To book a solo weekend away without my partner?

I’m glad your view of him has changed. This is not a good relationship for you. It’s hard to see that when you’ve been with someone for so long and from a young age but you have outgrown him.

I totally get why you want to go to the book shops. That part of Charing Cross Road has a character of its own and I think you will enjoy some of the smaller shops that are tucked away. If I was making that trip as a one off, I think I would splurge on the hotel and dinner too as far as I could afford to. Maybe even go over to the British library on the second day.

Are you more educated than him? He doesn't sound very bright/fully formed!

Op, I think this relationship has reached its expiry date. X

Is it Daunt? Wonderful!!!!
You need to be who you are and it sounds like he doesn't want that...

Edited to add that it sounds wonderful-my DS loves book stores more than any other type and would happily spend a day in one!

YANBU, he sounds controlling and like he's holding you back.

If you like bookshops you need to plan a visit to Blackwells in Oxford, best bookshop I've ever been to, and I also love bookshops!

Yes it is intimidating breaking up with someone, but relationships can become habitual and joyless. I broke up with my LTP at the age of 33 after 13 years together. It was the best thing I did.
I would also add that the fact he is 'enraged' is a massive red flag and very off putting. You are not be joined at the hip and are free to pursue separate interests with family and friends. Please do opt for a future without this man in your life.

You’ve outgrown this joyless, constricting relationship, OP. Don’t waste another twelve years out of sunk cost fallacy. Don’t waste another twelve days, in fact.

And from whom have you absorbed the idea that loving books is ‘sad’?

Presuming you must be at the very least in your late twenties, and sounds like you dont have kids or own a house together, what is he doing to never have any money to go away? Does he work in a really dead end job? Or is he just rubbish with money?

Tbh op it sounds like you've outgrown the relationship. If youre not even living together after 12 years I think you know that too.

Even if he wasnt being unreasonable about going away alone (he is!), then getting "enraged" about something so minor is a huge red flag, as is him not wanting YOU to do nice things if he cant!

Have you never been away with friends or family or whatever without him? It sounds like you've spent most of what should be your fun carefree years being a bit dragged tied down by this loser him.

Also can the "cost of london hotel" and "why would you want to spend that on going to a bookstore" people bore off. OP isnt asking for financial advice.

Inform this dud that if, at any time he was under the impression that you wanted to travel with him, he was quite wrong.

He can go pound salt.

You are totally entitled to go somewhere yourself and enjoy something just for YOU. I think it sounds like a wonderful solo trip and I hope you have a great time. You can do what you please, when you please, eat what you please, when you please. Heck, my idea of heaven on earth!

That sounds like my sort of trip - one I have done a version of a fair few times!

My partner has his trips away, I have mine, sometimes they overlap with interests or friends - or they don't. I cannot imagine him reacting like this.

You have been given good advice here anyway!

I would leave him. He is weird and controlling.

Oh my goodness, this is a definite ltb situation.

So according to him, you have to miss out on travel just because he chooses not to spend money on holidays.

He only goes on holiday when you pay??

Sod that!!

For context, I am in a 7 year relationship. We went long haul together this year and paid our own way. I am going to Europe with a family member later on the year. Also this year, I have been on a girl's weekend trip without him and I have had 4 other holidays/weekends away without him, between 2-17 nights long. I have more trips later this year. He is welcome on most of them, but doesn't come because he doesn't have the annual leave, has pets and probably couldn't afford that many holidays. He has just been on a long haul trip without me to do with something I am not interested in. He wasn't going to go but I encouraged him to chase his dream!

In the past I have been to an Asian country with just my married female friend, because her husband has less annual leave and money. They still went abroad several times together that year.

This is how people in trusting and supportive relationships are!! They are pleased for each other to have experiences that they love, and add to their quality of life, even if it doesn't include them. This is how normal relationships should be.

100 a night is perfectly achievable in London as well as other major cities, even for 4-5 star hotels... Especially in January and also if it's a Sunday night.

YABU. You should go to Wigtown! It’s a whole lovely little village full of bookshops.

Read up on the sunken costs fallacy and close the book on this man.

So you're still quite young. You have your whole life ahead of you to explore without restriction. Please go and enjoy yourself fully.

Like lots of pps, your trip is my idea of heaven! Maybe you could send us virtual postcards on here 😄

Why do you find the idea of breaking up with him intimidating?

That makes you very vulnerable to being treated like shit....

I'm off on holiday in December for a week on my husband. As my husband is an adult and not a toddler, he's told me to enjoy myself.

If you've been together 12 years and don't live together then what is the point of this relationship? I'd break up and be single, find what you like as an individual. He isn't going to improve so sack him off.

Enraged?

As a book lover, do it!
Married 32 years and I love being with my husband but do enjoy a fair amount of time on my own.

My boyfriend is going away next week for 4 days cycling.
It’s not a big deal. I’ll be busy/ at work. He didn’t invite me as he cycles a lot quicker than I do so it wouldn’t be fun for either of us.
So I don’t see why you can’t go away on your own/ looking at books or whatever you want to do. It wouldn’t be a relaxing browse with someone else there.
If he wants the 2 of you to go away that’s lovely but you can save up and go 5050. It’s not for your mum to pay for it!

Eugh Op he sounds awful. Go and enjoy yourself. And from a fellow book lover do your next solo trip to Hay on Wye xx

What a waste of your life.

This surely isn't the first instance in 12 years that he's displayed possessive/controlling behaviour? Why isn't he able to save up and pay for a holiday? Lots of travel agents do cheap deals, especially in off peak times!

Why are you bankrolling him?

Omg what a controlling prick. Don't ever live with him. Put him in the bin!