AIBU to leave holiday early after my mother criticised my parenting?

What a lovely nuanced post - thank you for sharing

ON MN we always here only one side of the story. Do we take it the holiday was paid by your parents? Since you are holidaying with them, despite your mum being so awful that your brother is nc with her now?
Maybe if you don't want your mum to criticise you and your parenting, as if you were a little girl, be an adult and pay for your own holiday, or better still, pay for your own, your dc and your parents holiday, and then you can say 'Hey, I don't need your advice or criticism, I am able to live and pay for our holidays, aren't I'? But I think your parents would not criticise you if you take them on holiday with you, paid by you.

So sorry you're having a miserable time OP, your mum sounds difficult. I am certain you used the croissant as an example if the constant type of interjection she makes, and I doubt it is the only thing she has said this holiday that's annoyed you.
If you can, I'd look at some therapy. You need to be able to look calmly and objectively go through it all with someone and get some support;

• to feel confident in yourself and your decisions and know her opinion doesn't define you and shouldn't matter to you
• to work our what relationship you want with her and your dad and what boundaries to put in place
• to confidently be able to and have a plan to, address those boundaries with her and hold them

I haven't seen my dm since 2012 for similar reasons op.

Life is so much better.

You aren’t unreasonable. Protect your peace ❤️

Some people have no idea what it’s like to cope with a toxic parent, not only during childhood but long afterwards.

I think mentioning the croissant here was a mistake!

I can tell how scared you are of her OP, you mention that a couple of times. Standing up for yourself, or even removing yourself, feels like defying her and is hard.

I recommend a new thread in Relationships with a longer description of her behaviour, if you're up to it.

The incident you describe (your mum saying you shamed your daughter) doesn’t merit leaving a holiday early. It sounds as if there must be more context but you don’t give any examples.
Personally I would accept you have different parenting styles, see this holiday out and then not go on any more holidays together, rather than create a huge rift.

(I get on exceptionally well with my parents, but we’ve not done holidays together since I was about 15. Perhaps that’s why we get on!)

You are on ' the wrong side of the door' and feeling awful. The other side of the door is different- you are about to walk through.....On a more positive note: I ve been through this CR ** myself. Don't worry as its very common in family dynamics; A person in authority feels inadequate and has to feel better by discrediting someone else !!!!! It happens in families too !!!!! Go get that Flight - To - Peace. Don't be too hard on yourself. When you get home : put your phone on SILENT. Your relationship with your parents are changing because you've seen the light. In my case; my parents have passed on but my sister is ' trying ' to continue the abuse ( that my parents started) and I've blocked her out of my life now. I hope you continue to gain clarity. And B.T. W. a little counselling will help in gaining MORE clarity.

How will you feel in approx 30 years when your daughter does the same?

I don't know. Over the years, I flounced and argues with my mum many a time and don't get me wrong, she was pretty useless when I was a kid at times. Sometimes looking back, I overreacted and sometimes she was goady. But now she is older and frailer, I feel very different. I want her to stay in my lufe as ling as possible and I realise I won't have her soon. Our relationship is amazing now, all the old shit has sort of dimmed and we both relish our time and close relationship. I think there is a crossroads where you either put up with the fact your mum is a pain in the arse and stand up to it when needed and let the smaller stuff go or you just decide to walk away and call it quits. I too have flown away from my mum, cutting visits short in the past. Looking back now, it seems a bit over the top and most of mine were the croissant that broke the camels back type things. If you want to continue, you probably have to start putting something in too. Don't let a toddler or a croissant decide though, both are unreliable witnesses.

I’d agree to distance yourself but leaving the holiday was a bit ott (sorry)- ye could have gone off and done something yourselves. Now the rest of the year you’ll be gnashing your teeth that the holiday was ruined when you could have salvaged it

I'm sure you're doing the right thing OP, seems like the fog is clearing and you're starting to see just how much she hurts you.

By coincidence I had a similar experience with my mum on the weekend. It had been a while since we'd been together not in a larger group. Jesus Christ the insults kept coming thick and fast like she'd been saving them up!

I realised she had always been like this and I was seeing it with fresh eyes, having been removed from it for a period of time. Also my dc were there and she started on them.

I am never going to spend time with her without another adult present ever again. I won't subject myself to it anymore and I won't risk my boys being damaged the way dsis and I were.

It's tough as a single mum when love is thin on the ground, but sadly there isn't and never was any love available from her.

I would have stayed to enjoy the holiday but just do meals etc away from them

Never go on holiday with people you don't like.
You might be better posting in the Stately Homes thread, as you can see, people who don't have abusive parents don't understand.
I have no contact with my abusive parent and the peace is heavenly.

You are doing the right thing.
Never put yourself in this position again.
As simple as that.

Tell me you've never been treated like shit by your mum without telling me...

Op it sounds like the croissant was the straw that broke the camel's back. Absolutely fly home early. Will give you (both) space.

Safe flight!

You sound lile you've simply had enough of her. Maybe its time you told her a few home truths and leave the ball in her court.
Surely she doesn't want to risk losing her relationship with another of her children?
How is your Dad. Could you try to speak to him perhaps?

I personally wouldn’t have gone home as I’m stubborn and would feel like she’s won.

But I would distance myself from her in the future.

It’s hard when you’re a single parent but you need to reduce the support because else she’ll still treat you like a child.

Yeah but people in these sort of relationships with a parent don’t tend to think that clearly.

They constantly think it will get better, or hope that it might.

Because children from this family dynamic often hope that things will get better. It's the hope that kills.

It's fine, OP, and at least you now know to never go on holiday with your parents again.
If you're in your 30s, why do you still let them have so much influence? Whittle down your contact with them, and concentrate on your own life with your child and your friends.

You're an adult. You can disagree with your mother and not take her advice without defining that as "defying" her. Maybe she has an opinion on everything and loves to voice it, but YOU make the decisions about your child no matter what she thinks or says. Tell her she had her chance to parent and now it's your turn. Thank her for her opinion but say you're taking a different path. Laugh and tell her not to be ridiculous. Or ignore her and parent your child (although that last one may be difficult if she's insisting on correcting or arguing with you in front of the child once she's old enough to understand and refuses to stop when asked). Who cares if she compares you to your sister, or to herself?

If you genuinely want to leave then that's fine; it's your choice. You can also choose not to go away with her again, and to limit how often you see her and under what circumstances. But if you can, stop giving her so much power! If you can't mentally convince yourself that it's perfectly OK and normal to push back and to ignore her running commentary then maybe you are suffering from the cumulative effects of emotional abuse/bullying and perhaps therapy could be helpful to sort out your feelings and see if there are patterns you can change - whether or not you ultimately choose to have her in your life and/or want to work on the relationship.

YANBU. I hope you are now back home and feeling better. I don't understand the people saying it was an over reaction, when you have been very clear that this has been an ongoing issue and that was clearly the last straw.

Since you haven't got a good word to say about your mother, why did you go on holiday with her in the first place?