Being offended by being left on read after sex

If it's a casual thing, I found it's really awkward when the other person develops feelings and wants more and you can always tell. Here, it's pretty obvious OP wants more with this guy and got carried away and he's likely to pull back or just stop seeing her. It's not fair for her to change the goalposts but it's also not fair for him to take advantage of her feelings and keep seeing her when she's becoming emotionally invested so fast that she's offended he didn't do anything about her cloying text.

Only if she is truly capable of that. Many aren’t.

Also - the Orgasm Gap is real.

I had many FWBs before I settled down with my DH, but I never developed feelings for any of them. Sex was the only thing I was interested in.

If you want a friends-with-benefits arrangement, I think you have to accept that the benefits do not generally include long romantic text exchanges. Perhaps it is a sign that this kind of arrangement is not right for you.

I would imagine that in a FWB scenario, it would usually be the woman who ends up developing feelings and wants more - but am I correct??? Surely it must be the other way round sometimes, or am I wrong?

What is the problem?

"He messaged me straight after to say it was amazing (which it was, I told him that at the time)".

You may need to adjust your expectations. Can you handle a friends-with-benefits scenario @Lollipop7654 ?

This

Well it can be of course and often is but I think to be honest it's probably the woman who gets attached to the man in these scenarios.

It's usually the woman who gets the shitty end of the deal.
He's having a great time. Sex with zero obligations.

The equivalent would be a woman who can get a man to do relationshippy stuff with no intention of sleeping with him ever.

Not that she should of course but we all know of women who exploit in this way too.

I've done it when younger. Been on dates to nice restaurants with men paying that I had no attraction to. I'm not proud of it.

Neither sex are always nice, considerate people.

Sounds like he’s in his cave because he likes you but is also totally freaked out by the thought of being in another relationship.

Isn’t it also a win/win for the woman because she gets to have sex without any of the downsides of a relationship?

And it’s the 21st century - surely people go on dates, rather than men “taking” women on them like an accessory.

I think a conversation has to end somewhere and he could probably have wrapped it up more nicely. I do think it sounds like you are lying yourself about just sex once in a while being ok. I don’t think he has done anything massively wrong but I also think you should keep things platonic with him (as in don’t have sex with him again as I think you seem to want more emotional connection than that).

i think perhaps your last message was a bit "relationshippy" and it perhaps made him back off?

Of course and that’s why you need to know what you’re getting into with FWB. It can work for some people but if you start to catch the “feels” for someone that’s the time either to pull back or say that you’re not interested and stop it.

In fairness to the guy, he’s been pretty clear about what he wants. It’s OP who has moved the goalposts.

Slow your roll.

It's sex with no strings. He's been very clear he doesn't want a relationship and your after text sounds like you were in your feels and you really do want a relationship with him.

To be fair, the word 'worth' does not apply to someone's worth as a human being in the so - called context of the manosphere.

It just applies to worth as regards sexual interdynamics. Or rather which one of the two people is the winner or loser.

I don't doubt that there are indeed women enjoying fwb arrangements. There is, however, a lot of women who get emotionally attached to men who frankly are just using them for sex.

And it is usually the woman who gets attached.

In this instance the man is the winner here in that he gets sex with no outlay, no effort, no commitments whatsoever and usually no expectation to be monogamous.

The woman in this situation is undoubtedly the losing party.

This is undeniable, however, it has nothing to do with her worth as a person. I want to be clear about that.

Your message was too full on.
Do not indicate to a FWB that you want more, it likely won't be reciprocated and you will feel a bit daft.
Don't worry now. Play it cool, keep busy and reconsider if you can have FWB or not.
It's not for everyone, I say this with kindness as I could never do it - I always got feelings in the past.

"worth" what in the Andrew Tate/1950'S bullshit is this. Have you just stepped out of a time machine? Plenty of women are very happy having no strings sex. You need to to do some reading, we aren't all you.

You've got your timelines wrong. He was already helping her out with DIY and being a friend. THEN they went to dinner and he said he was not looking for a relationship and OP said she didn't either. Then they had sex.

He seems to have been very open that he just wants someone he is friendly with to have sex with. But not a relationship.

Unless OP wants this set up too, this is a bad deal for her as she is the one who will end up getting hurt.

I wondered this. It’s ok to change your mind and decide you want something more

“He made it clear he didn't want a relationship. I said I don't either”

YABU. And he did text you after you had sex. He didn’t reply to another text about something else.

He's probably feeling a bit overwhelmed...you being annoyed and getting snippy with him and cancelling plans will put him right off. Give your head a wobble OP. No wonder men think woman are all such hard work.

Some of the replies on this are harsh. Many times emotions change after sex, especially for women. We are left so vulnerable afterwards. It's not something we can control.

Op I wouldn't emotionally invest in this man if he isn't going to reciprocate. Move on and mind yourself.

Why are you bothered if you both agreed to no relationship? I think you might be in denial about wanting such a casual arrangement if this is how you feel about him not responding to a text message.

Sometimes they take the FWB literally without the friendship. They just want the sex. Some people are fine with that. It wouldn’t be for me.
Are you sure you are okay with it?

You both agreed that neither of you wanted a relationship right now. But then he behaved quite like a boyfriend—helping you out, taking you to an appointment and generally being there for you.
You had sex, it was amazing, and afterwards he was affectionate and hugged you. Then the next day, he left your message unread and didn’t respond. That does feel like a real change of pace compared with his previous words and actions.
I think he sent mixed signals, although your last message may have done the same. It’s easily done, especially when you’ve both said you only want something casual. You can agree to be friends with benefits, then have sex and discover it’s brought up slightly different feelings. It happens to the best of us.
I agree with the people saying you should pick up the phone and talk to him. You’re both grown-ups, so have an honest conversation. Then you’ll have a better sense of whether he was simply being nice because he wanted sex, or whether he’s pulled back because it suddenly felt a bit too real.
But I’d also say this isn’t only about him and what he wants. The most important question is: what do you actually want?