How would you have handled this? SEND toddler in community centre.

Exactly true. I had this situation happen time and time and i did stand by ground.

Just say

Equality act 2010. They soon shut up

I think you did very well @Vni8w
Id have said similar or perhaps “anything is possible?” If I was feeling more arsey. A young mum with a disabled toddler and a baby trying to feed them should have all our support. Well done for not hiding away and pushing forward towards a better life for you all. It will get easier and she will grow up and you’ll both learn ways to manage the tricky bits. Take lots of photos and enjoy these years they go very quickly.

Whilst ignoring the fact as ever, some of us are deaf and some of us are too sensitive to loud noise to the extent that it causes physical pain

Would all the judgemental, intolerant, nitpicking posters please read and re-read. You really could learn something from this post. ZebraPrince 👏👏👏👏. If more people were like you life for SEN parents and our kids would be so much easier. 💙

The lack of tolerance really annoys me. We were on holiday somewhere and it was a small hotel with an outdoor pool. There was an elderly couple there with an adult son with Down syndrome. He would occasionally shout and yelp and jump into the swimming pool. It was harmless. But there was a couple there with a young adult child, and they sniggered or rolled their eyes every time the man made a noise. I felt so bad for the family. Even my kids who were around 10 and 12 at the time found that family’s behaviour abhorrent.

There was a lovely outdoor garden place for breakfast and it broke my heart when I saw the elderly couple and their disabled son eating breakfast in a separate area inside. There was just no need for that.

We need to stop being so precious about the behaviour of people with SEN. I say focus your irritation on adults watching videos at full volume on public transport instead…

OP I a woman in my 50s (!!!) with adult kids. I don’t have much experience of children with SEN. But if I saw a mum with a screaming child trying to feed them, I would either say nothing, give a friendly smile or ask if I could help. Please don’t imagine that everybody is judging you. Well done on taking two buses to a nursery to help your child. You’re doing a great job.

The OP has already explained why she can't feed her child at home before leaving..

I don't think anyone is under the impression that the lanyard has magical calming quietening properties.

Feed her at home next time.
I would have taken her out. It's unfair to disrupt others.
The lanyard is nor going to stop her having a tantrum. It just alerts others to the possible reason for the problem.

It's nitpicking.

Why are people ‘twats’ for finding your child shrieking uncomfortable? I agree they shouldn’t have a go at you but I once reacted to a screeching child by putting my hands to my ears as it was causing me quite a lot of pain and sensory overload. I didn’t look at the mother or the child.

However the mother did have a go at me. She also clearly thought that doing anything other than smiling indulgently at the source of the noise makes someone a twat.

What about someone who mentions it because it sets their own ND child into meltdown?

I didn't say ballistic, I said loud. Sometimes my kid makes whooping noises or shrieks or yelps. And yeah, sometimes people (/twats) complain about it from time to time because it doesn't sound nice to their ears. And yes, I tell them where to go, sorry. He can't help it.

So I have a huge amount of sympathy for the OP. She was basically alone in a community space and the one other person there wanted her to go away because her kid was upset. Come on really. She wasn't in a cafe, she wasn't in the ritz, she wasn't in a theatre or a library. Packing up a thrashing wailing toddler and a newborn to go outside likely would have been logistically very hard and made things even worse.

And yes if my kid had a meltdown I'd take him outside but that's why I didn't go anywhere with my 2 alone for years as obviously I couldn't just leave the other one behind. The OP is in a different situation where she doesn't have that backup.

I have no idea what you do to 'make' your SEN kids be quiet. Maybe when you say SEN you mean dyslexia or something. You sound pretty clueless tbh.

Many children can bolt, reins are helpful for this but in any case, OP is dragging the kid on 2 buses to get there, so of course she is tired by then and cranky. SEN or not you manage the behaviour.

The nursery isn't the place OP was using at the time. The nursery no doubt helpfully suggested the community centre out of convenience for Op but she can wait anywhere she likes. The nursery doesn't have to come up with any suggestions for how OP parents or manages her meal times for the kids

'The community centre has been used only by a teenage boy and who I assume is his tutor every day I've come in. They're sat down by the time we arrive.'

What's the relevance of this? ^

I assume you mean that a young man and his tutor and working in the community centre, in the area you were also in?

In which case, yes, you should have taken your child outside to calm down. Sure that's common sense? SEND or not.

Quite right the 'woman in her 50's' (why is her age relevant?) had to approach you. And by that, I do not mean tell your child off, I mean take them outside or somewhere away from people trying to concentrate or have some lunch.

And perhaps the lad who was being tutored had SEND too. The nursery is attached to the community centre but presumably they are only responsible for their area. The OP was ASKED to wait around in case of issues.

Community centres are places of inclusivity but sometimes people’s conflict. If the lad who was being tutored for example also had SEND and was distressed by the noise, should he have to wait outside?

We don’t know the circumstances of why he was there in any case.

In a shared space, everyone needs to consider others. Believe me when I say that speaking to mother about their child making a noise is not something people do lightly because it can get nasty very quickly.

the child has already been turned away from 2 other nurseries. The Op is forced to travel to access one.

kindly what’s the point in joining nursery an hour and 2 buses away that you then have to wait around all day with another baby outside of?

Some children with SEND can bolt, keeping a child in the throes of a melt down indoors is the safest thing to do. The nursery absolutely are the ones that need to come up with a solution. The childish their books and they will have a send policy they need to follow. If every nursery outsourced to parents during sessions for every challenging need there would be chaos. The current system isn’t working, they need to think of a new one. SEND parents do parent and are often far more skilled at parenting than those fortune enough not to be battling with SEND on top of challenging parenting stages.

Because it is a SEND child at their setting. You don’t just get to punt out kids with SEND you don’t like.😂 They are the professionals and need to come up with safe solutions- in their setting.

People don't necessarily have a right to be unhelpful towards others struggling with send or ask them to leave. It depends on policies in place. Community centres are supposed to be places of inclusivity.

Either way it’s the nursery’s problem. They are being paid to care for the child in question. The nursery will have SEND, safeguarding and inclusivity policies which the mother very much needs to read.

Also to add one of mine is SEN but is very sensitive to noise hence we generally stay outside as anything inside is often too noisy. So a 5 minute meltdown would have started mine off and there likely to run off even when 2 which was a safety nightmare for me. So seeing both sides and asking for consideration please remember both sides that include SEN even adults.

People that can’t stand noise enough that they have to say something or walk off in a huff could be SEN themselves, so again consideration on both sides (and why I tend to sit outside on a park bench).

As a Send mum myself with a child who had horrible meltdowns I do not agree with you. I always took my child outside waiting for him to calm down. That's what we do with nt kids do no discrimination. I can't fathom that you think it's OK for everyone to suffer hearing your shild go ballistic just because he has Send🤷‍♀️

Keep on trucking, OP. Well done for finding a great nursery, most parents don’t have to keep searching after rejections: it takes guts and stamina to keep trying, and you’ve done brilliantly finding this place.
You need to use this grit and backbone you obviously have, and this commitment to doing your best for your kids, even unto 4 buses a day just for nursery, into letting go of others’ judgments. You are not responsible for the receptionist’s discomfort or the tutor’s environment: you are using also a community member, using the space appropriately and doing your best. You cannot be waiting outside for hours, stop that. It’s autumn now and you have a baby.

Told to go there by the nursery? What so that means she has to stay there glued to the seat come hell or high water? Don't be ridiculous.

The nursery are not the ones that need to develop a solution, does no-one parent anymore. It's certainly not dangerous to take a child outside to calm down, talk about alarmist!!

Why should the nursery come up with the solution? Op didn’t take the child out and it’s over now. What inclusivity policies do you expect? Presumably everyone is welcome there. However that does come with responsibility on everyone to be thoughtful and mindful of others.

Things happen but there is clearly a reason the women felt the need to speak up - rightly or wrongly.

The child’s actions were impacting others negatively - that happens but people also have a right to speak up about it.