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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Friend inviting adult children to meet-ups.

232 replies

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 21:28

NC

Not sure if AIBU so posting here for opinions.

We are a group of 8 friends. We have been friends for 30+ years. We meet every 3 months or so.

We all have children who are now aged between 16-25.

One of the group has now started inviting/bringing her three adult children.

We have a WhatsApp group with the 8 of us in it.

One of us will message the group to arrange the next meet up and this one friend will reply that they can come and so can her children.

I don’t want to meet up with her children, so I have declined the last meet up and just said I’m busy but to carry on without me.

I just think it completely changes the dynamic of the group and I don’t really want to share personal stuff that may be going on in my life that I would otherwise share with the group for their opinions etc

Two of the group also feel the same as me, but I don’t know about the others.

We haven’t been asked if it’s ok, we have just been told they are coming.

They also aren’t particularly nice to be around.

The time before last, I did go, but it was basically a monologue of them, their achievements and how amazing they are. No one else really got a word in.

AIBU?

Is this what normally happens in groups, when the children become adults? We never really all met up with the children as children.

I have a fairly dysfunctional family so don’t know if this is standard.

Opinions appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:
Anonyanonay · 15/09/2026 22:54

CoraPirbright · 15/09/2026 22:21

I think its time to develop a breakaway group from this horrid woman and her tedious offspring.

Yeah, this is what I'd suggest. And do a slow fade from her on a personal level. Avoids all the drama.

Clearinguptheclutter · 15/09/2026 22:53

Absolutely not normal
you need to say something to the friend

I have a group of friends for 30+ years that I see occasionally and while spouses are generally welcome I’d be seriously weirded out if any started brining their kids

ItsAQuandry · 15/09/2026 22:51

I could almost have written this! Group of 8, known each other 28 years, children all late 20s. One couple bring their adult DC (and now also the partners of said adult DC) to every social event! Unlike OP however, I do like the DC, but I just can't fathom it. The rest of us, our DC are off living their lives and quite naturally prefer spending time with friends their own age. I wouldn't have been seen dead socialising with my parents at that age.

Whenever get togethers are suggested, the response is always "Sounds good, I'll speak to X and Y to check they can make it". Then a follow-up "X and partner can make it but Y will be coming on their own". I even suggested going to a ticketed event and said explicitly I would book 8 tickets. All good, and I thought hallelujah, but on the day my friend messaged to say "Looking forward to this evening. X and Y have got tickets too so will be joining us". How can they be so unaware?!

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2026 22:48

I love hanging out with my adult dd but if I said I’m going out with friends x,y and z, do you want to come, she would find that so weird. I did have one friend who did this but her dd had social anxiety and she was a single mum so we told her to bring her and we all did a bit of loving aunt advice. We didn’t mind as it was agreed. If it was every time, that would have been an issue.

Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:48

HazelHedgehog · 15/09/2026 22:47

My teenager son will often drop me off or pick me up after meals out, cinema etc and would maybe have a drink or quick chat (we share a car), is this normal ? I am wondering now if its annoying to my friends ?

I would say different and absolutely fine.

OP posts:
HazelHedgehog · 15/09/2026 22:47

My teenager son will often drop me off or pick me up after meals out, cinema etc and would maybe have a drink or quick chat (we share a car), is this normal ? I am wondering now if its annoying to my friends ?

Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:47

Notonthestairs · 15/09/2026 22:41

You like the company of the other 6 friends - but they’d ostracise you if you suggested adult only meet ups?

If that’s correct, your group dynamic is contingent upon you all playing along with the 8th member regardless of your own opinions/comfort, something is really awry.

Yes to a degree.

She is quite aggressive and can make it uncomfortable.

If I said or did something that she took offence too, she would say nothing, but the next time we met, if everyone was stood at the bar, for example, and I was last to arrive, she would turn her back on me so I couldn’t get in to the group, then pretend, she hadn’t seen me arrive. If that makes sense. Then by the end of the night, she would be your best friend again.

OP posts:
Lucyccfc68 · 15/09/2026 22:46

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:43

Four of us have formed a smaller group which helps as we can talk easily with each other.

None of us would actually arrange to go out as a 7 and purposely not invite her.

She is quite aggressive and seems to be in control of the other 3 more so than the smaller group we’ve created.

Show quote history

Time to sack off the other 3 and the awful one with the kids and just arrange nights out with the group of 4.

Life is too short to be worrying about the reaction from people you don’t like. Stop letting her be Queen Bee and just remove yourself from all the potential drama.

Jk987 · 15/09/2026 22:44

Why would the teens / early twenties children want to tag along in the first place?

turnthefanonpls · 15/09/2026 22:43

If these are your friends, I don’t understand why you can’t say anything like ‘can we make it child free?’

Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:43

KarminaBurana · 15/09/2026 22:34

So form a new group with them, and ditch her.

Show quote history

Four of us have formed a smaller group which helps as we can talk easily with each other.

None of us would actually arrange to go out as a 7 and purposely not invite her.

She is quite aggressive and seems to be in control of the other 3 more so than the smaller group we’ve created.

OP posts:
Yupstillhere · 15/09/2026 22:42

She's an idiot, what a shame. Good luck.

Notonthestairs · 15/09/2026 22:41

You like the company of the other 6 friends - but they’d ostracise you if you suggested adult only meet ups?

If that’s correct, your group dynamic is contingent upon you all playing along with the 8th member regardless of your own opinions/comfort, something is really awry.

ZeroSocialBatteryLeft · 15/09/2026 22:39

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:31

Yes

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I know it’s not the point of the thread but does this not make you realise that hanging out with people who would ostracise you and who overpower you is not ok? Are there other people that you could do a breakaway group with?

crikeymikey123 · 15/09/2026 22:35

Watching this with interest, as a friend of mine is doing the same.
For the last four years I’ve had to sit in rooms with her son contributing absolutely nothing and looking bored out of his skull. It's just weird. He's nearly 19 now and she still invites him

KarminaBurana · 15/09/2026 22:34

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:16

Because I like and enjoy the company of the other 6.

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So form a new group with them, and ditch her.

AbzMoz · 15/09/2026 22:33

Absolutely bonkers. I’d have to say something to her, mostly likely ‘why don’t your children have their own friends’…

Creative (or mean, who can say)

  • Develop an urgent need to discuss menopause/incontinence/your newly developed raging libido/recreational drug use
  • Chose an activity which can only accomodate 8. I was going to suggest netball but I’ve perhaps forgotten the rules. Maybe rowing?
  • Each time the child says anything loop it back to the mother - ‘oh good banter, just like mummy’ ‘so insightful - just like mummy’… etc etc…
Kittenwatch · 15/09/2026 22:33

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:31

Yes

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Ok you’ve got bigger issues then. Sorry. FWIW I had a friendship group with a toxic few people and I left. I see a few separately but I’m not interested in that bollocks at my age.

I appreciate it’s easy for me to say but a life without this shit is infinitely more peaceful.

Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:31

Kittenwatch · 15/09/2026 22:30

Would they ostracise you for saying ‘would you mind if it was just us and no kids Sarah? I was hoping for a proper chat and the dynamic feels different when children are there.’

Edited
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Yes

OP posts:
Kittenwatch · 15/09/2026 22:30

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:16

Because I like and enjoy the company of the other 6.

Show quote history

Would they ostracise you for saying ‘would you mind if it was just us and no kids Sarah? I was hoping for a proper chat and the dynamic feels different when children are there.’

Original poster
beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 22:29

JuliettaCaeser · 15/09/2026 22:26

I wish someone who does this could give their reasoning as to why on this thread.

That would be really helpful actually! Good idea.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 15/09/2026 22:26

Not my experience

JuliettaCaeser · 15/09/2026 22:26

I wish someone who does this could give their reasoning as to why on this thread.

Silverbirchleaf · 15/09/2026 22:25

WhatNoRaisins · 15/09/2026 22:02

I can see why a very occasional get together that includes kids could be ok but it's not normal to assume that they're invited by default.

I was thinking the same.

CatesandAle · 15/09/2026 22:23

This is so strange to me, I cannot imagine wanting to spend time hanging out with my parents’ friends as a teenager or young adult. Or now, honestly!

I had a friend who continually brought her partner along to our (otherwise one-on-one) meet ups without checking or asking. I don’t understand why people think it’s ok.

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