Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people should not use 'we put pets to sleep' as an argument to allow assisted dying?

404 replies

Jane3212 · 16/09/2026 23:46

I love animals but they aren't legally the same as people. If somebody sold a person, or controlled who they could have children with, we would be horrified, but we accept those as normal for pets because we don't treat them the same as people.
We put beloved pets to sleep if they're really ill with no hope of cure because we are responsible for them, and cats, dogs etc have no way, by definition, of understanding the situation or communicating what they would want.

A person is categorically different. We don't hold the same power to even decide between life and death over people that we do over pets, and rightly so! The comparison with pets is flawed.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 11:58

OtterlyAstounding · 17/09/2026 11:55

Yes, my concern mostly lies in this area:

The issue is when it comes to patients with mental health issues, because that just seems like the state enabling suicides, and patients without the capacity to consent in the moment, because then it's just murder.

It's difficult though because those with mental health issues without effective treatment ma still be capable of choosing AD and giving informed consent. If someone told me that I had to live with an incurable mental health condition such as depression then I may well choose not to live? Is that not a rational choice? Why do we presume that living is the only rational choice?

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:58

OtterlyAstounding · 17/09/2026 11:54

Yes, those kinds of 'mercy killings' are worryingly frequent – and I believe far, far rarer when women are caring for their husbands? It seems like typical sex based violence.

Exactly, even though most carers are female.

I'm studying criminal law now and one of my textbooks talks about mercy killings in a sympathetic way- no questioning as to whether these women actually wanted to die.

OP posts:
CreativeGreen · 17/09/2026 11:56

You don't have to accept the full implications of the comparison to accept this part of it - like any metaphor, it only stretches so far.

So yes, animals aren't people and people aren't animals. And a pet is a particular kind of animal, and many other animals are treated badly. And yes, sometimes pets are put to sleep as much for the owner as for the animal.

But if we accept the argument that sometimes the kindest thing to do for a pet who has no quality of life is to let it go and help it on its way, it does seem to me to make sense that we would extend the same dignity to a human being who is in pain with no possibility of recovery.

Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 11:56

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:51

We certainly see 'mercy killings' of wives and daughters by male relatives/carers.

https://theotherhalf.uk/safeguarding-women-in-assisted-dying

This is domestic abuse and murder. AD would be just another potential cover for these in the same way that suicide can be. We haven't made suicide illegal though.

One could argue that many of these women would die anyway irrespective of AD being legalised or not. The question is just whether the perpetrators would be brought to justic.

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:56

OrchardOwl · 17/09/2026 11:54

Adopt. From a rehoming centre. In the same way that it is acceptable to adopt a child that needs a home, but not buy one. And certainly not breed them in captivity to be sold for profit.

I don't fully agree that animal rights should be the same..but I do like this idea. If animals took care of their own breeding, also, we wouldn't have the cruelty of pedigree dogs and cats with painful flat noses etc

OP posts:
OtterlyAstounding · 17/09/2026 11:55

Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 11:54

The limits you reference in relation to bodily autonomy are blurry in themselves.

We don't let people cut off healthy limbs and yet they can remove healthy breasts or penises if they decide they want to change sex. You can't sell organs and yet you can donate them.

Basically it's all trade offs and often the logic is pretty flawed and flakey as to why someone can cut off a penis but not a leg for example. Why we allow abortion but not AD when someone is giving clear informed consent. Why we don't criminalise suicide but criminalise AD. It's all hard to truly rationalise.

I agree though that in the risk Vs potential benefit analysis of AD then the risk of some terminally ill people losing a few months of pretty poor quality life is small compared to forcing many to live against their will in pain and discomfort.

Yes, my concern mostly lies in this area:

The issue is when it comes to patients with mental health issues, because that just seems like the state enabling suicides, and patients without the capacity to consent in the moment, because then it's just murder.

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:55

Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 09:23

This is a very paternalistic perspective. The obvious difference between pets and humans is that humans can provide informed consent to AD. Your argument basically assumes that nobody is capable of providing this consent and that people actively choosing to not be a burden for their loved ones or even wider society is an unacceptable reason for them to give this consent.

Lots of people don't want to be a burden for good reason. Many feel that it takes away their pride and dignity which is completely subjective but also valid. Many feel that they don't want to have a negative impact on others. Many simply don't want to live a life where they are so dependent on others and perhaps don't trust the standard of care they would offer. There are all totally valid perspectives and can legitimately inform consent.

I feel very wary about people trying to use these kind of arguments to undermine the concept of informed consent. The same goes with the potential for coercion and manipulation. This risk exists in so many areas of life like sex, money and most notably abortion. Just because some women are coerced or manipulated into abortion does that not mean no woman can consent to one and should be allowed one? Should we never be allowed to have sex because we know that coercion is relatively common here?

'people actively choosing to not be a burden for their loved ones or even wider society is an unacceptable reason for them to give this consent.'

  • sick and disabled people are NOT burdens. Carers need a lot more support and social care is a disgrace. But it's very dangerous to normalise the idea that it's acceptable for people to feel they should kill themselves rather than be a 'burden'.
OP posts:
OrchardOwl · 17/09/2026 11:54

Adopt. From a rehoming centre. In the same way that it is acceptable to adopt a child that needs a home, but not buy one. And certainly not breed them in captivity to be sold for profit.

Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 11:54

OtterlyAstounding · 17/09/2026 11:43

There are limits on autonomy. For instance, we don't allow people to sell organs, or cut off healthy limbs, or give their flesh to other people to eat.

I do think that in the last few months of a terminal illness (while I'm still ambivalent), I can see it makes sense to allow a person either as much morphine as they want, or assisted suicide. Even if coercion is involved (although it needs to be very carefully screened for) the person is only losing a few months with poor quality of life.

The issue is when it comes to patients with mental health issues, because that just seems like the state enabling suicides, and patients without the capacity to consent in the moment, because then it's just murder.

Either way, making the comparison of, 'we put down our sick dog so he wouldn't suffer' isn't a good one.

The limits you reference in relation to bodily autonomy are blurry in themselves.

We don't let people cut off healthy limbs and yet they can remove healthy breasts or penises if they decide they want to change sex. You can't sell organs and yet you can donate them.

Basically it's all trade offs and often the logic is pretty flawed and flakey as to why someone can cut off a penis but not a leg for example. Why we allow abortion but not AD when someone is giving clear informed consent. Why we don't criminalise suicide but criminalise AD. It's all hard to truly rationalise.

I agree though that in the risk Vs potential benefit analysis of AD then the risk of some terminally ill people losing a few months of pretty poor quality life is small compared to forcing many to live against their will in pain and discomfort.

OtterlyAstounding · 17/09/2026 11:54

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:51

We certainly see 'mercy killings' of wives and daughters by male relatives/carers.

https://theotherhalf.uk/safeguarding-women-in-assisted-dying

Yes, those kinds of 'mercy killings' are worryingly frequent – and I believe far, far rarer when women are caring for their husbands? It seems like typical sex based violence.

OtterlyAstounding · 17/09/2026 11:52

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:49

So you don't think we should be able to buy a pet cat or dog? What would happen instead?

Animal liberation? Although, rights come with responsibilities – they'll have to get jobs 😁 I'm not sure my cats would appreciate that...

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:51

Bitsostuff · 17/09/2026 09:21

I've never really understood the "coercion" argument regarding assisted suicide. Most people don't require assistance to commit suicide. Suicide happens without assistance all the time. So if there really are these numbers of people willing to push an unwanted sick/disabled/elderly relative into suicide them we should be seeing those deaths now. Are we? And why would they be more likely through a system that would at least have the benefit of scrutiny and oversight?

We certainly see 'mercy killings' of wives and daughters by male relatives/carers.

https://theotherhalf.uk/safeguarding-women-in-assisted-dying

Safeguarding Women in Assisted Dying — The Other Half

https://theotherhalf.uk/safeguarding-women-in-assisted-dying

OP posts:
Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:49

OrchardOwl · 17/09/2026 11:46

I don’t at all accept it as normal to buy and sell animals and control who they have children with. The argument “if it’s ok for animals why isn’t it ok for humans” is correct, but it should be used to elevate animal rights rather than reduce human rights.

So you don't think we should be able to buy a pet cat or dog? What would happen instead?

OP posts:
Yogafiend · 17/09/2026 11:48

XenoBitch · 16/09/2026 23:51

We don't let pets suffer.
But a human who is suffering and is asking for help to die a dignified death is denied that.
Pets have it better if you ask me.

I have to agree with this. I often say (as a joke) I want to come back as a pet. Both my parents and my in laws have pets and they have the most amazing life!

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:47

Secretseverywhere · 17/09/2026 10:56

I think it’s very British tbh, a way of making your wishes known in a self deprecating way without turning it into a thing. Theres lots of euphemisms for the same thing. Take me round the back and shoot me (if this happens to me) is a thing in my rural farming community. People don’t want to imagine themselves suffering in future.

I did say upthread but it’s worth repeating if you do feel that way then declining medical treatment in an advanced directive in the event of dementia / other illnesses can give you a degree of control.

Yes, more people should use these if they are worried about being kept alive in an artificially prolonged way.

OP posts:
OrchardOwl · 17/09/2026 11:46

I don’t at all accept it as normal to buy and sell animals and control who they have children with. The argument “if it’s ok for animals why isn’t it ok for humans” is correct, but it should be used to elevate animal rights rather than reduce human rights.

OtterlyAstounding · 17/09/2026 11:46

W0tnow · 17/09/2026 11:36

@Jane3212 Well, the outcome of the disease is pretty well known. But the time of death is impossible to predict. An AD bill that allows for euthanasia as long as it is within 6 months of predicted death is no good for an Alzheimer’s patient, because at that stage they can’t consent, as they’re too far gone. I can only speak for myself (and a family member who has only within the last few weeks or so uttered the words “who are you?” to a beloved spouse of 50+ years) but I think I should absolutely have the right to NOT live the last years (and it can be years) of my life catatonic and doubly incontinent and having no idea who I am, or who my family is. And I don’t want my family, at that time, to make the decision to starve or dehydrate me to death.

Then that's something you'd need to take care of yourself while you still have capacity, if we live in a society where we don't kill people who can't consent to it at the time of the killing.

PurpleThistle7 · 17/09/2026 11:45

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:34

'You wouldn't put your dog in a dog shelter to live out their days In one room, incontinent and wailing with confusion. '

  • many people are in this situation, and it's awful. But if they no longer have mental capacity, how could they choose assisted suicide?

Because they can choose this ahead of time. They can write it down, talk to counsellors, make a choice about when and how it happens when they have capacity. Far more complicated in the case of people who never had that capacity to begin with but for Alzheimer’s, cancer, MND, endless other situations there’s time to make this choice when you’re able. To say ‘if I’m on IV morphine I’m done‘ or ‘when I don’t recognise my daughter I’m done’ or whatever the line is for people. There are so many ways to make this an empowering thing for everyone.

Like organ donation - the organ donor can’t choose in that moment so they put their wishes down ahead of time.

I think it’s infantilising to tell people they can’t know what’s best for them and they need to suffer endlessly. There was no reason for my friend to have to go through the last 3 months of her life. I only saw the beginning of it (she didn’t want to see anyone except her husband once it got really bad) and I was scarred from that. She begged to die constantly. Literally begged. I have no idea how my friend will ever recover from that (he literally sold up and bought a cabin on a remote island and we pretty much never see him now as he has panic attacks if he comes back to the city where she died). She’d be absolutely heartbroken to see the state of him today.

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:45

Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 11:36

You are not just refusing to kill someone. You are threatening anyone that assists someone to die with criminal action. That means that a person that wants to die is effectively being forced to live otherwise they would risk a loved one going to jail. How is this not coercion? It is the ultimate coercion.

I'm really sorry for situations where someone is in terrible pain but still lucid and wants this.

But I can't agree with making it legal for relatives etc to assist. Too many men using 'mercy killing' defences already after killing wives or daughters. I don't agree with the Netherlands and Switzerland but they only allow it to be done in registered medical settings . And in Switzerland the person has to be able to perform the action themselves.

OP posts:
OtterlyAstounding · 17/09/2026 11:43

Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 11:34

This isn't a debate on abortion but the parallels between the two topics are very obvious in my mind and I find it hypocritical that the same people that think that women should have the autonomy over their own bodies and be in control of ending life on the one hand, believe the same woman should lose their bodily autonomy and have no control over when they end their life with AD.

The coercion argument is weak when coercion can happen in almost all of our decision making processes. It doesn't mean we ban everything to avoid coercion. Currently a greedy relative could bully and coerce an old or disabled person to kill themselves but we don't see this happening in great numbers and yet people are convinced AD would bring about lots of cases of this. It makes absolutely no sense to me and seems that for some reason we apply a completely different set of logic to AD than we do to lots of other similar topics.

There are limits on autonomy. For instance, we don't allow people to sell organs, or cut off healthy limbs, or give their flesh to other people to eat.

I do think that in the last few months of a terminal illness (while I'm still ambivalent), I can see it makes sense to allow a person either as much morphine as they want, or assisted suicide. Even if coercion is involved (although it needs to be very carefully screened for) the person is only losing a few months with poor quality of life.

The issue is when it comes to patients with mental health issues, because that just seems like the state enabling suicides, and patients without the capacity to consent in the moment, because then it's just murder.

Either way, making the comparison of, 'we put down our sick dog so he wouldn't suffer' isn't a good one.

IsadoraQuagmire · 17/09/2026 11:36

ANightAtTheOpera · 17/09/2026 01:11

My Grandad was on palliative care at home with cancer. In his final days he was in immense pain, confused, hysterical. We begged and begged for his suffering to stop. It didn’t. He died a most horrible, painful, undignified death which traumatised all his loved ones.

His daughter, my aunt, who witnessed her Dad’s suffering, had a similar death a few short years later.

Are you proposing full sedation for palliative care patients? As otherwise I can’t see how else their pain can be fully stopped? And is that much different from ending the suffering full stop. ?

My mother, shortly after witnessing her father then her sister’s awful deaths, made me promise that if assisted dying was ever legal when it comes to her time then that is what she wants. To alleviate her own suffering and to spare ours. My Mum has now been dying for years and suffering very very much. Her wishes will never be part of the assisted dying debate though as she has Dementia, the slow creeping crawl of dementia.

Over the last 10 years physically she has went from mobility aids, to wheelchair, to bedridden and moved around by a hoist, doubly incontinent. Mentally the deterioration has been slower but for years now she wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what day, month or year it was. Fortunately she has forgotten the trauma of watching her Dad and Sister both suffering traumatic deaths. Now we tuck her up in bed with her dolly while she cries for her daddy, like a 5 year old would, as somewhere mentally she seems to be back to her childhood. She attends a day care centre in an attempt to give her mental stimulation. We chat to her, play her music that she used to love, shower her with gifts, love her. She has no idea who we are. She can’t feed herself or even know what she likes to eat. Her eyesight has gone (cataracts) but the hospital say they can’t operate as she’s too fragile. She cries when she wakes, cries herself to sleep. My mum is 72 years old.

My dog is 5 years old, she has more free will and enjoyment from life than my Mum can ever have again. Yet, if she ever suffers from illness or injury that will leave her with a poor quality of life, I can agree that she could be euthanised, which I would absolutely agree to if it came to it, as I love her with all my heart and don’t want her to suffer. Why is our society kinder to animals than to our own fellow humans?

I totally agree with all this. I've watched 3 relatives dying of incurable diseases, 2 with cancer, the last one (last year) of motor neurone disease.
All 3 were in physical and mental agony and BEGGED to be allowed to die.
Palliative care my arse!

Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 11:36

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:28

Refusing to kill someone is not coercion.

You are not just refusing to kill someone. You are threatening anyone that assists someone to die with criminal action. That means that a person that wants to die is effectively being forced to live otherwise they would risk a loved one going to jail. How is this not coercion? It is the ultimate coercion.

W0tnow · 17/09/2026 11:36

@Jane3212 Well, the outcome of the disease is pretty well known. But the time of death is impossible to predict. An AD bill that allows for euthanasia as long as it is within 6 months of predicted death is no good for an Alzheimer’s patient, because at that stage they can’t consent, as they’re too far gone. I can only speak for myself (and a family member who has only within the last few weeks or so uttered the words “who are you?” to a beloved spouse of 50+ years) but I think I should absolutely have the right to NOT live the last years (and it can be years) of my life catatonic and doubly incontinent and having no idea who I am, or who my family is. And I don’t want my family, at that time, to make the decision to starve or dehydrate me to death.

Itchthescratch · 17/09/2026 11:34

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:30

I don't see a foetus, especially a very early one, as equivalent to a human being outside the womb. (Fwiw I support the 24 week limit)

I don't want this to derail into an abortion discussion.

This isn't a debate on abortion but the parallels between the two topics are very obvious in my mind and I find it hypocritical that the same people that think that women should have the autonomy over their own bodies and be in control of ending life on the one hand, believe the same woman should lose their bodily autonomy and have no control over when they end their life with AD.

The coercion argument is weak when coercion can happen in almost all of our decision making processes. It doesn't mean we ban everything to avoid coercion. Currently a greedy relative could bully and coerce an old or disabled person to kill themselves but we don't see this happening in great numbers and yet people are convinced AD would bring about lots of cases of this. It makes absolutely no sense to me and seems that for some reason we apply a completely different set of logic to AD than we do to lots of other similar topics.

Jane3212 · 17/09/2026 11:34

Gooseinthewood · 17/09/2026 06:58

I mean there are some people we should neuter but joking aside, it's about the compassion.

You wouldn't put your dog in a dog shelter to live out their days In one room, incontinent and wailing with confusion. We would be labelled cruel.

'You wouldn't put your dog in a dog shelter to live out their days In one room, incontinent and wailing with confusion. '

  • many people are in this situation, and it's awful. But if they no longer have mental capacity, how could they choose assisted suicide?
OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread