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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by repeated IVF suggestions from family?

17 replies

Dbd310 · 16/09/2026 12:30

Hi everyone

I am 38, nearly 39. I have a wonderful nearly 4yo DC. We aew trying for another. Sadly we had a miscarriage this year after falling pregnant quickly. Its been a few months since the miscarriage and no pregnancy, which feels a kick in the face.

A family member keeps reminding me of my age and IVF options and it is pissing me off. I am aware of both things. I too have googled fertility issues and I dont just rely on Google AI. I read research papers to understand these things.

I dont think I would want to go through IVF. I hate being pregnany anyway and the idea of loads of invasive medical procedures in order to be pregnant makes the idea of being pregnant much more horrible.

So am I being unreasonable to be pissed off by someone sending me google information about ivf and fertility treatment?

OP posts:
Keyleads · 16/09/2026 12:32

How fxxking rude.
Shut it down and tell them your fertility is none of their business.
I wouldn't want to be near them.
If its a parent, spell it out clearly.
So rude.

HeyThereDelila · 16/09/2026 12:33

I think they’re probably just trying to help, albeit clumsily.

I’d stop telling people you’re trying again.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to pursue IVF; it sounds horrendous.

PullingOutHair123 · 16/09/2026 12:36

And this is why you don't tell everyone you know you are trying for a baby.

It's just an invitation for people to send unwanted "helpful comments".

CandidRaven · 16/09/2026 12:40

I would just tell them once you have no interest in having IVF and you don't want any further conversations about it. I didn't tell anyone we were planning a baby until I was already pregnant because I didn't want the constant interference, people don't know how to mind their own business so you are best giving them no information at all.

TruffleSlinky · 16/09/2026 12:42

Tell this person you have no intention of doing IVF. It doesn't matter if you ever change your mind in future - still worth saying now.

BreezyClouds · 16/09/2026 12:42

Have you told them your thoughts?

Some people feel ivf is failure, they could be trying to help

If you've told them ivf is off the table they should not keep mentioning it

YankSplaining · 16/09/2026 12:43

Oops, I clicked the wrong one! You are not being unreasonable.

WestwardHo1 · 16/09/2026 12:46

YANBU

Often people who have not gone through fertility treatment have no idea what an all encompassing, invasive, heartbreaking, often negative rollercoaster it is. They appear to think that IVF results in babies far more often than it does.

I remember my aunt sending me a text just assuming it had worked, asking where I was going to put "the baby" in our small house. The same day as I had the negative pregnancy test. She whined that she just meant well.

momager22 · 16/09/2026 14:54

‘I’m not interested in IVF so I’d appreciate it if you would stop bringing it up. Is that clear?’
‘You agreed to stop talking about this, why are you bringing it up?’ Repeat as needed.

Bonniegirlie · 16/09/2026 15:57

Send them google info re plastic surgery/boob implant surgery/penile implant surgery depending on their sex, that might shut them up

seahorsessky · 16/09/2026 16:03

It might well be coming from a place of love, and maybe someone who experienced miscarriage or infertility themselves and who didn't know of IVF at the time (if an older relative, it might not have been available). So I wouldn't speak harshly-I'd clearly state you appreciate they're meaning to be helpful, but you have fully researched all your options, and really do not want to discuss or look into this further, so please do not mention it again. Please consider the subject closed. Thanks.

JLMA · 16/09/2026 16:04

YANU to be annoyed by it.

also ivf is not the silver bullet that everyone thinks it is. It does not guarantee a baby.

sometimes the regular way way can take a bit of time.

“your comments are not helpful” rinse and repeat

Original poster
Dbd310 · 16/09/2026 22:37

Thanks so much for all your messages. I find it hard to know if I am over reacting to things. I am pretty sure it comes from a place of love as they had to have IVF. It must be confusing for someone who has IVF (and it worked) to hear someone say they dont want IVF....but these things are complicated and individual. Also, IVF chat is a bit premature in my opinion. Its only been a couple of months...

I have promised myself I wont talk to them about it for a while.

OP posts:
Morecoffeeneedef · 16/09/2026 23:39

Strange how people feel free to offer unsolicited advice about such a sensitive subject. They probably mean well but they are not you, and what helped them may be quite wrong for you.

marlboro · 16/09/2026 23:39

Ask them about their sex lives and if they call you out say what… I thought private issues were cool considering you’re talking to me about ivf

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 16/09/2026 23:41

Have you told them to stop?

Bikergran · 17/09/2026 08:17

@Dbd310 if they do it just once more, tell them outright they are being rude and intrusive while you are still grieving. Tell them you do not want to hear one more word from them EVER about this, and if they do you will cut all contact. Get your partner to back you up on this.

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