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Original poster

AIBU to tell the charity my ex asked DC to lie?

14 replies

DottyAboutDogs · 16/09/2026 09:26

ExH has been looking at getting a dog.

He took DC to see one at a charity the other day, but told DC they had to lie and say they were two years older than they actually are.

DC told me it’s so finding a dog was easier.

It doesn’t sit right with me, and I’m debating telling the charity.

I don’t want to confront ex as we don’t have a good relationship.

I am very rule abiding so I cannot tell if I’m being unreasonable by flagging it with the charity. I’d do it anonymously but it’s obvious it’s come from me.

OP posts:
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Passaggressfedup · 16/09/2026 11:27

You need to pick your battles. Not great that he asked them to lie but there's a lot worse that can happen.

What reporting will do is prevent him from adopting a rescue dog because he'll be banned. You'll be seen as meddling with something that has nothing to do with you and the kids will be upset with you.

What will happen is he'll get a dog from strangers and that will be much more of a risk.

KindlySurfiingPlatypus · 16/09/2026 10:04

A dog that your DH wouldn't be allowed with a 9yo child but would be allowed with an 11yo is not a safe dog for young children to be around and is more likely to bite. Tell the charity the truth.

Original poster
DottyAboutDogs · 16/09/2026 09:59

I think I’m probably worrying as we had a rescue dog that was meant to be suitable for young children when I was a child and it bit my brother. I worry they’re not cautious but that was 30 years ago!

OP posts:
Mouldemort · 16/09/2026 09:59

Stay out of it. This is really not worth the inevitable drama of snitching.

fiveyo · 16/09/2026 09:56

DottyAboutDogs · 16/09/2026 09:44

If I’m being really honest, both.

Ex has a history of not telling the truth and manipulation so that gets to me, more so as he’s getting DC to also lie. I have told DC he shouldn’t be lying about his age.

But, more so, I don’t want a dog going to the wrong home. DC isn’t particularly dog savvy anyway, my feeling is they put age limits on for a reason.

I keep not wanting to be the interfering ex, but I’d feel awful if anything happened to DC or the dog.

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Hmmm - I would probably stay out of it to be honest, The difference in the dog choice probably won't be significant ie they will still be dogs who are considered safe for children (albeit older children) and given we are only talking about a couple of years I imagine your kids would be fine with the 'secondary school dog'. Charities are notoriously cautious about suitability when rehoming anyway so I personally wouldn't be worried.

As for your annoyance at his behaviour, I can totally understand how you feel but really, you'd be better off trying to let got of those feeling (for your own sake), rather than trying to catch him out.

QueenOfAccountability · 16/09/2026 09:52

Tell them then. But theres no point doing it anonymously. He'll work out it was you because it would have to be someone who 1. knows he's applied for a dog there and 2. knows the ages of the children. Not hard to work out.

MelonSorbet · 16/09/2026 09:50

It sounds like a stupid rule, so I would stay out of this one.

Original poster
DottyAboutDogs · 16/09/2026 09:49

TellHerIFeelFine · 16/09/2026 09:46

Well, yes.

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Just to clarify I’m not objecting to ex getting a dog altogether. I just don’t like the lying which could lead to an unsuitable dog

OP posts:
TellHerIFeelFine · 16/09/2026 09:46

QueenOfAccountability · 16/09/2026 09:29

But if you tell them your childrens real ages then the charity won't let him have a dog

Well, yes.

Original poster
DottyAboutDogs · 16/09/2026 09:44

fiveyo · 16/09/2026 09:35

What is your specific concern? That the dog won't be suitable? Or just a general objection to lying / not following the rules?

If I’m being really honest, both.

Ex has a history of not telling the truth and manipulation so that gets to me, more so as he’s getting DC to also lie. I have told DC he shouldn’t be lying about his age.

But, more so, I don’t want a dog going to the wrong home. DC isn’t particularly dog savvy anyway, my feeling is they put age limits on for a reason.

I keep not wanting to be the interfering ex, but I’d feel awful if anything happened to DC or the dog.

OP posts:
fiveyo · 16/09/2026 09:35

What is your specific concern? That the dog won't be suitable? Or just a general objection to lying / not following the rules?

sesquipedalian · 16/09/2026 09:33

The charity will have very good reasons for needing to know the ages of the DC. You are not at all unreasonable to flag it with them.

Original poster
DottyAboutDogs · 16/09/2026 09:31

QueenOfAccountability · 16/09/2026 09:29

But if you tell them your childrens real ages then the charity won't let him have a dog

Most charities split the dogs into primary age children and secondary age children. DC was told to say he was secondary school age.

So they could still get a dog but the pool is smaller. That’s why he was told to lie, so they had more choice.

OP posts:
QueenOfAccountability · 16/09/2026 09:29

But if you tell them your childrens real ages then the charity won't let him have a dog