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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Friend inviting adult children to meet-ups.

232 replies

beanseggsbacon · 15/09/2026 21:28

NC

Not sure if AIBU so posting here for opinions.

We are a group of 8 friends. We have been friends for 30+ years. We meet every 3 months or so.

We all have children who are now aged between 16-25.

One of the group has now started inviting/bringing her three adult children.

We have a WhatsApp group with the 8 of us in it.

One of us will message the group to arrange the next meet up and this one friend will reply that they can come and so can her children.

I don’t want to meet up with her children, so I have declined the last meet up and just said I’m busy but to carry on without me.

I just think it completely changes the dynamic of the group and I don’t really want to share personal stuff that may be going on in my life that I would otherwise share with the group for their opinions etc

Two of the group also feel the same as me, but I don’t know about the others.

We haven’t been asked if it’s ok, we have just been told they are coming.

They also aren’t particularly nice to be around.

The time before last, I did go, but it was basically a monologue of them, their achievements and how amazing they are. No one else really got a word in.

AIBU?

Is this what normally happens in groups, when the children become adults? We never really all met up with the children as children.

I have a fairly dysfunctional family so don’t know if this is standard.

Opinions appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:
PennyPugwash · 15/09/2026 21:40

Stuff like this drives me insane.
My children and my friends children are much younger but a couple of years ago we were in a position whereby we had arranged to go out with another couple. Their babysitter cancelled so they messaged to say they’d just bring their child. I said no, we will just rearrange. They kept pushing and pushing and in the end I simply said, “I’m not organising and paying for a babysitter to come out with your child. I don’t even want to be with MY children tonight”
They thought I was mental!

FancyKitten · 15/09/2026 21:37

If someone could say, in the WhatsApp “lovely to see Sheba last time! My Balonz was going to come along but obviously doesn’t want be stuck with us mums!” Would she get the hint?

ColdAsAWitches · 15/09/2026 21:37

No, it's normal, so ffs, say something! There are so many threads here that could be sorted by people actually having a conversation!

Mixymaxymoxy · 15/09/2026 21:35

No not normal ime. Why do people assume that their children are as fascinating to other people as they are to them ?🤷‍♀️

but it’s going to be hard to stop it from happening without causing a schism in your friend group. Can you find out whether everyone else feels the same? Does anyone like / know the friend who’s bringing her children well enough to have a word?

Casualuser · 15/09/2026 21:34

You need to say something.

Mexicansky · 15/09/2026 21:33

The next time a meeting is suggested and it’s mentioned that the children can come then just say something like
oh if I remember right X Y and Z came along last time. Could we make it just the 8 of us this time? It’s lovely to see X Y and Z but it does change the dynamic of the night out and I’d love to just catch up with you all.
then hope the others jump in and agree (or get their support first!)

BlueMum16 · 15/09/2026 21:31

No, not usual in my experience.

I would reply along the lines of 'susan, do you want to suggest a date when you are free without the DC"
It needs calling out

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