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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Friend inviting adult children to meet-ups.

232 replies

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 21:28

NC

Not sure if AIBU so posting here for opinions.

We are a group of 8 friends. We have been friends for 30+ years. We meet every 3 months or so.

We all have children who are now aged between 16-25.

One of the group has now started inviting/bringing her three adult children.

We have a WhatsApp group with the 8 of us in it.

One of us will message the group to arrange the next meet up and this one friend will reply that they can come and so can her children.

I don’t want to meet up with her children, so I have declined the last meet up and just said I’m busy but to carry on without me.

I just think it completely changes the dynamic of the group and I don’t really want to share personal stuff that may be going on in my life that I would otherwise share with the group for their opinions etc

Two of the group also feel the same as me, but I don’t know about the others.

We haven’t been asked if it’s ok, we have just been told they are coming.

They also aren’t particularly nice to be around.

The time before last, I did go, but it was basically a monologue of them, their achievements and how amazing they are. No one else really got a word in.

AIBU?

Is this what normally happens in groups, when the children become adults? We never really all met up with the children as children.

I have a fairly dysfunctional family so don’t know if this is standard.

Opinions appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 15/09/2026 22:21

I think its time to develop a breakaway group from this horrid woman and her tedious offspring.

JaneFoe · 15/09/2026 22:19

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:04

I appreciate all the comments.

To most, yes, just say something, be a grown up etc etc but in this group dynamic it isn’t that easy.

I most certainly am not the best person to deliver the message either.

We aren’t all on an equal footing within the group and the woman who is doing it, isn’t actually very nice.

@Greyblueeyes You’ve got it. It would turn into a big drama and no one wants that.

Stop inviting her.

Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:16

Kittenwatch · 15/09/2026 22:12

Ok. So why do you care if you upset her if she’s not nice?

Show quote history

Because I like and enjoy the company of the other 6.

OP posts:
Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:15

Someone else did bring their adult daughter once, we had a spare ticket, so she was invited. The difference was, she was so nice and it was really enjoyable getting to know her and be in her company.

The other friend is very competitive and can be quite jealous so perhaps that’s why she’s started this? It’s frustrating that we can’t just be honest without causing massive conflict in the group.

OP posts:
ZeroSocialBatteryLeft · 15/09/2026 22:15

I think you don’t answer back when they’ve already said their kids are able to come but you pre-empt it. You message and say “let’s organise a girls/couples (whatever the group is) night for the 8 of us” and you prearrange the people who you have spoken to to jump straight in with “yes, I’d love a night for the 8 of us” and hopefully others will follow suit. Then if she comes back with her kids coming you can breezily say “would love to see them some other time when families are around but let’s do one just us”.

Kittenwatch · 15/09/2026 22:12

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:04

I appreciate all the comments.

To most, yes, just say something, be a grown up etc etc but in this group dynamic it isn’t that easy.

I most certainly am not the best person to deliver the message either.

We aren’t all on an equal footing within the group and the woman who is doing it, isn’t actually very nice.

@Greyblueeyes You’ve got it. It would turn into a big drama and no one wants that.

Ok. So why do you care if you upset her if she’s not nice?

Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:10

seahorsessky · 15/09/2026 21:46

Seems strange to me, I'd not have wanted to spend my spare time with my parents' friends. No offence, and if it was a party or something fine, but between work/study/partner/friends, you usually don't get much spare time as a young adult. I's at least not have been rude, though. Unless they have needs and can't be left, I'd not feel bad saying you'd prefer to meet without them.
My friend had the opposite, in her group of 30 something friends, one couple started bringing their mother/MIL. Not being ageist, but she really changed the vibe.

Edited

😁😂 It could be worse then. Blimey.

OP posts:
Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:09

WhatNoRaisins · 15/09/2026 22:07

I also can't help but notice that with any tag along people they are almost always obnoxious as fuck. It's rarely a nice normal partner or family member who at least has some social skills.

@WhatNoRaisins Yes! They are not nice to be around and the four of them basically hold court.

OP posts:
MsFogi · 15/09/2026 22:07

I fear that this is going to become a new 'normal' - I have started to see if with some of my friends who have (what they consider) 'amazing' children, they seem to see the world as being there for them and their children and meet ups become social training/networking/showcase for subsequently asking for work experience for their 18+ children who they consider the world should revolve around. There is no changing these people - I just come up with an excuse and then decline all future invites.

WhatNoRaisins · 15/09/2026 22:07

I also can't help but notice that with any tag along people they are almost always obnoxious as fuck. It's rarely a nice normal partner or family member who at least has some social skills.

OttersOnAPlane · 15/09/2026 22:05

JuliettaCaeser · 15/09/2026 22:00

It is a truth universally acknowledged that pretty much everyone hates it if you bring any family members to friends meet up. Even if they grit their teeth and say it’s fine they are lying.

Especially a boyfriend or husband. But children are a close second.

Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:04

I appreciate all the comments.

To most, yes, just say something, be a grown up etc etc but in this group dynamic it isn’t that easy.

I most certainly am not the best person to deliver the message either.

We aren’t all on an equal footing within the group and the woman who is doing it, isn’t actually very nice.

@Greyblueeyes You’ve got it. It would turn into a big drama and no one wants that.

OP posts:
Yellowsubmarineunderthesea · 15/09/2026 22:02

No that's not normal. It's a group of similiar age and experience adults. Time to call it out or it'll continue and get worse

WhatNoRaisins · 15/09/2026 22:02

I can see why a very occasional get together that includes kids could be ok but it's not normal to assume that they're invited by default.

JuliettaCaeser · 15/09/2026 22:00

It is a truth universally acknowledged that pretty much everyone hates it if you bring any family members to friends meet up. Even if they grit their teeth and say it’s fine they are lying.

Greyblueeyes · 15/09/2026 21:59

@ColdAsAWitches a person who would bring along her rude kids is probably not a person you can have a mature conversation with. These kids are either coming along because they have no friends of their own or mom is too attached. Either way, it’s incredibly rude and any criticism probably won’t be taken well

CalamityJane81 · 15/09/2026 21:57

ColdAsAWitches · 15/09/2026 21:53

Why on earth did you drop a friend instead of saying " Why don't just the two of us meet on Saturday"?

Show quote history

She had some other personality traits that I didn’t like.

ColdAsAWitches · 15/09/2026 21:53

CalamityJane81 · 15/09/2026 21:44

This happened to me with a colleague that became a friend. They just started being with her when we met up. It wasn’t for me and I basically slowly stopped seeing her.

Why on earth did you drop a friend instead of saying " Why don't just the two of us meet on Saturday"?

phoenix098 · 15/09/2026 21:50

Maybe instead of ditching your friends of over 3 decades you could put on your adult pants and tell them how you feel? Why does everything need to be such a major confrontation on MN. It is perfectly normal to sit down a close friend and say you don't feel comfortable talking about your personal life in front of her adult children, for gods sake

BCBird · 15/09/2026 21:47

PennyPugwash · 15/09/2026 21:40

Stuff like this drives me insane.
My children and my friends children are much younger but a couple of years ago we were in a position whereby we had arranged to go out with another couple. Their babysitter cancelled so they messaged to say they’d just bring their child. I said no, we will just rearrange. They kept pushing and pushing and in the end I simply said, “I’m not organising and paying for a babysitter to come out with your child. I don’t even want to be with MY children tonight”
They thought I was mental!

Good for u

BCBird · 15/09/2026 21:47

Something needs to be said. I adked my sister if she wanted to come to a holiday home i had booked for me and friends. She accepted and said she would ask my niece- her daughter. I told her no. I agree the dynamics change.

seahorsessky · 15/09/2026 21:46

Seems strange to me, I'd not have wanted to spend my spare time with my parents' friends. No offence, and if it was a party or something fine, but between work/study/partner/friends, you usually don't get much spare time as a young adult. I's at least not have been rude, though. Unless they have needs and can't be left, I'd not feel bad saying you'd prefer to meet without them.
My friend had the opposite, in her group of 30 something friends, one couple started bringing their mother/MIL. Not being ageist, but she really changed the vibe.

CalamityJane81 · 15/09/2026 21:44

This happened to me with a colleague that became a friend. They just started being with her when we met up. It wasn’t for me and I basically slowly stopped seeing her.

JuliettaCaeser · 15/09/2026 21:42

Urgh I HATE this! If I wanted to talk about A level results or student houses I will talk to my own kids thanks.

We meet regularly and occasionally someone brings a young adult kid. Also it’s never the fun ones that will tag along with mum anyway. The normal kids wouldn’t be seen dead doing that.

NoisyMonster678 · 15/09/2026 21:41

Seperate child free group may.be created.

Your points are more than valid and my battery is about to go which is the reaon for my brief reply!

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