AIBU - Friend inviting adult children to meet-ups.

There’s something weirdly tribal about her bringing multiple adult kids. That’s next level.

When it’s happened in my group it’s because a teen is adrift or struggling socially and mum is trying to help them. Genuinely don’t mind if it’s a band or the theatre or dance night but an intimate coffee / brunch is changed by their presence. As I said before thinking it about the cheerful sociable fun NT teens would never ever come along.

This is so bizarre. Doubt the children want to spend a night out with their parents friends either!

Obviously your friend wants to show off her children and feels insecure if they are not around. I have a talk to her and maybe suggest that you have a meeting where children are not allowed. They are old enough to pay their own way.

Not normal. My group of 6, we have 11 adult kids. Never has one of them turned up!
I'd just put in the group. " looking forward to a catch up with just us girls, no kids please"

Yes...why do the adullt "kids" even want to be there?Weird. Do they get a free meal from mama?

“Also it’s never the fun ones that will tag along with mum anyway”
This made me chuckle, @JuliettaCaeser so true! 🤣

It’s weird and self absorbed - also screams ‘I have no personality outside of being a parent’

Yes dependant was the work I eas looking for! I know families like this, they only ever do things together and live a very insular life.

My tolerance for reading about doormat behaviour on MN has reduced a lot over time. I feel so frustrated reading this.

I can see it a little bit - I maintained independent friendship with my mum's friends, and there are several of my daughter's friends I meet for coffee and cake when they're in the neighborhood.

I'm glad you are feeling empowered to meet the people you want to meet with separately.
Selfishly, I am waiting to hear about the fallout once the others notice.

Why on earth are you bothering with someone who sounds such a pain in the neck? Stand up for yourself, say you’d rather not meet with children there or just meet up with the smaller group. People only behave like this if you allow them too. Once mine and friends kids reached a certain age it was just presumed they would no longer join us and none of the kids would have wanted to anyway. Life’s too short to put up with this nonsense.

I have ADHD and it’s a well-known trait to overshare and fill in loads of unnecessary detail when recounting things to other people as you want to be absolutely clear, not miss things out, struggle to identify what’s necessary information and what isn’t and to connect to people on a deeper level, which many NT’s find uncomfortable and often boring. The fact she does this with everything and not just her children sounds like it’s not topic-related but an inherent part of how she communicates generally.

No it is not. This comment is not helpful and is insulting to those of us with adhd.

Life is too short for someone like this in your life. These outings sound awful and she and her family obviously just dominate the space completely. I would probably start avoiding and maybe link up with one or two of the others separately for coffee, walk etc to maintain your friendship with them.

I also cannot fathom why adult children would want to hang out with their parents friends. Does it work the other way, doe she rock up when her kids are out socialising 😂. My eldest is autistic and struggles socially, so hasn't a huge amount of friends and I do often go out for a drink, food, cinema with her just to give her someone to go out with but that would never include her coming out with me and my friends.

I’ve heard of people doing this and they said it was because their adult children don’t have any friends and need to socialise. I think this must be why, because 18 year old me wouldn’t be seen dead with my parents and their old fogey friends at any event! 😜

ADHD

Omg bin her!! This just gets worse and worse!! How can you sit and listen to this crap. So arrogant of her to put you through it.

Utterly agree. My job involves making polite conversation with strangers usually older people so think this annoys me even more. I think im going to have a boozy intimate heart to heart with a friend but then it’s like I’m at work making polite conversation with her mum. Any lurkers reading this please stop it!

Me too!

With my friend who does this, she's so besotted with her adult children that I think she just cannot imagine that they don't fascinate everyone else too.

Call me any horrible name you want, but other people's kids most certainly do NOT interest me, and I don't expect anyone else to be interested in mine.

(I mean - yes, if they were colleagues or I met them independently in some way, fine, but not as an add-on to what's meant to be a friends' meet-up).

I have this with one friend, OP. It really irritates me!

She invites her adult children to join us in the pub, or at her home, often with their current partners whom we don't know. Similarly, friends' parents. Absolutely nothing against these people - but it turns what should be a relaxing event into an hour of small-talk with (effectively) strangers, often focused on them.

I want to see my friend, not her extended family!

I would never do this to friends - it's bizarre.

I would be interested to hear from “the other side” from someone that routinely brings their family members to friends events. What the rationale is.

It does sound unusual for adult kids to want to tag along with parents unless they're particularly close or don't have lives of their own.