money should be pulled surely - otherwise where does it end.
you earn say 400,000 and he earns say 100,000 and you still split bills 50:50. You might want to go on Safari holidays and to the Caribbean and he can’t afford it?

Whatever about the financials, a relationship where I was left with significantly more money for myself every month than my wife while we split bills 50/50 wouldn't be for me but everyone has different arrangements and history might add context, adding him i your wellness package and club seems like a plan that could backfire spectacularly to me.

Rather than organising finances so he has equal leisure money you're now going to be administering the additional leisure money but at your discretion and once again unilaterally. If he's already fucked off it's going to come across as "no of course you can't have the money to spend as you please, but you can have access to some of the money for things which I deem to be an acceptable use of the money. "

I don't understand, you agreed the extra money would go towards savings but actually you're taking a portion of that on spending it on things for yourself? Nothing wrong with spending some money on yourself but each partner should have an equal amount of spending the money.

I wouldn't be feeling too amorous if I was in your husband's shoes 🙄

Could you imagine if a man wrote this thread?

I don’t think you’ve been fair to your husband in your approach.

I think there should have been an open discussion about how the money was to be used.

I can understand you wanting to have more personal spends because you are presumably working harder for your money than you were before, or at least have more stress. With your kids being older, I assume your DH hasn’t picked up more “childcare” or anything to enable you to earn more money?

However, the general principle on MN is equal spends for each partner from the joint pot. So at the very least it’s a conversation with each person’s view being heard equally.

A lot of men do not like women earning more money than them. Even men who are liberal and want 50/50, a lot of the time they think it’s fine for a woman to earn more - just not “their woman”. Keep that in mind.

He doesn’t owe you sex, but sulking because you out earn him is a big red flag and I would keep an eye on it.

edit: also congrats on your promotion!

your poor husband
if this was a woman posting about having to go 50/50 with all the expenses with a husband who out earned her by 50% - we would call this financial abuse. And the expectation/sulking about no sex ! People would be crying LTB !

Whilst he was also moaning about not getting laid enough 😅

You are not being much of a team player here OP and if I was your DP I wouldn't be feeling very inclined to have sex with you either.

YABmassivelyU. Your proposed financial arrangements are very unfair on your husband and you expect him to have sex with you despite you acting in a hurtful way- even though you claim he doesn't owe you sex, everything else in your post reads as if you think he does.

Your stress and hormones are irrelevant. Have a wank. You sound like one of those men constantly on about their needs 😬

We pay proportionally to all household bills and spending so we end up with the same amount for personal spending and savings. We do earn similar at the moment but we haven’t always and we won’t always do this is the fairest way. We’re married and a team.

I think that the day to day expenses should be pro rata rather than 50:50. Probably pensions and investments too tbh. You are being a greedy, cf and I can see how it would affect his arousal towards you.

In my marriage we have equal spending money. I’d think it very unfair if only one of us got an increase to that in your situation. We’re a team and contribute roughly 70:30 in our house.

If a woman came on saying her husband expected spending to be 50:50 when he out earned her by 50%, she’d be told that he was totally unreasonable and financially abusive..

I think you’re totally bu

the 50:50 should now move to 75:25 or whatever your incomes now are so you both get the benefit of the overall household increase