AIBU to feel unsure about continuing an unexpected third pregnancy?

I don't think you are giving your children credit here. Most kids would be happy on a camping holiday. Anything new is exciting. I doubt they would even notice that much if your holidays changed slightly. Although I've read your OP and it sounds to me like you have made your mind up and you have a lot of valid reasons for not proceeding. If you already have one child who has additional needs that is a lot OP. The other thing that popped into my head and apologies if its been brought up later in the thread. Are you sure the treatment your husband had (especially if it was supposed to make him infertile) hasn't affected his sperm in any way? I would check with the consultant he saw. I only say it because my oldest was born with a congenital limb defect and the geneticist suggested my husband's previous treatment could have been a factor in the defect. We weren't planning on children when he was taking the medication but got caught out. I didn't know about the medication until afterwards when our son was born. He stopped taking it shortly before I got pregnant.

Once I knew my family was complete (I have two), i couldn't have been persuaded to have another for anything.

I just didn't want a third. And thats fine.

It doesn't matter whether people on here think the OP's lifestyle could stand downsizing. That's irrelevant. They have the lifestyle they do by design not accident.

She's not obliged to continue with a pregnancy she doesn't want.

OP, whatever your reasons you are 100% entitled to them.
I wouldn't dream of going back to the baby stage once my children were in primary.

Listen to your hesitation, I think you are done.
Nothing wrong with knowing you are done.

Where has she said she can't afford one?
She's said she doesn't think they can maintain their current lifestyle. She isn't pleading poverty, she's been totally upfront.

I think people just can't handle the numbers

This is the second abortion post recently. The frothing that they have caused has been quite something.

She didn’t say that another child would plunge them into poverty, she said they couldn’t afford another child and their current lifestyle. What’s the issue with that?

And if you get pregnant you shouldn't be forced to keep it as sone kind of sick punishment

No one’s saying she’s done anything wrong by wanting to keep her lifestyle.
The point is she can afford another child, she just doesn’t want the trade offs. That’s fine. Just say that instead of making it sound like she’s hard up.

Fine, it doesn’t have to be a big moral drama. But stop pretending this is about not being able to afford another child.
They’ve got two kids in private school, expensive holidays, a dream house on the go, and paid help. That’s not hardship. That’s choosing not to take a hit to their lifestyle.
Just say she don’t want to adjust. That’s honest. Claiming she “can’t” is not

They don't want to cut the holidays out though. And that's fine.

I believe the only reason a women should have an abortion is when she doesn't want a baby.
Do you want another baby?
If so thats ok you and dh can make it work.
If not thats ok you dont have to have another baby.

Good luck

You aren't pro-choice if you judge women for the reasons for their abortions.

The world doesn't need more children. If someone feels they can offer their existing family a better life without one more kid, that is an entirely legitimate decision.

Not to mention, of course, that people's financial circumstances can change. 3 mouths when you are unemployed is a lot more than 2.

I’m late to the thread but I can’t get past a luxury holiday and several package holidays a year at 50k !!!

I know I’m missing the point.
Cut out the holidays you could afford educate the third one privately I’m sure!

House -tick - as you’re already moving to a bigger place. Baby doesn’t need own room for a long time yet.

School - think of all the cash freed up if you move your two to state, at least for primary?

Holidays - one less holiday per year will cover the cost if the extra hotel room needed on the others.

Support - very important. Sounds like you can afford a part time nanny though? You’ll have a network of other parents of your kids classmates. Build from that. You can do reciprocal play dates etc.

Crikey that's smug.

An unplanned pregnancy can often be a dilemma. It does affect your lifestyle, your spending, your time with each child. But only you can decide what sacrifices you are willing to make to have this child. If you are not willing to make them, then perhaps termination is the best option for you.

I had an unplanned third pregnancy. It was a shock, and caused some worry, but it never once occurred to me to terminate. It's just not something I could personally do. DH and I just had to work out the logistics of how we would organise our time and money. If we went on fewer holidays, well, that's just the way it would be. And that was fine with us. Having that third baby (she's now 21) was the best decision I ever made. Not really a decision, actually, just something we got on and coped with, because in my mind there wasn't an alternative.

We were lucky enough to still had several holidays a year, but they were mostly camping breaks in the UK, with perhaps one foreign holiday (and done on a budget). I've never flown first class/business class in my life, so didn't have to give that up! Couldn't have afforded private school for one child, let alone three. No nannies or much family help. We worked around the kids, so one of us was always at home with them, and they got plenty of attention.

But that's me. Not you. Luxury holidays and first class travel were not important to me (they'd have been nice, but not important), and I'd never choose them over the life of my unborn baby. No judgment on what's important to you though, we're all different. Only you can decide whether giving up some of the things that seem important to you are worth it to have this child. And how would you feel if you had a termination? I'm sure everyone deals with this differently, some can move past it better than others, although I am sure it is always difficult.

Tbh I think some of it is based on hostility towards OP’s financial circumstances.

“She’s not struggling, and it’s not fair that she’s not struggling. She should have to struggle! How dare those spoilt brats be enjoying first class travel and private school.”

Shit happens. No reason to upend your life as a result when you don’t have to.

They shouldnt - that’s why we use contraception 🙃

She isn't pretending anything. It's ok for the OP to want the material comforts she has. She hasn't done anything wrong. And I say that as someone who would give anything to have another baby.

As a side note, if your husband had treatment that was likely to have rendered him infertile, I would be very concerned about what impact that may have had on the quality of his sperm.

There have been studies that have found that damage to sperm increases the risk of neurodevelopmental conditions in children.

You are NOT pro-choice.

It isn’t a ‘heartbreaking moral dilemma’ for all of us, or anything other than a straightforward decision to make. There’s no inherent need to agonize and wring your hands about it.

Why should she want to downgrade her family’s lifestyle when they’ve worked and planned to provide precisely what they have now? An unplanned and unwanted pregnancy is no reason to upend their current lives. It doesn’t matter if others make do with less, OP neither has to nor wants too. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Then you aren't pro-choice.

Yes I can see this POV

You can only be pro-choice if you are poor, a teen mum or a poor teen mum. Those are the 'good' reasons for having an abortion.