To be upset about DSS comment about DH and I

Yes, he's been following some crap online and he'll probably outgrow it. As @OhNoooooooooooooooo says though, is he having a go at his Dad? Do they generally have a good relationship, or does he not really respect his Dad (and are there reasons why he might feel that way)? Your DH needs to speak to him about these comments.

I'm willing to bet that he'll meet and fall in love with an ambitious woman in the coming years and all this will go out of the window.

Wow, first thing you need to know is where he’s getting these opinions from . I have 2 sons and 1 daughter. One son’s wife earns double his salary and he’s got a very good job , with in work benefits but hers outshine his immensely and both enjoying them . My daughter earns potentially 20k more than her husband, again she has in work benefits which he doesn’t. Other son is highest earner but his partner is high up in her career and has in work benefits as my son is self employed. There’s literally no egos, they all share responsibilities within their relationships and homes . He isn’t going to go far with this attitude, women don’t want men who don’t value their individual independence.

Honestly I wouldn't worry about this unless it really starts to escalate. Many years ago my then 24DS started sprouting nonsense about the incel movement, how they understood how young men were being left behind etc, really whoa is me shit. Any way 12 years later nothing like that would ever come out of his mouth. He's in a beautiful relationship with a lovely woman who earns more than him and he couldn't be prouder. About to become a father and he will probably be the main caregiver for his baby. The boy at 24 is not the man he is today.

Treat such comments with the contempt they deserve, tell him to shut up and not be so old fashioned and sexist. No doubt he’s watching some mysogynist shit on social media.

I would have responded that I always thought the dinosaurs had gone extinct so am surprised to see one milling around.

Yeah, it's bordering on Handmaids Tale then.

Anyway, he's 18 and has an awful lot of growing up to do before he should be inflicted on an unsuspecting female.🤞🏻

As long as daughters are taught to ignore this shite, then as a species, we're going in the right direction.

The folly of youth. He’ll learn

This is very upsetting but I think it should be his father who speaks to him to understand what is going on

I'd be tempted to ask him to elaborate. If he means it's not fair that you, OP, run yourself ragged whilst his Dad works part time and plays golf every afternoon, then that's probably fair. If his view is he wants his future partner to have less stress because he wants to provide so that she (or he!) can choose a job they love, and have a less stressful life-then that's not awful. But if it's a 'women don't deserve big jobs' then thats different

I see it a different way. He is young, a time when you might still have some influence. That’s when you want to use it.
When they are 25 or 30yo and ideas are well entrentched

Your husband should have dealt with this pig misogyny right then and there ! What did he say ?

This. Roll out these exact questions. I'd add "so do you think it's fine if a woman demanded money from you?", "what sort of job will you be doing to ensure you're a provider?", and "if a wealthy girl fell in love with you and she was perfect in every other way, are you saying no?"

Why is he even aware of what you both make? My children don't know our salaries because its none of their business

And exactly what did your DH say immediately at the time to set his son right on this?

Oh I would not let that go...

"Do you think your father should be paid more for the job he does? Or that he should get a different job, even though he enjoys the job he does?'
'Are you suggesting your father does not contribute enough to the family?'
'are you suggesting your father is not sufficiently experienced or qualified to earn more?'
'do you believe I should be paid less for what I do?'
'do you believe I should quit and take a less well paid role to bring my income down to below that of your fathers, if so... why?'

Pin the little squit down and really question these ideas, don't TELL him he is wrong... just examine the whole stinking attitude thoroughly and find out what the root of it is, in the hopes that HE realises its based on total shite and he's making a prick of himself.

And today on It Didn't Happen...

The time to engage and challenge something that is mysoginist is when the person saying it is young. If views like this are unchallenged they can escalate.

He is allowed to have his preferences. Just like girls can say that they would rather find a man who is happy for them to be a SAHM. Then they will get together and live hopefully happily ever after.

It really isn't his business to comment how much you and your DH earn though and this blanket statements about gender roles are indeed worrying. Sounds very much like he has fallen into the manosphere rabbit hole. There is a lot of good advice how to approach this situation (ridiculing or going nuclear is not good option).

I do wonder why some people‘s kids need to know who earns what

I am an adult and I have never known either of my parent’s salaries! 😂

Maybe I’m the odd one out!

This.

Also, typical talk of a person who never had an opportunity yet opines on things - like I would not want to be a member of the Royal Family. I would not want to send my children to Eton. Case of sour grapes. And no, from my friends I know that not all men-providers are financial abusers, arseholes who belittle women and value them less because they are the main breadwinner. There are some wonderful happy stories out there.

Well, I do. I did. But it does not matter what I want, because what I wanted did not work out. But it does not mean I would be so bitter as to wish the same shite - i.e. financial responsibility burden on all young normal women, working like horses, giving birth and be asked to be 'equal' partners. Fuck that - or, ask HIM to give birth, having been pregnant for ages before and then we can talk equal partnership.

Unfortunately this is a very common problem.

Young boys are being taught that women need to be lower on the hierarchy than men.

It is up to DH to be on this and try and change his mind (he won’t listen to a woman).

@HollyhocksandPeons

eww no, I don’t wanna rely on any man

I would worry. This is where it starts. Yes, he might wise up, but he also might double down. If he thinks women are ‘beneath him’ and should earn less and he should be in charge, and if that attitude stick what type of man will be grow up into?

he will someday in all likelihood have a female boss, a daughter etc.

i am a single successful woman. I come across men like this occasionally. The neighbour who takes down to me and asks if my non existence ex husband bought the house! The tradesman who asks to speak to the man the house (the cat?) or who repeatedly asks if I bought the house by myself. The colleague who assumes my male secretary is the director and I am the secretary.

This young man might grow out of his silly attitude, but he might double down.