As the title suggests I broke up with my ex earlier this summer.
He's a good guy (far from perfect) and a great dad but the the first year of parenting was tough for us, we also got pregnant not long after we met so it wasnt a long relationship.
He was devistated when i broke up with him and whilst he tried to hide it he was visable crying in the 2 months prior to me and my son moving out.
He has a high paid career (6 figure earnings) which is really demanding, he lost a close relative and a bad injury 6 months after our child was born. He become really distant and we were argueing all the time and in the end I just couldnt take it anymore, i felt really insecure from the lack of date nights and intimacy.
We still remain on good terms (no conflict) however whilst we were seperated and living together he blew up at me twice mainly down to me going away for the weekend with our son without consulting him. (i didnt think it was a big deal)
He supported me with getting a morgage and committed to paying me £600 a month + 50% of childcare costs. The mantainence is based on CMS calculations but we deal with this privately. He currently has our 19 month old son 2 nights a week and 1 for dinner time. we agreed this in writting and agreed to review end of April next year. he did make it clear to me that he wants to be an active father and wants to work towards 50/50 in the future but he accepted our son is too young for this arrangement right now. he's a golden boy at work and i know his work will support him with flexiblity to make this happen and his mum doesnt work and can help also. we live less than 1 mile apart from each other.
our arrangement is working well without an issue and we have both attended doctor appointments together for our son. He has taken time off work to see our son more during the day.
But this week he suprised me and has asked if if we he could start having him for an extra night during the week. He he suggested if i'm not happy with this we could consider it every 2nd week for a trial. i'm a little unsettled as we have only just gone our seperate ways and we agreed the original plan would be set in stone until next year.
our sons is visably happy to see him on drop offs, runs to him and gives him a hug etc and my ex says he sleeps perfectly but I just struggle to take his word for it - theres a part of me that worries that he is distressed being away from me.
We have coslept together since birth so he's very attached.
Now call me paranoid and i know i'm going to get a lot of heat for this but my ex's whole demena towards me has changed in the last few weeks. He doesnt really engage with me at pick ups or drop offs, he's not rude just doesnt really look at me or make any conversation. i'm terrified about how the desparity in
income is going to have on our son when he's a bit older if my ex decides to massively reduce or stop maintence.
He has said to me previously that he would make sure our son was looked after in both houses but he also said that the current arrangment would be reviewed in April as we are using the CMS calculations, he said when it goes to 50/50 he is happy to pay for all our sons activities and uniforms etc and said if i did need support further then he would listen but this makes me feel like a terrible mum.
my ex is going to be able to take him on 2/3 holidays a year whilst i cannot offer this type of lifestyle on my lower salary job.
i would love to know if anyone else is in a similar situation both on the fincial front and also contact time with a child so young.