Being offended by being left on read after sex

The comment was weird and off putting for someone who doesn’t want a relationship. Simple as that.

A friends with benefits relationship sometimes ends up with one of the friends hoping for more and trying too hard to read things into behaviours that aren't there to be read.. Try not to get yourself into this trap. Be careful with romantic emojis.

I think you expected a more engaged emotional response, but he either ignored that aspect given both of you said you were not for a relationship, or he just read it as a closing message. Try not to overthink it, but make sure that you are comfortable with the terms of relationship as it stands.

Totally agree.
In all honesty I doubt that this guy will hang around if there's no sex.
Unless he is crazily attracted to her: emotionally, mentally, sexually.

She'd have to be his dream woman.

Men don't usually want to become actual proper friends with women in adulthood.
Acquaintances are not the same.

Best if OP relied on female friends and the only men she should be relying on are family members that she trusts.

Honestly OP, it's not just you: They're also a massive head fuck for women because sex is designed for attachment. Blame oxytocin!

Also, FWB is a perfect set-up for avoidant people. Another sure fire way to mess with your head.

X

Just read your update. He sounds like a really good friend and who knows in time it may develop but you rightly need to get yourself in a better place regardless. I am going through divorce and had a cancer scare at the beginning of it all. It is a horrible scary lonely time all round and sometimes I am just desperate for a hug. So I totally get it. Try to keep going the best you can and get stronger. Divorce is awful.

It may have been the heart emoji that did it, I know its scared me off before if I think they're getting too intense even if I do want a relationship one day, especially if its started as casual. He may have been thinking about how to respond or even thinking he likes you more than he realised! I know I will back off a little at first and see how they are if I'm concerned they'll start getting too much too soon even if I'm really into a guy lol.

Id give it a little space and open up a conversation about it if you really like him, he probably just need some space. The first fling after divorce can be really hard to get your head around and navigate

@Lollipop7654
I think some of the replies here have been overly harsh as regards you getting attached to this man.

Fwbs are usually a f*king joke.

They don't take into account the way feelings will inevitably change and goalposts shift.

They don't take into account that men profit heavily from them and the cool girl shite of not getting attached for women is not the norm.

I'm not anti casual sex per se but one night stands are far more straightforward.

Keeping him purely as a friend may be the better option for you right now but please don't be surprised if he doesn't want to be one to you if there's no sex.

Frankly he'd have to be in love to hang around doing you favours if no sex.
Please be prepared to have other sources of back-up.
All the best.

Are you sure you want a FWB, OP?

It's just, there is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, and from that message you sent, it sounds like maybe you do.

I'm thinking you protest too much, and you absolutely do want a relationship. If you didn't there's no way you'd be this annoyed.

@Spidey66 me too! I misread it as she was left on the road, too! 😂

Hi, I didn’t see this before writing my reply. Am on a tiny iPhone SE2020 phone.

So sorry to hear about the health stress. Definitely sounds like FWB is not for you at this time. Hugs xxx

I get it. He could have reacted to the text at least
It is rude of him and I would feel the same way
Sometimes men show their true colours once they have had sex with you, some men are just a bit lacking in social communication. Sounds like the silly guy has done himself out of a really great FWB arrangement though because of his poor communication. He gonna be kicking himself for that one.

Wishing you all the best with your appointment at the hospital . I do think you are getting harsh replies in here . Yes, you may have wanted only FWB but your feelings changed after you slept with him . None of us know how we should and should not feel at times , feelings come and go and they change all the time, that is human nature .
Anyway , I hope your friendship with him continues and that he gets in touch . At least you know going forward that FWB is not for you .

Sounds like he's got the ick.

He left you on read because you agreed no relationship then you sent him the sort of emotional message (bed smells like you) that is only sent between someone catching the feels. He doesn’t want to lead you on.

I think your message probably came across a bit strong for when you are not looking to be in a relationship. Once you are feeling more steady I would just message back and ask to meet up as normal. Then you can tell him even though the sex was great you are keen tp just stay friends as you don't want to change things between you. He is probably of a similar mind.

TBH if I was him I might not have replied to your message as I would not have know how to reply. But it is totally understandable given the health scare you've mentioned that you fancied a cuddle. Don't beat yourself up about it and try not to blame him either. Hopefully once you get the all clear you will have a clearer view of if you are temporarily struggling with FWB or if it just wouldn't ever work for you.

TBH op I think he could still have some attachments to his previos life he is trying to work through.
Just don't reply or maybe just say something Iike , "still smelling your aftershave here" then let it go. Cos the it looks like you weren't smelling anything else if you know what I mean. T

yes, it was a really relationshippy type of comment!

To me, you sound needy and intense. I'm not surprised, frankly, that he has backed off. You seem to have changed the rules of engagement.

Lollipop7654 FWB is not something I’m cut out for - I’ve learnt that the hard way. Especially when going through a difficult health situation the feeling of safety is so important. Feeling stressed, on edge or misunderstood is undermining. I’ve PM’d you 💐

Be kind to yourself OP and protect your peace, it sounds like you've been through a lot and still have plenty going on xx

I think it scared him. People are saying a text exchange has to end somewhere….yes, but you can always just put a heart or smile or thumbs-up emoji on the message. That’s how I usually end text convos.

Your text was the kind of thing you might send if falling in love. It’s a pity you got huffy. Can you walk things back by saying sorry about that text, you were on a post-sex high and got carried away? And then make an excuse for getting huffy? Make a joke out of it. It’s worth trying to fix, imo, because it sounds like you have a nice thing going with him.

“Hi, X! Sorry about my text after you left that night; I was on a post-sex high and got carried away. 🤭 Then I felt really embarrassed. 🙈 I’m over it now, though, and just about ready to look you in the eye again. 😆”

That’s what I would send. Then the ball’s in his court.

I have a similarly nice thing going with someone. A horrible marriage that ended with exH walking out with no warning turned me from a dedicated spouse into someone who’s terrified of commitment. So what I have with this guy is very fun and light-hearted. We’ve been casual lovers for a few years now (we do go weeks or sometimes even months without seeing each other) and I wouldn’t have sent that text. The key, for me anyway, is keeping everything humorous. I also reiterate to him
every so often that I am never marrying or cohabiting with anyone again if I live to be a thousand. You may not be as terrified of commitment as I am post-abuse, so the arrangement might not work for you. Anyway, as someone with a non-committed relationship after divorce, that’s my take.

To be honest I think he whole thing was a mistake. You'd known each other for ages, he insisted on taking to a health appointment, you are both divorcing, I think he would have been a great support resource, good friend, but now you have had sex and made it weird and both of you are spiralling. It's a shame.

One of you needs to know the rules.

Tbf I’d leave my husband on read if he sent me that.

I wouldn’t have expected, or wanted, that from someone I was casually hooking up with. It’s very intense.

I dint think I could ever tell someone I had sex with that the bed smells of them. And I wouldn't want it said to me either.
Maybe something like I can still smell your aftershave on my bed would be more appreciated.