Am I unreasonable for wanting sex while my husband sulks about my salary?

I agree with that.

I'll bet my house that the OP is the husband here

So you got more money and now , months later, you're magnanimously offering him the same wellness package? But you didn't do it at the time.

You told him where you're spending the money... then months later offered him 1k. You didnt do it at the time

and why 1k? If it isn't half then you don't share the calendar of halfsies OR what's mine is mine- it's a half-way meaningless gesture that neither concedes to a shared position position or holds your line.

"He"* isn't witholding sex. He just doesn't want to fuck you because he's put off you.

*He, because this sounds like a bloke pissed off at a woman 🤨

I’m not sexually attracted to greedy, money grabbing men so my view would be opposite. I wouldn’t want to have sex with him at all.

Yeah I don't get why it costs more to be a woman

Yeah, it's very clumsy.

This is love ?
This is a marriage ?

Bollocks, this is transactional.

It’s not her money, it’s their money.

I didn't say she does? I just pointed out the flipping obvious that being a woman does not cost more than being a man. Unless you're saying that haircuts, health clubs and clothes are strictly only for females and necessary to the survival of the female sex? 😑

Yes and being a woman who has earned her money, she has the choice to spend it on the haircuts, health clubs, clothes etc that make her happy. Why the hell she should temper her choice for a man throwing a tantrum is beyond me.

All of this.

It doesn’t cost more to be a woman.

Here’s a wild suggestion to be making to someone who is senior enough at work to have this problem: talk to your husband (or wife?), ask what is upsetting them and discuss like adults then be prepared to change the current arrangement and apologise.

It sounds like some kind of 💩

All the comments above yours have said OP is in the wrong. “If a man blah blah blah” is boring and unnecessary.

Bloody hell, fancy having so much spare money and still arguing about it.
This does sound like some kind of reverse.

And to your question personally, no. I cannot have sex with people I am pissed off with.

Doesn’t sound like you were interested in a fair and balanced:discussion till your husband expressed displeasure. I don’t understand this kind of financial arrangement between married couples tbh. At a minimum I think household costs ( which includes joints savings and investments) should be contributed to proportionately and then having a discussion about the “rest”. I don’t necessarily think you need the same spending money but that should be discussed.

Your husband’s behaviour is also childish too though.

"It simply costs more to be a woman"

Sorry? The only thing I absolutely need to buy that my DH doesn't need is period products (and in my situation bras!) Every other cost associated with "being a woman" is a choice.

I think the issue with the money is that you aren't actually approaching this as as a joint decision about your finances. Your approaching it like you have the money and get to dole it out like pocket money.

He doesn't want an allowance from you. He wants the split of your finances to be a fair reflection of your incomings. You earn 50% more than him, so your share of the household bills should be 50% more.

It's different if the entirety of your new salary was going into shared savings etc, but if you've increased you personal allowance by 30% that isn't the case.

When one partner significantly out-earns the other, in my opinion the fairest way to split bills is proportionately to income.

The sex thing appears childish (from him) on the face of it, but is he actually being spiteful, or is he feeling emotionally disconnected and therefore not in the mood?

This is a loving marriage so you both need to approach the issue with love and empathy. Ask him what a fair financial picture looks like to him. Recognise that giving him an allowance while still holding the purse strings isn't the same as both of you paying a proportionate contribution. Tell him you miss the intimacy and would like to resolve this situation holistically, with both of you comfortable with the result.

It’s your money and it simply costs more to be a woman. I don’t think that all financial decisions require consensus. Of course you want to top up your own investments and pensions. I’m fairly sure you’re doing the kids’ too.

Dont add him to the health plan - that sounds like a weird and controlling I told you so, and isn’t addressing his desire to have autonomy in the financial decision making.

You’re a high earner in your mid-40s (so presumably very senior) who just received a 50% pay rise and you want to keep it to yourself instead of share it with your husband and father of your three teenagers?

I don’t believe in completely pooling finances in a relationship, but this seems particularly selfish/inconsiderate.

I would start by changing the 50/50 split of joint expenses to 70/30 or whatever your higher pay now dictates. Contribution to shared expenses should be proportionate to pay.

You've switched from pounds to euros, OP.

Some of these numbers don't add up if you're in the UK (for example, to be earning enough to give yourself £13k a month personal allowance, you'd have very limited scope to put money into a pension).

You are married - what's yours is also his.

By all means have separate fun accounts for personal purchases and walking around money, but the rest should go in a joint account. You need to apologise.

Sort out the finances and the sex will sort itself out.

If an extra 1k a month is a 10% uplift on his previous 'personal spend' allowance that means he's gone from 10k a month to 11k a month and you've gone from 10k a month to 13k a month?

Unless my Maths is failing me?

Feels like there is enough money flying around here that you should be able to have a very nice life and not fall out over it. Certainly enough for you to buy yourself a very good vibrator.