What would you do if your child punched someone in the face at school?

If an adult punched someone at work there would be consequences at work AND outside of work as it would also most likely be reported to the police. Punching someone in the face is an act of violence and not in any way comparable to losing the company a lot of money….

I would ask to speak to school. I once needed to as I was worried MH issues that I was missing may be behind outbursts.
I spoke to SEN lead who agreed to observe and advise. She was so kind and thoughtful, and made lots of really useful suggestions (including trying to capture creative side not only competitive sport), and also advised on possible person-specific triggers.
She ended up being reassuring, and quietly looked out for him and assisted us enormously.
One useful thing was role playing difficult situations to practice choosing better choices.
Good luck OP

As well as talking to him, if you are worried about his behaviours / lashing out, get him to start training for a martial art - learning discipline could help him to manage this in a positive way and you would have the trainers providing positive messaging as well as you and the family

I think you are worrying that your son is a Narcissist/sociopath, because you are very concerned about his lack of conscience. I dont know if there are good child therapists/psychologist where you live. I would try and find one. If he cant empathise or feel remorse they should be able to recognise it. Does he like animals how is he with younger children. Its very hard to think this about your child but you know him best. If I am wrong sorry.

The problem is, a punishment won't resolve his issues with controlling his anger. Next time he's angry he won't remember the punishment. Im not saying you shouldnt punish him, but anger is a strong emotion that takes over so you need to help him to learn techniques to control it.

He should lose his breaktimes and his trip, that's his punishment. At home you need to be dealing with it by making sure it doesn't happen again, and I don't believe that further punishment will do anything.

Yes !

we have 2 boys in our road, the eldest is an outright bully and has been taught by Dad to be sneaky.

Up until 12 months ago all adults at school thought he was a charmer and lovely boy, only now a couple of things have slipped and they are seeing another side to him and the family dynamic.

dad was volunteering at school for a while and threatened my other neighbours youngest daughter. He had also threatened adults in our area.

so please do follow up with the school and see if there is a side to your son you may not be aware of.

Does he ever show remorse for things he’s done? Real remorse, not just sorry he got caught or regretful about a punishment?

Early Help might be an option that school can refer you to, or maybe they’ve a family practitioner or a positive behaviour specialist. Definitely worth asking.

I am not saying you don't make it clear to your child that what they have done is wrong. But the crime happened at school so the punishment should take place at school.

Depends. If DH was dismissed because of dishonesty, or got a warning for inappropriate behaviour, I'd have a lot to say to him at home. Same with schools, some misdemeanours (talking in class, missing homework, being disruptive), I'd let the school deal with it. Violence no, it could have just as easily happened outside school so I kind of see it as my responsibility as well.

No that is wrong in my opinion.

If an adult messes up at work abd loses the company a lot of money or something similar should they be made to suffer at home too? No whatever issues they are having at work is enough.

Of course there needs to be consequences at home.
School isn’t the parent, you are!

OP I haven't read all the replies but my concern is if your son is ok? Was he provoked?

Yes if course he should be punished but I think the punishment should come from school as this was a school incident.

You need to concentrate on your son how he is and not how you want him to behave. If course nobody wants their child to hit another child but you have to ask why it happened and if the child who did the hitting is also ok.

Punishment at home for this is wrong once he walks through the door he shoukd know that is his safe place from school. You wouldn't want the school to discipline him for hitting a sibling or keeping his bedroom untidy would you?

It sounds like a very stressful tine for you hope things improve

I was thinking the same. It's just as possible the other child is a bully taunting him all the time. If this is the case this is a good teachable moment. His violence and loss of control not only punished him but made the bully a victim. It was a lose lose situation. He needs to learn not only is hitting never ok but that it's also possible to stand up for yourself in other ways. You can be firm but also supportive. If this was unprovoked then you have a bigger issue on your hands and need to see what is going on internally and why he can't self regulate. I would be seeking professional help if this is the case.

If the school is being lenient possibly it's because they saw the other child WAS asking for it and/or it wasn't a particularly damaging punch.

Follow their lead. Withdraw some privilege for a week, cancel some treat.

You are right, your husband is wrong. If you follow your husband you will end up raising a thug who uses his fists against people for saying things he does not like.

I used to get into fights at school it’s a male thing unfortunately see what the cause is was he bullied by the other boy and he just snapped and reacted badly in the heat of the moment his dad needs to step up and support him and you more

This is one of the worst, most ill-informed comments I have seen on here; and that’s saying something!

This attitude will lead him down the path of reacting with (escalating) violence every time someone says the wrong thing.
He will end up a repeat offender, excluded from school, struggling in specialist provision and then in and out of prison for his late teens and 20s.
You have a chance to stop that now if you handle this well (and ignore terrible ‘advice’ like this).

It is the root cause that needs to be found. Why does he think punching someone in the face is ok. Where has seen/learned that? Because it is not normal behaviour at 10 years old and is very worrying. The school can issue punishment quite rightly but it is the responsibility of you as the parents to sort this and whilst he can be punished, or consequences as much as you want, until you find out why he will just keep doing it. Your husband is absolutely wrong in this and is just allowing him to get away with it.

How does your son feel. Genuine remorse is a position you can work with.

I totally agree. You need to make it clear to him that this behaviour is wrong.

I totally agree that you should come down hard on him and make him aware that such behaviour is wrong

I tend to agree with DH and I would focus energies at home on understanding why he reacted the way he did and what can be done to support him. Obviously he needs to know what he did was wrong but he also needs to know you're on his side.

He isn’t going to make it through life without a prison sentence if he thinks he can punch someone in the face everytime he is wounded up or doesn’t like what he hears. I would be coming down very hard on him at home also to make sure he learns his lesson.

Sounds like it was a bit more than a punch in the face - more like continuous pummelling until physically pulled off (so my son pushed him to the floor and proceeded to punch him in the face before being pulled off him)

I'm a teacher and work in a special environment with children who show this kind of behaviour regularly.
You definitely need to get to the bottom of it. I would certainly ask to speak with the school and be open to hearing what he is like in school. What else is going on? Where is the anger coming from? That's the only way you'll get to the root and be able to help him. A united front between parents and schools works wonders for children, ask them to pass on any further incidents so you can address them at home immediately.
I always think the consequence should fit the incident. So, if he's hurt another child at playtime, it makes sense to keep him in at break and away from play. Explain that, because he was unsafe, he cannot currently be trusted to play games with the other children. This is a better consequence than removing his computer games, etc, which have nothing to do with the incident and he won't learn from it.
How is he going to make things right with the boy? I'd get him to spend an evening writing the boy an apology.