AIBU for taking our young children home before the wedding meal?

Wouldn’t it make more sense for them to skip the ceremony and be there for the fun part?

I’d just nod along and say, “okay we’ll see”and then just carry on with Plan A Nobody will care on the day. If anyone asks just say they were feeling tired so they’ve gone for a nap, might be back later, vague vague.

@Emma198800 - if your sister is willing to hang around and help out during the meal, can you keep the children there for the meal, and see how it goes? If they are unhappy or acting in a way that is spoiling the day, then people will understand why your sister is taking them home - but if they cope well enough, they can stay a bit longer - if that makes sense.

I will say that it is a lot to expect a 1 year old and a 3 year old to sit quietly and behave appropriately during a formal dinner and the speeches afterwards - it’s not a reflection on them or on your parenting - it is just a very big ask of small people.

Another possible compromise would be your sister taking the children away during the meal and speeches, which would be the hardest part for them and for you to cope with, and then they come back for a while for the dancing.

It's all very well the bride and groom saying they want them there but most likely on the actual day they'll barely interact with them as they'll be enjoying themselves with their friends.

How much food do you think a 3 and a 1 year old will eat?!
The B&G will NOT have paid for full plates for them...

I would perhaps point out that with your DH on the top table (?)/ best man duties you'll be trying to wrangle them both at once and the likelihood of them therefore being disruptive during speeches is quite high....

Yanbu. My BIL got married a few months ago. My 3 year old did stay for the meal but thankfully they arranged for the kids food to arrive before the adults. She was collected just as she finished eating and it was the best decision. I put her pjs on after the food and she had a sleepover with her cousins. Kids under 5 and weddings are stressful, I spent the day running after her and didn't relax until she was collected.

You keep saying that you want to enjoy it... Does that mean get drunk? Surely you'd want your kids at a family event where they'll get to spend time with family? Your husband very likely WANTS his kids there too.
If bride and groom have asked them to be there then yes, that trumps you wanting to enjoy yourself.

All the promises will fall to the side. No one will give a toss by dinner. You’ll be left looking after them trying to eat your dinner. They’re there for the photos, it’s enough. Enjoy your meal.

I agree. Bit of main character energy going on.

I eusally got grumpy and restless by the time the pictures are done at weddings so I can't imagine 2 small kids not doing so

Just tell your husband as long as he remembers he’s a dad first and best man second that they can stay longer at the wedding as long as he takes responsibility for one of them whilst you have the other.

YANBU at all, as you will be looking after them. Your DH will be busy with his family, his best man duties. It's your call.

Who says she doesn't? Isn't she allowed to eat a meal or attend an event without the ?

I’d have discussed the plans with DH rather than making a unilateral decision. Why’s it solely up to you?

OMFG, have you ever tried to keep a 1 and 3 year old sat, fairly quietly at a table, during someone else's event? While also trying to eat and while people want to put champagne glasses down within reach? You can't walk around because there's serving staff and you've got to give respect to the top table.

I would meet half way, let them stay for the meal sitting on the aunts table.
It depends on the children, when mine were that young they wouldn’t have sat through a wedding party quietly.
I love children at weddings, not dozens but close families little ones. I have great memories as a DC going to family weddings.

Normally it's the other way round, no children!
Your kids, you do what you see fit. Why on earth does their uncle get to dictate? They are very young, it's likely will get overwhelmed and tired isn't it? That's no fun for anyone.

Ridiculous comment. Children that young won’t really enjoy a wedding and will likely be hard work and disruptive. Parents can do things without their children you know. It doesn’t mean they hate them

It's a family event and the kids are family, so I'd keep them there. Get them picked up in time for bed and you can relax in the evening. Tbh I usually find the ceremony is the stressful bit for keeping them quiet, far more opportunities for them to chat and get up and walk about between courses during the meal.

Yes, let's absolutely shame the parent who would love an evening off. How very dare she 🤣🤣

YANBU. No doubt your DH will be at the top table if he's best man and giving a speech, which will leave you trying to mind and feed two very young children on your own. Your own meal will be cold before you get to it, if you even get to it. Then you have to keep them quiet and occupied during the speeches. The DC will be there for the ceremony, and can be seen by relatives during the photo session (which often goes on forever). I'd think by then the DC will be getting grumpy and restless so a good time for them to make an exit before the meal.

I also agree that this isn’t about you- sorry. It’s DH’s side of the family, his family want to see the kids and he wants the kids there. I do think it’s kind of one of those occasions where you have to let him decide, accept help (and make him help as much as is feasible), and then have some time for yourself another time (maybe the renowned Mumsnet spa a few weeks after!!).

I think it's unreasonable to expect your husband to always put you first. In most situations yes, but in the case of a rare and special event like a family wedding I think it's reasonable to prioritise their wishes.

Sorry but I do think it’s a bit of a shame for the rest of the family not to be able to get to interact with them over the meal and for the kids to leave without the most fun bit. No sitting on granny’s knee, chatting to relatives, eating fun food, hiding under the table, being fussed by extended family. And yes I know this is absolutely exhausting for you but they are young for a relatively short time and it’s good for kids to start to be part of large occasions like this at a young age- it helps them socialise, get used to interacting with people and see lots of people who love them/ eachother. And sometimes these occasions are the only chance some people get to see them- plus you know it’s DH’s preference. You could always take them outside to play for the speeches and isn’t there likely to be a bit of a nap for both of them. Could you not leave after the meal and have the evening then to yourself?