Am I being stupid and potentially leaving myself in a vulnerable position?

...a job in the council or NHS with a pension ideally. OP, You are running out of time to take a mortgage into retirement, which is possible, if u have enough occupational pension to see you through to aged 70/75

You can make a cohabitation agreement and wills, and if he doesn't agree to this, its a deal breaker ,I'd say. I know its hard, but you're not happy and he's not making you feel secure, is he? Its immature of him, and its doing your future self a disservice to carry on as you both are.
Has he got family you can talk to about it? Invest your hard cash in something long term, a 5 year investment. Get some free advice. Do SOMETHING , and you won't feel so rubbish.
Its none of his business what you do with your other money if you're paying your way in this arrangement.
Has he got kids and an unfinished business with an ex ,who will inherit ?

I used to roll my eyes at my grandfather when he said I shouldn't have moved in with my boyfriend. (What do old people really know anyway, haha?) He'd ask me: "Why would a man buy a cow when he's getting the milk for free?" But you know what, I've apologized to my grandfather (even though he's long gone and I'm a grandmother myself now) because he was right. If a woman wants marriage, she shouldn't ever move in with her man until the knot is tied. I'd never do it again. (and yes, I know there are exceptions, but still)

You need to buy a property for yourself. In your current situation you are vulnerable a) if he dies, because you aren't married. b) he's calling the shots basically, he can't be arsed to fix the ensuite. That upsets you AND makes you too anxious to insist. You talk about marriage, he isn't bothered. He's basically ignoring your concerns, thoughts and feelings. I would be more bothered by b) to be honest.

You're going to be even more cross when you're really old and totally fucked. And you will be if you don't get out. Why in the world would he commit to you? He's already tested you for 5 years and seen that you don't value yourself. Why should he?

You can 'hope' all you want, but I can tell you right now he's never going to commit. The years are going to fly by even faster for you (I'm 67 now and it feels like an hour ago that I was 50) and you need to shake him off and get yourself set up in a secure situation.

Not at all. Sometimes we all need an outside perspective but I suspect we are all just confirming what you already know deep down x

'he was really upset'--I'll bet he was. He's currently getting all the benefits of a live in gf plus help with finances. Let him be upset all he wants. Not your problem. Your problem is that you have no security in case things go south.

Darling, if he was going to propose, he would have done it by now. Please don't tie your self worth to his actions.

Yes, you are being unreasonable to stay in this situation. You are extremely vulnerable. Can you buy yourself another smaller place? If you can't afford to do that, I would try to find a rental that you can afford. A man is never a plan.

Love is deeds as well as words.

Forgive my directness but how very 'dog in a manger' of him! He gets 50% discount on everything AND his own property if it breaks down AND I'll bet you cook, clean and wash for him too!

PLEASE get yourself sorted financially and do not rely on a man who is basically giving you the 'how long is a piece of string' response when you try to pin him down on committment (which you deserve BTW).

He sounds deeply complacent but you can't afford to be at this stage of your life.

Tell him straight that you aren't dumping him, you are dumping his disgusting bathroom. Personally? I would end the relationship : I'm worth more than that.

Which is why my initial post asked that very question - this was in response to someone suggesting by asking that I was saying she shouldn’t pay bills

Well, as the only one responsible for you is you, as you are unmarried, I'd try and get a full time stable job as soon as possible

There is nothing that the op has said to suggest this is the case though (it could be we don’t know)

You have the wake up call you need, OP but I would not do anything hasty. You are currently living rent-free (albeit in a terrible house in a grim area). You are living off savings and depleting your assets but your assets will deplete faster if you move out and have to rent.
Here’s what I would do. Firstly get a fulltime job. Any job. Make that your number one priority. Stop living off your savings. Amass as much savings as you can as soon as you start working. Get good financial advice and ensure your savings are working as hard as possible while still within the risk parameters you are comfortable with. Look at your budget and if you can’t afford something, tell him you don’t want to pay for it and would prefer to do without. Protect your future deposit at all costs. Don’t ask him to buy anything, pay for anything or repair anything. Just keep building your savings and looking for promotions/ better jobs. Don’t be deflected by any arguments and if he gets aggressive or unpleasant or tries to make you pay rent, then don’t tell him what you are doing. But just keep doing it. Once you have amassed enough for a property, you can either buy or continue to save until you feel ready to move out. It may be that knowing you have enough to support yourself in future will take the pressure off and you may decide the rent free living arrangements work for both of you. But don’t compromise your future.

I don't see how anyone can think any different to you!!!

Rent / mortgage free for FIVE YEARS!
Half bills - more than fair

She already floated the idea of her buying her own place and he got mad.

No he hasn't, she said she would move out into her own flat and he got really upset, like they were breaking up. I'm sure he wouldn't be upset with her buying a flat to rent out as an asset for her to own, but that isn't what she has said, it's either marriage, civil partnership, change his will to leave some of his assets to her or she moves out into her own flat.. how is that not a threat?.. oh yes, she is a woman so it doesn't count.

There's no need to re-write what OP herself has said.

And with regards the mould, OP has been there 4 fucking years.. they have BOTH let that bathroom get into a disgusting state, coming on here to say she wants a new bathroom after leaving the last one to rot would not go down well with me either to be fair.

I think OP should leave personally, she isn't going to get what she wants out of this relationship because he seems to have his head screwed on.

No, but doing all the cooking and cleaning is - and may be why he doesn't want her moving out - she's his free housekeeper

Wild horses wouldn’t keep me in this pretty awful relationship.
His actions speak louder than words plus if he dumped you tomorrow you’d have no claim or protection.
Leave on your own terms while you’ve still got some savings left.

You've been living in his house rent and mortgage free for 5 years. I don't think he owes you any security. Those rent free 5 years should have been an opportunity for you to build up some savings or assets of your own.
If you came here saying my boyfriend has been living in my house for 5 years, he hasn't had to pay rent as my mortgage is paid, just his 50/50 split of the bills but now he's worried he has no stake in the home I bought and paid off before I met him so he wants to marry the comments would be absolutely slating him. Cocklodger they'd be saying. Don't marry him, protect yourself they'd say.
The only time someone should have a stake in a house they didn't pay for is if they lost income to care for joint children.

You make it sound like paying half the bills is unreasonable.

Well I think it depends how this goes. If the op has done nothing to help keep it clean and now expects him to fork out for a new bathroom and won’t stop going on about it then I can see why he yelled. If she just reasonably mentions that the bathroom might need replacing and he instantly starts yelling then that’s not nice

Kind, caring, lovely to me.

But he yells at you when you suggest doing up the bathroom? Ok...