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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to keep the engagement ring after calling off the engagement?

99 replies

OnePeachBiscuit · 16/09/2026 08:16

Ive recently called off my engagement after being together for 7 years. He was abusive to my kids, verbally and physically and was drinking. I had to pay him £180,000 to get him off my mortgage. He paid half that amount in the time we were together but the house prices increased and I didn’t protect my equity in the property. He moved out 3 months ago with just a few bits of stuff in the garage to collect. I messaged him with the list of things. He replied with ‘and the engagement ring ? It’s what you do, return it when you break up.’ It’s beautiful, I love it. It was expensive. AIBU keeping it ? Should I give it back ?

OP posts:
stargirl27 · 16/09/2026 12:08

No and you're legally entitled to keep it

ginasevern · 16/09/2026 12:08

It's legally yours to keep but personally I'd give it back. I wouldn't want anything to do with him hanging over me. And also, even though it's beautiful, I wouldn't want a reminder of him. If I did keep it, I'd sell it.

iwishitwouldstartraining · 16/09/2026 12:06

Voted unreasonable because I can't understand why you would want to be reminded of him.

I would sell it if I were you.

DiamondsRNot4Ever · 16/09/2026 12:03

There was a discrepancy over some money my Ex gifted to me before we split. I said he could have the engagement as payment.

Even though it was established that I didn't owe him (he was just being petty), I offered the ring back to him out of principle. The fucker took it! 😂
It annoyed me because it could have been passed down, but of course, he's far too selfish to think about others over himself.

You don't have to give it back, but it's one last thing he has over you. I'd give it back, and perhaps one day you can buy yourself a beautiful ring that nobody can take from you.

Dump his remaining shit outside, send a picture of it, and tell him to collect it.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 16/09/2026 11:32

Legally, it’s an ‘absolute gift’, so, I’d keep the damn thing.

PollyBell · 16/09/2026 11:27

He was abusive to your kids so you thought marrying him was a great idea and now your focus is on the ring?

Does it actually matter?

Soontobe60 · 16/09/2026 11:22

Goldengirl123 · 16/09/2026 11:09

It was a promise to marry him and you broke it off. You need to return it

Are we in the 18th century???

Clemdfandango · 16/09/2026 11:20

Keep it and sell it. That's what I did.

Tell him to sod off.

ArseSkinForAFriend · 16/09/2026 11:16

You seem to thankfully be getting rid of all your connections to him.

So give him the ring back and that’ll be the last one.

Good luck with your new life.

Goldengirl123 · 16/09/2026 11:09

It was a promise to marry him and you broke it off. You need to return it

BMW58 · 16/09/2026 10:46

An Engagement ring is an exception to the "you keep as a gift" rule.

It's given as recognition of the agreement to marry and if the marriage doesn't happen then the ring must be offered back.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/09/2026 10:15

It’s YOUR ring, you get to decide what to do with it. He has NO claim on it. FlowersFlowersFlowers

Notsosweetcaroline · 16/09/2026 10:14

Keep it, but I can’t imagine why you’d wish to.

caringcarer · 16/09/2026 10:11

I'd return it and want no reminders of him.

Thundertoast · 16/09/2026 09:44

"Im keeping it in case i need to sell it to pay for my children to have therapy in future over what you put them through, you massive prick"
Block.

Northernparent68 · 16/09/2026 09:42

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 16/09/2026 08:46

£180k for a fiancé not a husband? How the hell??
Sell the ring

because he put money into the house and they were presumably joint owners

Maray1967 · 16/09/2026 09:08

Should not have had the house money - as in ethically, if not legally.

Legally you are entitled to keep the ring as it was a gift, just as legally he’s been able to take the money from the house.

Ethically/traditionally you would return the ring, but ethically speaking, he owes you £90k. Remind him of that.

Maray1967 · 16/09/2026 09:05

BeardieWeirdie · 16/09/2026 08:20

He can buy a new one with the £180k you gave him. What a pathetic little man.

This. It sounds like he has profited significantly from your house. Remind him of the figures and tell him when he’s repaid you what he should not have had, then you’ll return the ring.

Yogabearmous · 16/09/2026 09:04

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2026 08:24

Give it back. Clean hands.

This.
just get rid of the drama and hand it back. I wouldn’t want anything from this person ever again.

Firefly100 · 16/09/2026 09:01

Offer to sell it to him for the 90k windfall he acquired.

Bikergran · 16/09/2026 09:01

Say you're putting its value towards the huge amount it cost you to get rid of him. Then block him.

XMissPlacedX · 16/09/2026 08:54

Nah, if he was ‘entitled’ to £180k then you are entitled to keep your lively ring. Tell him you threw it in rage and lost it.

StormKevin · 16/09/2026 08:51

He’s entitled to that 180k though, and if this was the other way round everyone would be saying that if. Disclaimer: I have no idea about the legalities but assuming that is the case as you have done it.

However the engagement ring is a gift and again legally you are fully entitled to it. Whether you should is a very personal decision. However I think it’s a quite separate issue to the mortgage money

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/09/2026 08:51

I think sell it and recoup some of the money.

I’d say “I had to sell it to raise the £180k”

lulujuju · 16/09/2026 08:48

I would sell it and recoup some of the money he took from you!