AIBU not to want to meet my uncle's affair partner?

You’re an adult it’s up to you who you socialise with.

You don’t have to meet her. It’s nothing to do with anyone including your aunt. I wouldn’t have anything to do with people who’d had an affair so I wouldn’t be having anything to do with my uncle either.

I wouldn’t want to see the uncle either. There are consequences for treating people like shit.

You don't have to meet her but you also don't have to meet him. He treated your Aunt for worse than his affair partner did, he broke his wedding vows.

Your uncle has no right to tell you who you should allow in your life. It's none of his business, you are an adult and perfectly able to choose who you see. He also has no right to tell you you 'should be over it'. That also is up to you.

You don’t want to meet him but you’re prepared to keep seeing him?

Surely you’re angrier at him than a stranger?

The problem here is not really the affair, it’s the lying to YOU (all), and treating your Aunt badly after he left.

All of these out who he really is and should make you reconsider whether you want him around.

This 100%

Well your “family friends” can welcome her as much as they choose. You do what feels right for you.

You don't have to meet her, but equally, you'll probably lose your relationship with your uncle if you don't. It's up you what's more important to you.

Also, unless you're hosting the family event it's really not up to you who attends. If other family members invite her then you have a choice about whether or not you attend.

Yanbu. Your sister is right you can choose who you spend time with, if you don't want to meet your uncles new partner nobody can force you. I'd certainly wouldn't want to have anything to do with either of them.

It’s up to you. Yanbu not to want to meet the affair partner though. Affairs should be more punished/frowned upon IMO. It’s so awful to destroy families and lives.

No you shouldn't meet her if you don't want to. I don't blame you for wanting nothing to do with such a woman.

I would definitely not meet her.

You can tell your uncle that you don't think it's fair on your aunt to socialise with the woman who was part of a very unhappy and shocking experience.

Why are you making her the focus? It’s your uncle who is the lying asshole here, your anger should be directed at him!

YANBU
It’s your choice and I don’t think I would want to see either of them for a good long while, possibly never at all.

FWIW I don't mix with people who have no integrity, honesty, dignity, loyalty, not authentic, genuine and who are dishonest. It doesn't matter whether they are family or not.
I've never understood the need to play happy families with these type of people. Forgive, yes, forget and move on. However I don't have them in my life.

Well I can quite see why you don't want to meet her but its weird to punish her more for the affair than your uncle who was actually the one who lied to and cheated on your aunt.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Entirely up to you. You are not required to so readily engage with his affair partner.

As I have aged (and now I’m pretty old) one thing that troubles me greatly about these ‘adulterer’
posts, is how the invective is nearly always directed at ‘the woman’. Do we shun the people who transgress in other ways? Do we refuse to socialize with tax dodgers, the adulterer who stays married and still carries on with other women, the man who accesses porn and uses prostitutes? Believe me the data is very clear, we are surrounded by racists, misogynists, functioning coke heads and greedy people. When people feel let down by the actions of others, in this case the uncle, why not explain things to him, simply and honestly? The ‘boycott’ needs an explanation, it maybe a way of bringing home to him, that he has hurt people and needs to understand how actions have consequences. You think less of him, you are entitled to think less of him, but focus on that legitimate complaint rather than other stuff. There are so many agendas in MN whenever there is a reference to “the OW”.
Men and women should be held to the same standards. Sometimes the rush to shun the OW gets an awful lot of men off the hook. BTW I’ve experienced the pain of adultery, but it was my husband’s choice. His partner in crime didn’t know me from Adam or Eve. I’m sure she was told all kinds of untruths about his ‘emotional turmoil’, his longing to be loved etc etc. He broke his promise to be faithful. If nearly half of all marriages result in separation and divorce, how many survive and continue to be marriages where adultery is tolerated? Sexual infidelity (believe me) is awful but so is financial infidelity. Losing one’s home, one’s financial independence, one’s future is an absolute hit to the solar plexus. Adultery is a grave abuse of trust, but sexual desire, vanity, etc etc are powerful instincts which often overwhelm people. How many of us recall the days when our hormones were raging and infatuation, lust, call it what you will, dominated a good part of our lives? Now I’m older I think TG for the menopause or as a friend says …the pause on men…Just speak to your uncle and explain how you feel….You are allowed to think for yourself and decide where your loyalties lie, but don’t fallen into the ‘I’ll stay in touch with him but I’ll never meet the OW’ school of revenge.

Exactly how much time has passed? Three years? Fifteen? How long were your aunt and uncle married? Just curious and trying to understand context? Do you have DCousins?

we should support him and his new relationship now time has passed.

Anyone who tells me what I should do, who I should like, who I should forgive - I tell them fuck right off. Its my decision, if you want to socialise with the lying deceitful scum thats your perogative. You do you, I'll make my own decisions thank you. We can both be happy.

If you want to keep him at arms length, do it.
Anyone who doesn't, their choice.