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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to keep the engagement ring after calling off the engagement?

99 replies

OnePeachBiscuit · 16/09/2026 08:16

Ive recently called off my engagement after being together for 7 years. He was abusive to my kids, verbally and physically and was drinking. I had to pay him £180,000 to get him off my mortgage. He paid half that amount in the time we were together but the house prices increased and I didn’t protect my equity in the property. He moved out 3 months ago with just a few bits of stuff in the garage to collect. I messaged him with the list of things. He replied with ‘and the engagement ring ? It’s what you do, return it when you break up.’ It’s beautiful, I love it. It was expensive. AIBU keeping it ? Should I give it back ?

OP posts:
Getdowntohappyshopper · 16/09/2026 08:47

I’d return it. I’m not sure why I’d want to keep a ring as a reminder of such a shit relationship. It’s also inconsistent to say I want nothing to do with you, but I’ll keep the massive expensive rock you bought for me. Each to their own though.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 16/09/2026 08:46

£180k for a fiancé not a husband? How the hell??
Sell the ring

HoppityBun · 16/09/2026 08:46

I would say give it to him. I understand that it cost you to get him off the mortgage, but that is what you wanted and you do now have the house and the mortgage, whereas he doesn’t. I think it’s a mistake to mix up all the different financial arrangements with whether or not you should keep this ring. Would you give it back if it hadn’t cost so much to buy him out? What’s the thinking on that? The house is now yours. Secondhand rings really aren’t worth that much..

It was a gift, but it was a gift on the basis that you’d be getting married, which you’ve chosen not to do. No criticism to you for that, but just because you like it, I don’t think that’s enough to keep it. Save and get your own..

ThePeppyOpalScroller · 16/09/2026 08:45

Why would you want an engagement ring if you're not engaged, when would you wear it?

And, if he was that bad, why would you want to keep it?

Second hand rings are virtually worthless. So unless it's akin to the hope diamond, I can't see the value.

This is all very strange.

whippersnapper55 · 16/09/2026 08:41

Tell him you've sold it! Personally I wouldn't want to wear it again, it would remind me of the tosser - maybe sell it and buy yourself something else?

honeylulu · 16/09/2026 08:39

Legally no obligation to return gifts.
Traditionally (when promise to marry had legal status) if the man broke the engagement he didn't get the ring back. If the woman broke the engagement she should offer it back, the reasoning being that the man had offered the ring in exchange for her promise to marry him.

It's up to you but after hearing he was abusive and you have already paid him 180k to get gone, I would tell him no, it's legally mine.

MandemChickenShop · 16/09/2026 08:34

give it back. why do you want anything connected to a man that abused you children?

it's just a ring. give it back and buy one that isn't a gift from a child abuser

TheXisthatway · 16/09/2026 08:31

Whatever % he paid into the house, he is entitled to that % of the current value of the home. That’s only fair.

I’d still keep the ring. Compensation for all the abuse. Plus, it was a gift and you own it.

MaeshoweDragon · 16/09/2026 08:27

Legally a gift, but (so long as it is not a family heirloom) tradition is that if you break it off, you hand it back... he breaks it off, you keep it.

Dery · 16/09/2026 08:27

I think it is normal and appropriate to return the engagement ring if you end the engagement. Assuming he paid for it and there was no cost to you in relation to the ring, I don’t really think it’s right for you to keep it and wear it when you’ve ditched the man (even though you ended it for very good reasons) but in your circumstances i can see a case for selling it to recoup some of the money he cost you.

TheCoatThatLaunched1000Emails · 16/09/2026 08:27

Not given that he's stiffed you for £180k! Keep it.

OhHobnobs · 16/09/2026 08:27

Sell it and send him the address for the pawn shop so if it he wants it back, he has to buy it again.

RazzleDazz1e · 16/09/2026 08:26

Sell it and pay for some therapy for you and your poor children.

TheSlantedOwl · 16/09/2026 08:25

Tell the bastard you threw it in the river.

BCBird · 16/09/2026 08:24

I would not want to keep it for sentimental reasons. I might sell it to recoup some of the extra money I had paid out

Error404FucksNotFound · 16/09/2026 08:24

Is it lovely enough to be worth the hassle of him wanging on about it?

SquirrelSoShiny · 16/09/2026 08:24

It's legally a gift. Keep the ring. Sell it and buy something to celebrate your freedom.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2026 08:24

Give it back. Clean hands.

Tirednotexpired · 16/09/2026 08:23

You can legally keep an engagement ring because the law presumes it is an absolute gift. An exception may be if it was a family heirloom.
I suspect he only wants you to return it because he knows how much you love it. Keep it!

HorseandHeron · 16/09/2026 08:21

"It was my property. I sold it to recoup some of the 180k you had from me."

AffableApple · 16/09/2026 08:21

He'll get tuppence ha'penny for it, if it's the money he wants.

It's worth more to you. Keep it, and ask him for a repayment schedule of what he owes.

Tell him fiancés aren't supposed to be abusesive twats either, but here we are.

BeardieWeirdie · 16/09/2026 08:20

He can buy a new one with the £180k you gave him. What a pathetic little man.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 16/09/2026 08:20

I don’t think you have to give it back, but I don’t know why you’d want to keep it?

Do you actually want to wear it and be reminded of him?

He abused your kids? I’d want rid of it.

Thecomedyclub · 16/09/2026 08:20

Team keep it, here 💍