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Original poster

Should I have made him a drink

82 replies

Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 16:40

Help settle an argument for me

husband was upstairs, had been for about 5 minutes and I could hear he was in the bathroom.
I was downstairs, washing up and putting things away- poured myself a glass of Coke. By the time he came down I was sat in the living room with our daughter with my drink. He makes a sarcastic comment about not making him a drink too.
was I wrong to not make one too?

OP posts:
MagicUser1 · 17/09/2026 12:41

I think asking someone who is upstairs in the bathroom if they want a coke is ridiculous and no, I wouldnt' do it. If I was pouring a glass and DH was in the room/downstairs - sure. If I was making coffee which is a bit of a palaver, I might call up and ask if he wants one. If I'm making tea, if he's downstairs, I'll ask, but not if he's upstairs.

I assume this is just the tip of a very large iceberg of irrational, controlling, abusive behaviours?

Itsasecretnow · 17/09/2026 12:40

Is it a special kind of bathroom, like a door to a Mr Benn world, that made his arms fall off when he exited? If so you’d have been a tiny bit unreasonable, if, and only if, he asked nicely after he came down and realised he couldn’t undo the lid with his toes.

Zucker · 17/09/2026 12:39

Oh so he wants a maid. He thinks you should serve him. Does he do the same in return, if he's grabbing breakfast does he make yours? Grabbing a drink does he make them for all present?

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 17/09/2026 12:31

Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 00:23

I can’t believe how he still insists I am wrong.. but to add to my “selfishness” he says me making myself cereal ( cold milk cereal) grabbing a cereal bar in the morning for breakfast and not asking if he wants anything is selfish too. Am I wrong in assuming a 40 year old man is capable of doing this?? I feel like I am going mad here.

Out of interest, OP, how often does he make you a drink/something to eat when he's getting himself something? 🤔

You said calling you selfish is his go-to thing.
That suggests to me that you have react3d to this in the past in a way that pleases him in some way.

You are NOT being selfish, so just lay that accusation to rest. Work out a response to him, for example, 'oh not that one again.
How very unoriginal '.

Or you could borrow a phrase from another long running MN thread - There We Are Then.
Aka TWAT.

He's definitely an arse.

GarlicSomething · 17/09/2026 04:14

Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 00:23

I can’t believe how he still insists I am wrong.. but to add to my “selfishness” he says me making myself cereal ( cold milk cereal) grabbing a cereal bar in the morning for breakfast and not asking if he wants anything is selfish too. Am I wrong in assuming a 40 year old man is capable of doing this?? I feel like I am going mad here.

Does he always offer you what he's having?

(Let me guess - he doesn't self-cater unless you've 'selfishly' sorted yourself out first.)

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 17/09/2026 03:15

Nah! If anyone in our family is making coffee/ tea, they shout out to the others. Cold drinks its every man for themselves.

Original poster
Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 01:39

Longleaf · 17/09/2026 00:53

Either he is a truly awful man or this is completely out of character and would have me worried about why he's so out of sorts.

Only you know which.

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Its not the first time he has nitpicked me and calling me selfish seems to be his go to comment whenever he’s cross about something

OP posts:
Jeschara · 17/09/2026 01:19

Sorry but he is lazy. He calls you selfish and insults you whenever you get yourself something, which he is quite able to get himself.

To be honest he sounds pathetic and I would be telling him to grow up.

Boreded · 17/09/2026 01:12

Personally I would have shouted up and asked if he wanted one too. But that’s just what we would do in our house…I don’t think it is unreasonable that you didn’t get him one, he is perfectly capable.

Nopersbro · 17/09/2026 01:04

If he'd been right there when you poured yourself a Coke, it would have been polite to ask if he wanted one. Since he was not there and you'd had no discussion about drinks or about how long he'd be gone, it would have been wasteful to pour him a glass of Coke as it could easily have gone flat depending on how long he was away or gone to waste completely if he had not wanted a glass of Coke right then.

In the time he spent haranguing you, he could have poured himself a glass of Coke and drunk it. Would he tell you what's really bothering him, or does he normally fancy himself a wind-up artist at your expense?

Longleaf · 17/09/2026 00:53

Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 16:55

Actually pissy. Said I was selfish and only thinking of myself

Show quote history

Either he is a truly awful man or this is completely out of character and would have me worried about why he's so out of sorts.

Only you know which.

Original poster
Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 00:23

I can’t believe how he still insists I am wrong.. but to add to my “selfishness” he says me making myself cereal ( cold milk cereal) grabbing a cereal bar in the morning for breakfast and not asking if he wants anything is selfish too. Am I wrong in assuming a 40 year old man is capable of doing this?? I feel like I am going mad here.

OP posts:
LadySparrow · 16/09/2026 18:28

Is he an armless amputee? If so YABU.

Otherwise YANBU he’s a lazy twat that can pour his own drink.

Men are just absurd.

Original poster
Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 18:21

Thanks all, you’ve confirmed my suspicions that I was in the right 😊

OP posts:
MaryBeardsShoes · 16/09/2026 17:51

What a fucking bellend. Him not you, of course.

TheJoySpreader · 16/09/2026 17:51

Also if he’s too lazy to pour a coke out of the bottle for himself I’d have serious issues with him! That level of lazy is unacceptable! 🙄

TheJoySpreader · 16/09/2026 17:49

You can’t ’make’ someone a coke, it’s already made in the bottle for him!

He’s talking rubbish just to put you in the wrong, if you’d have poured him a random coke without being asked, chances are he wouldn’t want it at that exact minute then moaned that it would go flat so you’re wasting coke! You can’t win!

itsmeitsyou · 16/09/2026 17:38

Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 16:45

This is my argument. I think he’s being unfair

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Hope you told him life isn't fair!

TheLambtonWorm · 16/09/2026 17:37

I'm surprised he didn't shout of you to wipe his arse tbh.

Bellyblueboy · 16/09/2026 17:35

He doesn’t sound like a very nice man and it doesn’t sound like he likes you.

Petrolitis · 16/09/2026 17:18

Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 16:55

Actually pissy. Said I was selfish and only thinking of myself

Show quote history

Tell him youre not his fucking maid

LuckyHazelFox · 16/09/2026 17:08

Bless his hard done by cotton little socks.

ExplodingCarrots · 16/09/2026 17:00

Is he for real ? If I’m making a hot drink I offer everyone in the house but everyone just makes their own cold drinks . Does he think you’re a mind reader ? It sounds like he’s finding any excuse to have a go at you. I don’t know how people live with people like this.

Original poster
Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 16:55

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 16/09/2026 16:49

Was he actually pissed off or just teasing you?

Actually pissy. Said I was selfish and only thinking of myself

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 16/09/2026 16:49

Was he actually pissed off or just teasing you?