AIBU to go to a concert while my husband’s mum is dying?

I assume he will ring if she gets worse, is the gig far away? Just be prepared to leave early if necessary. Your friend really has nothing to do with this if you have to leave you leave.

How is it that he sees his mother several times a week and you’ve only met her a dozen times?

It’s his mum. He is by her bedside, so there is clearly a decent relationship there.

If the worst happens, don’t let him go home to an empty house. Losing your mum is weird, it cuts differently even as an adult and no matter what the relationship. Especially with you out singing along to The Winner Takes it All. That really uncaring.

How fast can you get home? Can he message you and can you get back fast? If not, I would defer the concert date.

Thats assuming you and he have a loving supportive relationship. If not, then do what you like 🤷‍♀️.

It's a matter of days, not indeterminate days/weeks.

Your friend hasn't just been dumped - her struggles with being childless and single at 40 are whats open ended and likely to require months or years or decades of ongoing availability, not this imminent death.

Many deaths are not easy, and sitting through the change in breathing especially if she's fighting for breath and the pauses increase so you keep thinking it's over, but then it isn't for another several hours is harrowing. Your DH might need you on the end of the phone.

Your friend not being okay with you cancelling a night out when your spouse's mother is actively dying makes her sound manipulative. I don't like flakiness either, but this isn't flakiness - flakiness is a flimsy excuse/ better offer/ forgetting/ being very late for no good reason.

I would cancel.

Can you give your ticket to another friend and stay with DH

You might not be close to MIL but you've been with your husband 5 years and he sees her regularly and has a relationship with her.
I would 100% cancel and just be there for company and some support for your husband.

This is about your husband and what you want.

Personally when my mum was dying, I wouldn't have expected my husband and children to put their lives on hold so I would have been fine with them going to a long awaited and presumably expensive concert. My husband was away when my dad died and I called him to tell him late at night but I didn't need him to be there or reorganise his business life. He had been an excellent son in law to both of them during their lifetime and that was more important to me than him putting his life on hold for a few days whilst my parents died. Be guided by your husband but if he is Okay with it, don't feel you have to be seen to be supportive and go enjoy the concert.

I would cancel. I’d find it so cold and thoughtless if my husband went on a night out while my parent was dying.

So potentially, when his dm is taking her last breath, OP could be dancing in the aisles to an ABBA song?! I couldn’t be at a concert singing and dancing while my dh is going through something so distressing.

My mum has just died of a terminal illness. We didn't know when exactly she'd die - it turned out to be sooner than expected - so I took each day as it came. I voted YANBU because I would have told my partner to go. However, he's your husband and she's your MIL, so it seems heartless to say you're not close enough to sit by her deathbed. With the exception of the concert, why can't you go to the hospice with your DH to support him?

The needs of your dh come before the needs of your friend. If your friend is a nice person she would absolutely understand. Ask your dh to gauge what he would like. The waiting for the inevitable is worse than the actual loss, because you don’t want the person you love to suffer, so he will still need someone with him.

I'd see how things are tomorrow and if it looks like she's about to pass away, then stay with DH. I'm assuming he'd want to be present, so hospice will forewarn him if they suspect the time is close.

Why wouldn't you just talk to him and ask him?

I wouldn’t go. It would feel so wrong letting my hair down while DH was losing his mum. If the friend doesn’t understand that she’s a selfish cow, sorry.

Your spouse should come before your friends.

Same. I’d be telling you to go and enjoy yourself and no worry about me. No point two people being miserable. I would also recognize it’s not your mother and you have no emotional ties to her, so pointless you staying. I’d be more comfortable if you weren’t there.

amazed at these responses and the vote.

I’ve recently been through this and tbh I’d have been utterly heart broken if my husband had gone to a concert over being there for me. Thankfully I have and continue to be his priority as I navigate a huge loss.

It’s an utterly terrible thing for him to be going through. Your relationship with the mil is immaterial. But for balance I am not your husband, so talk to him if you must. But I’d consider how resentful he might feel one day if you still made him decide.

Don't go your DH might want you. Even if he thinks he won't, he might feel differently if his mum dies/gets worse or there are decisions to be made while you are gone. Frankly if your friend doesn't understand she's a scummy human being who doesn't much care about you.

I would ask DH saying I am planning to reschedule, if he said don't and go then I would.

And this

This.

Go the concert.

This! I'd contemplate divorce

I wouldn’t be able to go to a concert and have fun knowing that my husband was sat next to his dying mother. Any friend that gets annoyed wouldn’t be classed as a friend at all.