To want DP to put his foot down with his mum?

My DM is a bit like this (not as bad, though) and yes my DH does find her annoying, as do I. She has to have an opinion on everything and make ‘suggestions’. She’s 87 now, so is hardly going to change her ways.

We mostly just listen to her advice and suggestions (occasionally she might be right) and then ignore most of them.

She can be hyper critical sometimes, which can get me down. It’s complicated by the fact that she didn’t know that my DSis and I were being sexually abused by our F when we were growing up and therefore didn’t protect us from him. So this makes me find her criticisms hard to take sometimes.

However, unlike the OP’s MIL, she can be positive too, so she isn’t nearly as bad as that. She’s just overly ‘honest’.

You definitely have my sympathy, OP. Unfortunately the dynamic you describe isn’t very likely to change. People don’t change that much really. Your DP needs to change the way he responds to his mother, and he doesn’t seem prepared to do that.

If you think it’s bad now, imagine what it will be like when you have children ….hell! Nip it in the bud now. Give your partner an ultimatum.

All those asking why OP has put up with her MiL2B trying to interfere and dominate situations, rather than challenging her, are, I suspect forgetting (unless she is much older than her dp) the OP would have been very young at the start of this relationship, quite possibly a teenager, and quite likely started by being polite in deferring to his Mum. I can see that would be an easy pattern to get into - the 'not wanting to seem rude when a guest in her house'.

It is good OP has recognised it now and has the chance to reset the boundaries as they move their relationship to the next stage.

Interested to know the backnstory - does your partner have any siblings op? Is MIL as invested in them? Is she single - either widowed or divorced? Sounds like she has way too much time on her hands.

Can’t you be firmer with her OP? If she says she doesn’t like your choice of flowers. “Thanks for your opinion but I like them. I’m getting them”. Don’t like the venue. “Well it’s booked and can’t be changed. We booked it because we like it. You don’t have to come if you really dislike it.” Moves your furniture around. “You should’ve checked with us first if it was ok to move it. Now we have to move it all back where we want it.”

Good that she has got a partner - she might be even worse if not!

This brings back memories - bad ones, of my late MIL. She don’t like our wedding venue either, so booked a different one without us knowing. She wasn’t paying a penny towards it either! We had our original venue but her behaviour didn’t stop until she died.

Why does it bother you so much? You bought the house anyway, you presumably aren’t changing the wedding venue. Some people are like that, you should just let her get on with it and ignore her.

@Catsandcola what does your fiancé say when you ask him to stop letting his mum walk all over both of you?

When you get married you should be his number one priority not his mum.

Well the fact you won't be having children is really huge.
That does change things a lot.
You will not be held hostage by them if things become unbearable and want to leave but feel you can't.
It also gives you much easier boundaries where you simply send him off to his mummy by himself.
Keep your friends, interests and family close.
Have a busy independent life within your marriage and wave him merrily off to spend time with her.
She will probably love it.
Encourage him to visit her, not you hosting.
Start as you mean to go and it can be done.
He mainly hosts his mother when you are away.
It can be done very successfully.

My friend has largely done this keeping meetings to a couple of times a year.

One huge blow up caused massive problems when he mentioned her medical issues to his mother and it got back to her the next time they met up.

She was so appalled by his breaching her privacy they went into marriage counselling.
It was the first time he pushed back with his mother because my friend completely out did his mother with the fuss she caused, including moving out of their bedroom for a good 6 months, no holidays or socialising with him, she told her family and friends the truth that she didn't know if the marriage would continue.

He got it and put his mother on notice big time.
It can be done.

Dp.ssys.ignore her is doesn't bother him

Wow
.
How utterly selfish

Op if this was your parent how would you deal with it ?

Id serously consider going further with this man.

You need to make a fuss
.
If may not bother you but it's massively affecting what are you going to do about it.

You have disrespected me runied our last occasion which is suposed to.be exciting and fun by insisting your mum attends and she's upset me again.

I'm not having it what are you going to do.

Is also threaten to just cancel wedding and not go further.

I have married DCs, my friends do too. In my experience most MILs walk on eggshells round their DILs bc a DIL can very easily put distance between ones DS and yourself. In contrast your MIL seems excessively entitled!

If you've got problems now, whatever will she be like if you have children??

Really ?

Can't you understand that nobody wants to go through life with someone pissing on their chips all the time ?

Constant criticism is waring.
Constant negativity is waring.
Constant interference is waring.

Surely you can see that ?

@Freshrain , what does waring mean? I only know it as a surname.

It means I sometimes miss a letter when typing quickly.

It should say 'wearing', but I suspect you know that very well.

It’s bleedinglyobvoius unless you’re very inflexible in your thinking!

You say that the relationship between your future mother in law and your fiance is 'the only problem' - but it's a stonking great, all-encompassing problem.
The two of them have been together for 29 years; she knows how to push his buttons because she installed them. You are the interloper running off with her boy. If you marry then This Is Your Life. I wish you well,

Move as far away as possible otherwise mummy will always be in his ear and you will always be asked to ignore/be the bigger person etc and she will do as she pleases and DP will allow her. You’ve asked him not to include her on going to your wedding venue and he ignored you and brought her anyway. It only gets worse I’m afraid. Hope we’re all wrong, but my experience is I wish I paid attention to the red flags and never married my husband. No man is worth the trouble that crazy MILs bring. Unless she’s old, very very very old

“I said please don’t, she will only give her negative opinion. He invited her still”

It’s not just her being annoying though, is it? Even if you don’t split up your partner really needs to stop doing things like the above…

Well, the good thing is that you're going into this with open eyes. You can hint all you like, but your partner is likely to invite your mother to events where you don't want her there, and he won't have your back when you voice your discontent.

Going into a marriage, the tiny things that bother you now will be the really big things that eventually get to you, and stating that she simply annoys you is not a tiny thing..