Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep the engagement ring after calling off the engagement?

99 replies

OnePeachBiscuit · 16/09/2026 08:16

Ive recently called off my engagement after being together for 7 years. He was abusive to my kids, verbally and physically and was drinking. I had to pay him £180,000 to get him off my mortgage. He paid half that amount in the time we were together but the house prices increased and I didn’t protect my equity in the property. He moved out 3 months ago with just a few bits of stuff in the garage to collect. I messaged him with the list of things. He replied with ‘and the engagement ring ? It’s what you do, return it when you break up.’ It’s beautiful, I love it. It was expensive. AIBU keeping it ? Should I give it back ?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
SomeOtherUser · 20/09/2026 10:12

Sounds like you legally can (Judge Judy would be aghast!) but why would you want to? I assume you don't plan on wearing it?

Tvradiorentals · 20/09/2026 09:56

My niece lives on a farm. She had a very acrimonious break up from her fiancé due to his cheating. He demanded return of the ring. She said he was welcome to it and suggested he bring diving gear when he came for it. She’d tossed the ring into the slurry pit. The ring lost its appeal when he heard it was in a 10 feet deep tank of cow shit.

The contents of the tank are spread around the fields as fertiliser in springtime. I think she fantasises about him going round the fields on his hands and knees searching for the ring and not noticing till it’s too late that their prize bull is in the field 😀

TotaleclipseinFrance · 20/09/2026 09:48

ThePeppyOpalScroller · 16/09/2026 08:45

Why would you want an engagement ring if you're not engaged, when would you wear it?

And, if he was that bad, why would you want to keep it?

Second hand rings are virtually worthless. So unless it's akin to the hope diamond, I can't see the value.

This is all very strange.

Totally agree.
I'm getting two people who enjoy being at war here vibes here.

It's obvious that you wouldn't want a reminder of such a man and it's probably not worth much second-hand, either.

ImaSpringChicken · 20/09/2026 09:47

A) not returning it sends a mixed message
B) you keep the moral high ground
C) it wont be worth much

Like others, i am very confused about the house thing and why you think the equity was all yours and not 50% his??

TotaleclipseinFrance · 20/09/2026 09:41

What the fuck do you want to keep it for?
It's unlikely to be worth much second-hand anyway.

Are you still in live with the piece of shit?

Why incense a man who is violent? Just to make a tit-for-tat point?

If so you are being ridiculous. Give it back to him.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 20/09/2026 09:35

Legally the ring is yours as Engagement rings are deemed an absolute gift.
So you absolutely do not need to give it back. Whether you want to wear it is up to you but if you chose it and still like it- then your personal choice prevails.

Bananavibez · 20/09/2026 09:09

Why did you get engaged to an abuser?

Give the ring back

roastednuts123 · 20/09/2026 09:07

cupfinalchaos · 16/09/2026 13:26

Second had engagement ring won’t be worth much. Personally I wouldn’t want to be reminded of him. Entirely up to you.

This! Honestly mine is valued every year for insurance purposes and it’s a lot, but when I’ve tried to sell it (we’ve separated and agreed to sell it to pay off some debt) it’s not even worth 5% of the valuations. Quality diamond etc. Think about it - would you buy a second hand engagement ring (not vintage)? Probably not and even if you did you’d expect a significant discount. Not sure I’d want to keep it personally.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 20/09/2026 09:05

Since he was entitled to that amount of money from the house, you are entitled to keep any gifts he gave to you, including the engagement ring.

Even if it's only worth a trip to an amusement park or a nice dinner, you deserve it. He does not.

chattyness · 20/09/2026 09:04

It was a gift so I'm almost certain it's legally yours. Keep it then flog it and buy yourself a lovely new ring to represent your freedom

Summer26 · 20/09/2026 09:04

Sell it

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 20/09/2026 08:58

Minasama · 16/09/2026 18:17

No, you should return the ring.

It will always remind you of him anyway.

Go and buy your own nice ring on your own terms to celebrate being free.

And she can sell the engagement ring to help pay for her "Freedom From Azzholes Ring".

SoSoLong · 16/09/2026 20:10

You're fine to keep it, but do you really want the memories associated with it? Throw it back at him, he'll get £50 for it and regret spending all that money initially. Serves him right.

somanychristmaslights · 16/09/2026 20:06

I wouldn’t want to keep anything a man gave me who abused my kids. It’s weird.

NegativeFreak · 16/09/2026 18:46

If things were REALLY bad between me and the ex I'd pick my moment and chuck it at him or into a bush really theatrically

Vivi0 · 16/09/2026 18:30

SpottyAlpaca · 16/09/2026 18:19

I would sell the ring & donate the proceeds to charity. But that’s just me & my values. Other people may have different, more shallow & grabby values.

Hahaha!

You have a rather high opinion of yourself 😂

No one shallow and grabby for wanting to keep their own piece of jewellery.

SpottyAlpaca · 16/09/2026 18:19

I would sell the ring & donate the proceeds to charity. But that’s just me & my values. Other people may have different, more shallow & grabby values.

Minasama · 16/09/2026 18:17

No, you should return the ring.

It will always remind you of him anyway.

Go and buy your own nice ring on your own terms to celebrate being free.

SpaceAngel1999 · 16/09/2026 18:17

Keep it, it’s yours

didgeridid · 16/09/2026 18:15

I think you give someone something for them to keep regardless of what happens later.
However, I don't think I'd be interested in keeping something like that from someone who was abusive

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/09/2026 18:12

It’s a personal choice. I kept mine. Sometimes wear it on my right hand. No fucks given.

Vivi0 · 16/09/2026 18:09

I’d have responded with laughing emojis and then blocked him.

If you love the ring, keep it. It’s your ring!

Men who ask for engagement rings back (exception being if the ring is some kind of family heirloom situation) give such small dick energy.

Wingingit73 · 16/09/2026 17:59

Keep it. You may need to sell it. Id say give it back if it was a family heirloom or you had only been together a while . after 7 years that is your ring

OhHobnobs · 16/09/2026 17:10

ThatLemonBee · 16/09/2026 12:35

Legally it was given to you under the pretence of a marriage not as a gift so it needs to be returned . If you get married and divorced then you are legally the owner but as per now it’s not a gift .

The Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 states:

“The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.”

Horses7 · 16/09/2026 16:12

Definitely do not give it back!

Swipe left for the next trending thread