Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse family use of our home for holidays?

389 replies

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 01:24

I'm really cross about this and don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Please help me mumsnetters. I have name changed in case this is outing. Sorry, it is long, so as to avoid a drip feed.

Back story, until very recently we owned a holiday house (just sold it this month). Half of the house belonged to me and DH and the other half was owned by DH parents. We bought our half off another relative and have owned our half for a long time, approximately 20 years.

The house is in a holiday location and has been used by DH siblings (and their partners and school aged children) as a holiday home for all of that time. They never offered any money for their stay. We didn't use it very often as we were not living in that country until a couple of years ago.

Unfortunately it appears that DH siblings viewed the house as something they were entitled to use, rather than a privilege. Obviously their parents also owned half of the house, which makes a difference to how they viewed it. On some occasions the house was left dirty after the siblings had used it and when we arrived to use it we had to clean it. They have also used it without asking, as they all have a key.

We now live in a different holiday location, about 3 hours drive away from the house, so don't need to go there for holidays anymore. But more importantly we have never rented the house, so we didn't ever benefit financially, but it cost us money in terms of maintenance. This is the reason for wanting to sell.

DH siblings have had many years of free holidays, at our expense, mainly during school holidays, when accommodation is expensive. Sadly for them with the sale of the house this has now come to an end.

There is a school holiday coming up here very soon. We as a family (me, DH and our DCs) are going overseas for the holidays, meaning our main house (our permanent family home) will be empty. One of DH siblings, who would usually go to the holiday home, has messaged him to say she doesn't know how she's going to entertain her DCs over the holiday and asking if our house is on offer to them.

I am really annoyed about this. It feels like after years and years of having free holidays in the holiday house at our expense, they now want to use our own home as an alternative.

I don't want them to use it. I don't want the stress of having to get our house ready for guests when we we're already preparing for our own trip. I dont like the idea of other people using our home when were not there. But also I think this is really cheeky and they seem to expect us to still be responsible for providing them with a free holiday.

I think allowing them to use our own house now is effectively sending the message to them that this is now their holiday home, as a replacement and sets a precedent that whenever we are away they can use it. AIBU to not want them to use it?

DH does sort of agree with me on this, however instead wants to tell them they can come to ours when we are there for a 'beach holiday'. Whilst I don't have a problem with then coming to stay for a couple of days when we're here, I don't think he should be starting to offer them 'beach holidays ' in our house at this point, being so close to the sale of the holiday house, as in my opinion it's still giving them the impression that we're responsible for providing them with holidays.

Any advice welcome. Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
Inertia · 17/09/2026 14:14

Sounds like you need to be the one to respond, as your husband will be too easily manipulated by his family.

“We no longer have a holiday home- you will need to organise your own accommodation from now on,” should cover it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/09/2026 14:10

I'd also advise against making an excuse, any excuse. Because they won't hear the 'no', what they will hear is 'yes, another time'. All you're doing is postponing the 'no' and giving yourself the stress of always waiting for the next unreasonable request.

Spare yourself the high blood pressure, rip that plaster off right now. A straight 'no' with a silent 'you cheeky fucker!' rider.

Itsasecretnow · 17/09/2026 13:57

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 13:52

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

I’d be careful about making an excuse, as that might make them try their luck another time, or try to find “solutions”. Maybe a “sorry, that won’t be possible”, or something equally short, but to the point, but write it yourself and then send from your H’s phone if he won’t! 😄

PurpleThistle7 · 17/09/2026 13:56

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 13:52

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

I really caution you against making up an excuse. You’ll have to do this again and again and you can’t entirely rule out them showing up anyway right? They live super close (throwing a fit about having a holiday an hour away from home still amuses me. I drive an hour each way to my kids’ taekwando class) and your husband seems super pliable so could easily give them keys. You need to draw a clear line otherwise you’ll end up with years of the whining and lying ahead of you.

(For long and boring reasons my SIL has a key to my dad’s house. Turns out last time he was visiting me she not only stayed there, she drove his car for the week and left him with no petrol on his return. Family can be insane)

AnonyMumAuDHD · 17/09/2026 13:53

Just to add, if you need ammo for your DH: It is one thing to allow access to a holiday home, where even if you leave items between visits, is a ‘blank slate’ space. It does not have your personal items, medicine cabinets with your private items, kitchens stocked with equipment you have bought or been gifted, favourite mugs that you have collected, a collection of wine/spirits that you both drink, wardrobes filled with your personal clothing and undies, your files and financial data and letters sitting in drawers and on shelves, your neighbours who you need to co-exist with the remainder of the year ie a relationship you need to respect/protect, your Sky/Netflix and other accounts that have your preferences saved may be messed with in your absence (my DC and DH would find this irritating if they are suddenly been suggested to watch romance films when their algorithm is set for sci-fi, horror and sport!).

You may, of course have one or two ‘guest rooms’ in your home, that are largely empty, but these are only used when you are present, and access to all your private spaces is not implied when you have guest come to visit and use those rooms.

VIP: Furthermore, your household insurance policies will NOT cover you for theft, fire, flood or other damage caused by visitors in your absence. House sitters, professional ones, have their own insurance cover for this reason. People who Air BnB or rent their properties have specialist insurance - you would be completely unprotected in the case of an unforeseen calamitous event.

So again - just say NO.

Original poster
SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 13:52

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 17/09/2026 13:47

Shame all the siblings didn’t share/buy the aunts half

seems you have been paying a mortgage for a house you rarely use and all other siblings use and don’t pay

no way in hell wouid I agree to then staying in your home
no no no

dh280125 · 17/09/2026 13:43

No is a complete answer. I wouldn’t either.

TurkishShepherd · 17/09/2026 13:37

Haven't read past pg1.

The temptation to say 'Are you kidding, we just got rid of the expensive milestone of a house that everyone treated like a free holiday! You're most certainly not coming here, messing everything up and then pissing off home, leaving me with the mess to sort out' would be strong but I accept this would not strengthen familial ties.

No, no, thrice no to using your own house as a family Airbnb.

No.

whymadam · 17/09/2026 13:28

"No."
Is a complete sentence. Use it. No explanations or apologies needed.

PinkEasterbunny · 17/09/2026 13:19

"I do think DH should be the one to deliver this, not leaving me to look like the bad guy."
I would be happy to be the bad guy here, mainly because it doesn't sound as if he can be trusted to give an unequivocal 'no'. But I'd leave him in no doubt I'd be delivering the news with a total lack of diplomacy to prod him to do the right thing.

Absolutely this!!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/09/2026 13:03

99bottlesofkombucha · 17/09/2026 05:48

Have you tried saying loudly and clearly to your dh I live here, this is my home, I do not want them staying while we are on holiday. It would ruin my holiday. I don’t want the load of tidying the place so they arent tripping on our things. I don’t want to think of what to put away. I don’t want to think about them judging my house and my things and my kids things. I do get a say to who uses our house. I don’t want to pander to their entitlement, and I really really don’t want to set this up as their new holiday expectation. Please make sure you confirm in writing to them or I hear you talking to them so I know the message is clearly sent, or I won’t go on holidays. I’ll stay here and lock the door. You can invite them when we are here.

Absolutely this.

I would rip the face off my husband for suggesting my home should be at the disposal of his disrespectful siblings.

"I do think DH should be the one to deliver this, not leaving me to look like the bad guy."
I would be happy to be the bad guy here, mainly because it doesn't sound as if he can be trusted to give an unequivocal 'no'. But I'd leave him in no doubt I'd be delivering the news with a total lack of diplomacy to prod him to do the right thing.

Your sister-in-law's request actually shocked me.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/09/2026 13:00

Hmmm, your husband can see your point of view but wants to let them anyway?

Unless you can convince him, you have a problem!

I’d have no problem in replying myself and saying no.

Itsasecretnow · 17/09/2026 12:56

@SayingNoToFamily It would be a definite “Not a bloody chance!”, from me to both - the request to use your house while you aren’t there and also to them visiting for a holiday. Although, if you get on ok with them and actually wouldn’t mind them visiting, then maybe a weekend at most. And agree, not calling it a beach holiday.
I think not being able to occupy your own children during holidays is a bit shit, tbh!
And, as they only live an hour away anyway, why on earth would they need to stay at yours for a holiday anyway? They could easily do days out to your town if they wanted, if just sounds rather lazy, as well as entitled.

LHP118 · 17/09/2026 12:54

No is a sentence. You're allowed to use it, especially in these circumstances

Once you set the guidelines and precedent, it's a long and slippery slope. The only other thing is to outline expectations and costs (including additional for their leaving a place in a sorry condition and having to get someone to clean it). Market rates less 20% sounds fair to me.

Electricsausages · 17/09/2026 12:50

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon
love it 👍

ABitFab · 17/09/2026 12:38

Omg noooo Full Stop. 🛑 no no no and no. Visit only when you are there when invited.
bloody hell

U53rName · 17/09/2026 12:37

Maybe just leave a bunch of freaky sex dungeon stuff in your bedroom. Scare them off so there isn’t a “next time”.

Awkwardisfunny · 17/09/2026 12:36

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 01:24

I'm really cross about this and don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Please help me mumsnetters. I have name changed in case this is outing. Sorry, it is long, so as to avoid a drip feed.

Back story, until very recently we owned a holiday house (just sold it this month). Half of the house belonged to me and DH and the other half was owned by DH parents. We bought our half off another relative and have owned our half for a long time, approximately 20 years.

The house is in a holiday location and has been used by DH siblings (and their partners and school aged children) as a holiday home for all of that time. They never offered any money for their stay. We didn't use it very often as we were not living in that country until a couple of years ago.

Unfortunately it appears that DH siblings viewed the house as something they were entitled to use, rather than a privilege. Obviously their parents also owned half of the house, which makes a difference to how they viewed it. On some occasions the house was left dirty after the siblings had used it and when we arrived to use it we had to clean it. They have also used it without asking, as they all have a key.

We now live in a different holiday location, about 3 hours drive away from the house, so don't need to go there for holidays anymore. But more importantly we have never rented the house, so we didn't ever benefit financially, but it cost us money in terms of maintenance. This is the reason for wanting to sell.

DH siblings have had many years of free holidays, at our expense, mainly during school holidays, when accommodation is expensive. Sadly for them with the sale of the house this has now come to an end.

There is a school holiday coming up here very soon. We as a family (me, DH and our DCs) are going overseas for the holidays, meaning our main house (our permanent family home) will be empty. One of DH siblings, who would usually go to the holiday home, has messaged him to say she doesn't know how she's going to entertain her DCs over the holiday and asking if our house is on offer to them.

I am really annoyed about this. It feels like after years and years of having free holidays in the holiday house at our expense, they now want to use our own home as an alternative.

I don't want them to use it. I don't want the stress of having to get our house ready for guests when we we're already preparing for our own trip. I dont like the idea of other people using our home when were not there. But also I think this is really cheeky and they seem to expect us to still be responsible for providing them with a free holiday.

I think allowing them to use our own house now is effectively sending the message to them that this is now their holiday home, as a replacement and sets a precedent that whenever we are away they can use it. AIBU to not want them to use it?

DH does sort of agree with me on this, however instead wants to tell them they can come to ours when we are there for a 'beach holiday'. Whilst I don't have a problem with then coming to stay for a couple of days when we're here, I don't think he should be starting to offer them 'beach holidays ' in our house at this point, being so close to the sale of the holiday house, as in my opinion it's still giving them the impression that we're responsible for providing them with holidays.

Any advice welcome. Thanks for reading!

Unbelievable cheek. Who even asks to use someone's home for a holiday?? Even if someone offered, I'd be uncomfortable. I would just immediately reply saying how shocked you are by this cheeky request and that your private residence is not available as a free-of-charge holiday let.

Wadsworthy · 17/09/2026 12:29

You just need to say "No." and your DH needs to say "No."

Not unreasonable.

hallomynameisinigomontoya · 17/09/2026 12:28

your home insurance probably won't be valid, tell them no on that basis.

SamPoodle123 · 17/09/2026 12:20

I would just say, sorry no. Our house is not on offer. No need to give them a reason. How cheeky and rude of them.

Emma6cat · 17/09/2026 12:18

Absolutely not, the cheek of it. My god, they have no shame. Nip it in the bud now, especially with your husband, you are not a hotel, this is your home. I would hate to be away and know that my house is being used as a holiday home.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 17/09/2026 12:15

coconutpie · 17/09/2026 09:02

This is the hill to die on and you have a DH problem. I’d be telling him in no uncertain terms that they will not be staying at your home full stop, whether you are there or not. You have spent 2 decades paying 50% for a house that gave his family free accommodation and that needs to stop now. Ensure that none of them have a house key while you’re away and if they do, take it back. If you can’t get it back, install a doorbell camera so you can monitor it in case they do rock up while you’re away.

You need to be very firm with the whole family. Although this is probably a little harsh but I think you need to be as that family all sound like total CFs.

Dear DH siblings

As you know, the home that we co-owned with DH’s parents has now been sold. DH and I have paid 50% of the mortgage and maintenance costs for the upkeep of this house for 2 decades which has benefited you and your families as you all stayed there without contributing so much as a pound towards the cost of it. On some occasions, it was left in a mess and we had to clean up after you. It was also used on occasion without permission. You weren’t entitled to use this house as a free holiday home but we were happy to allow it for much-loved family. However the lack of appreciation over the last 2 decades was disappointing.

We have now been asked if we will offer up our family home for people to stay in as the holiday home is now sold. We are not running a free AirBnB. After 2 decades of free accommodation, you all need to go sort out your own accommodation without expecting to freeload of us again.

Yours sincerely

Yes this..

dogsaremybusiness · 17/09/2026 12:11

No way would I entertain this. We live in a beach town, very close to a holiday destination. No one has ever asked to use our home when we are away!!