AIBU to leave holiday early after my mother criticised my parenting?

This. I went through years of gaslighting myself and fawning out of a learned sense that I was responsible for managing my abusive mother’s feelings. Getting free of it can be messy and isn’t always linear.

I don’t blame you. The final straw is seldom something big, it’s just the final one on top of the millions already piled upon you. Do what you have to do to protect your mental health and your daughter.

'Why did you go on holiday with her at all'
Because society bangs on and on about how you should be nice to your parents, how noones perfect, how she's just doing her best, and anyone who goes low or no contact is a massive drama queen and that its 'trendy' (its not bloody a new trend, people have done it since time began, we just have words for it now and more people talk about it) so you feel like you should try out of pure guilt? Because OP feels like she should give her mum chances to be nice to her because she lives in hope people can change and its a really hard pill to swallow otherwise?

I feel your pain. Like you, I didn't realise what my mother was like until I became a mum myself, when I was 37. I can't stand my mum now. Don't explain, don't justify, just go. Your mum knows what she's doing. Sometimes, grandparents who weren't good parents overcompensate with grandchildren to make themselves feel better. They see it as being their second chance. Get on your flight and leave your mother behind.

A lot of amateur psychologists and pseudo therapists on here doing some inept reading between the lines of other posters, jumping to conclusions and making judgements without knowing the OP, her mother, their relationship or the circumstances.
Do what you feel is right for you and your child OP no one else is walking in your shoes.

one of my usual questions
What took you so long?

@graygoosePlease, please ignore the criticism on this thread, those posters clearly didn’t full comprehend your initial post correctly. You have done nothing whatsoever wrong and in my opinion you are certainly not overreacting.
I too have a toxic mother who criticised my every parenting decision and I wish I’d chosen peace much earlier. I haven’t gone NC because of other factors but whether you choose to go NC with your mum or not is entirely irrelevant to whether you decide to go home early or not. Do what you think is right for you and your little one. 🧡

Agree with other posters. Why did you choose to go on holiday with her at all if she’s so awful?

This this this! I was reading this thread whilst sat in my car waiting for school to finish and I just despaired at the sheer lack of critical thinking and reading comprehension by so many people these days. I just hope that it’s because they’re only skim-reading OPs and not actually reading them because if the latter, then that’s genuinely worrying.

I am incredibly thankful that schools have begun teaching comprehension again. I had to temporarily home-school DD for half a term and made a point of doing 2 hours per week on both reading and listening comprehension!

Yes there is a bit of a ‘trend’ of going NC with parents/in-laws. However that does NOT mean that anyone doing so, is jumping on said trend and that their experiences and cause for doing so, are invalid! OP very clearly stated that her example with the croissant is just that an example and presumably didn’t list the other occurrences on the holiday for fear of too long an opening post

I am really sorry but are some posters on this site so emotionally inept that they seriously think this is over a croissant?
Please, one of you explain why you are incapable of looking at an entire post and just focus on one thing? It is frightening, and to think some of you are parents.

It sounds like the croissant was the proverbial straw @graygoose but I will give you the best advice, do not come on this site expecting a majority of emotionally intelligent responses. You will be torn apart and a ton of idiots will say shit about how you only have one Mum, cherish her while she's here etc. All that comes naturally to them is manipulation. It's fascinating.

A scary amount of posters can not see beyond their own life experience.

Get home with your little one and don't go away with them again!

I personally would stay so that you and your daughter can enjoy your holiday. Get up early, go out and do lots of an activities (I’m sure there’s lots you can do for free) with your little one and totally do not include her in anything. Bite your tongue and do not respond to any goady comments, it will drive her nuts!

What’s to say OPs DD will do the same? OP might be a better mother than her own and have a good relationship with her DD

Didn't the OP give that particular example as an example of what stupid little things her mother will (incessantly) criticise her over?

There’s always one small-minded nasty sad individual, isn’t there?

What a mean thing to say!

I just can never understand what anyone gains from making comments like this.

CroisZilla?

I really feel for you. I have a similar mother. It got worse once I had children. She criticizes everything all the time but once she started on my children I finally pulled my head out of the sand. I started standing up to her more and occasionally had it out with her if she went too far, which at the time felt good but ultimately it never sank in and wasn't helpful. I then started to distance myself emotionally and physically. I still pull her up if need be but I am trying to let her comments just wash over me now. I would consider our relationship very good, even if a bit superficial. We speak on the phone once a week and I very carefully curate what I tell her and mainly just let her talk and we see each other only once a year which really helps but I live far enough that it's perfectly fine to do so. Good luck finding your own way with it.

This seems a bit silly tbh. why do you go on holiday with them in the first place? Are they paying?

There's a trend now to go nc with parents and then people will throw out a bunch of therapy speak of boundaries and protect your peace and it will be over trivial things like you described. I'm seeing more post like that here lately

People say things are that are disagreeable and that we don't like that's just part of life but you don't flounce off with your hurt feelings

If you're almost 40 then it's up to you to speak up use your words like an adult that you're supposed to be. flouncing off is not adult behavior

OP - I would ask to move this to Relationships
This thread is full of people with lovey parents who think you had one small incident and don't understand the dynamic of how you can keep putting yourself in situations where you desperately hope your mother might be better this time.

For what it's worth, good for you for seeing the toxic dynamic when your daughter is still young enough that she doesn't have to exposed to it. Taking the first step is the hardest thing, but remember how felt today when your mother comes back and tells you how you are being oversensitive and ridiculous.

On the basis that I am inferring that CroissantGate is clearly the last in a lifetime list of incidents and micro-aggressions, the tipping point, I think you are right to remove yourself - and to maybe consider going NC when you get home. I did that around your age, when getting married and thinking about starting a family, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.

I would recommend having some counselling as soon as you get home though because your experience will shape your relationship with your child - not the repeating patterns, but the way fear of being like your mum/grappling to do things differently without a functional template, means you may find your self parenting anxiously, unconfidently and/or fearfully. (Typing from experience). Really helps to address your demons and get some support learning positive parenting strategies while DC is so young.

100% reasonable. First time I started defying 'controlling' people in my life, I was a young teenager and never looked back. Do what's best for you.

I get it. As pp said, it’s the hope that for just once you can have a nice time without pulling everything you do to pieces. Sounds like the straw that broke the camels back
take some time to think about what you are getting from spending time with her, mother or not life is too short to spend time with someone who makes you miserable.
hope you have a safe journey home x

This quote can’t be real such an OTT comment when you clearly didn’t read the OP where she said it was after a ‘life time of criticism’ clearly - obviously - the straw that broke the camels back.

The OP is having a tough time please take time to read properly before offering unhelpful comments.

Sounds like the breakfast comment was the last straw in a long cycle of abuse I’ve comments. Walk away, hold up your head, emulate your brother. I went NC with my entire family over 40 years ago and have not regretted it for a moment. Have a good flight. Oh block her number on all channels.