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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to keep the engagement ring after calling off the engagement?

99 replies

OnePeachBiscuit · 16/09/2026 08:16

Ive recently called off my engagement after being together for 7 years. He was abusive to my kids, verbally and physically and was drinking. I had to pay him £180,000 to get him off my mortgage. He paid half that amount in the time we were together but the house prices increased and I didn’t protect my equity in the property. He moved out 3 months ago with just a few bits of stuff in the garage to collect. I messaged him with the list of things. He replied with ‘and the engagement ring ? It’s what you do, return it when you break up.’ It’s beautiful, I love it. It was expensive. AIBU keeping it ? Should I give it back ?

OP posts:
Wowthatwasabigstep · 16/09/2026 15:20

Unless it was a family ring belonging to previous generations I would suggest you keep it. At some stage in the future you can either have it redesigned and reset or you can sell it and and buy something fabulous that you want that doesn’t remind you of the ghastly man. Best wishes for the future.

unsync · 16/09/2026 15:07

It was a gift. You are entitled to keep it and do whatever you want with it, but it might be worth telling him you have got rid of it if he hassles you about it.

Sartre · 16/09/2026 13:58

Say you lost it, or as others suggested sold it to recoup some of the money he ripped from you for your house. Bastard.

ModernNV · 16/09/2026 13:56

Give it back. An engagement ring is given in contemplation for marriage. No marriage took place so it should be returned.

Malasana · 16/09/2026 13:43

Give it back. One less thing for him to contact you about. Why would you want it anyway?

WildWindySeascape · 16/09/2026 13:41

I would give it back.

Was the 180k payment to buy him out of his half of the property, based on current market prices? If so, I don’t follow why that was unfair to you. I may have misunderstood however.

Runningtomakeadifference · 16/09/2026 13:40

As far as I am aware, legally it is classed as a gift to you. So yes - you can keep it

BrilliantBetty · 16/09/2026 13:36

How much is it worth? If you sold it. If it’s a couple of grand I’d just give it to him and never have any further contact ever again.
And if it was more than that I’d probably fight for it, he’s had enough out of you.

Even though he’d put money into the property he shouldn’t get to have a 100% return on his investment!! He’s stolen from you. The house had probably only gone up by 15% or something.

Thechickenhasmypillow · 16/09/2026 13:33

Actually I had some lovely jewellery from my asshole of an ex, I sold it all, the shop actually advised against selling some of it as it was worth so much more than the weight that they would give me. I just wanted shot of it and took the money. Spent it on some lovely opal earrings and an opal ring. I wear them every day.

99bottlesofkombucha · 16/09/2026 13:32

If we are all going on about morally, he took the 180k and morally is in the bin. Abusive to your kids? Stuff him, the ring is yours.

Maisymouse2 · 16/09/2026 13:29

Gladly return it and the memory of a miserable man.
Bad karma get rid.

cupfinalchaos · 16/09/2026 13:26

Second had engagement ring won’t be worth much. Personally I wouldn’t want to be reminded of him. Entirely up to you.

Thechickenhasmypillow · 16/09/2026 13:25

BeardieWeirdie · 16/09/2026 08:20

He can buy a new one with the £180k you gave him. What a pathetic little man.

This. I'd sell it though, get myself a lovely pair of FU earrings with the money

Missxxx · 16/09/2026 13:17

Thundertoast · 16/09/2026 09:44

"Im keeping it in case i need to sell it to pay for my children to have therapy in future over what you put them through, you massive prick"
Block.

Yet she allowed her kids to be abused by him?? Let me get this straight OP: You stayed with and got engaged to a man who physically and verbally abused your kids for 7 YEARS??

Pallisers · 16/09/2026 13:03

Tell him you you threw it off a bridge - give him exact location so he can look for it"

Keyleads · 16/09/2026 13:00

Not a chance I would give it back.
Have you involved the police?
You should have if he abused your children.
You can still do that.

Strokethefurrywall · 16/09/2026 12:44

In any other circumstance I’d say give it back. In your circumstance I’d say tell him to go fuck himself.

ThatLemonBee · 16/09/2026 12:35

Legally it was given to you under the pretence of a marriage not as a gift so it needs to be returned . If you get married and divorced then you are legally the owner but as per now it’s not a gift .

Mitherations · 16/09/2026 12:17

It would make me feel sick every time I looked at it. Throw it over his head behind him when he comes to get it so he's got to go scratting around on the floor for it, the pig.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 16/09/2026 12:17

Imaginingdragonsagain · 16/09/2026 12:14

Tell him you'll give it back when he returns the proceeds from the house he didn’t contribute to?

He did contribute though. And the value of his contribution increased as the property value increased. It's a lot of money but it was rightfully his.

Re: the ring OP, sell it. Use the money to do something nice for you and your children, like a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 16/09/2026 12:14

Tell him you'll give it back when he returns the proceeds from the house he didn’t contribute to?

Verv · 16/09/2026 12:13

OhHobnobs · 16/09/2026 08:27

Sell it and send him the address for the pawn shop so if it he wants it back, he has to buy it again.

This would be ideal!

Pinkflamingo10 · 16/09/2026 12:11

Tell him it was a gift and to fuck off

PinkLemons99 · 16/09/2026 12:09

Sell it and treat yourself to something new.

Highlighta · 16/09/2026 12:09

Under these circumstances I think I would just give it back.

I would not want any ties to someone who abused me or my children.

But, I do also get that you may not want to give it back, just because he wants it. In a kind of, he wins sort of way.