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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lying about a WhatsApp message

104 replies

MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 20:12

If you sent a WhatsApp message which started off ‘Read this carefully, and to the end but then deleted it 8 hours later.
If the recipient then replied ‘I can’t read it if you’ve deleted it’ AIBU to presume they did actually read it and are lying?

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 15/09/2026 23:22

MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 20:30

I’m not asking for your preferred method of communication.
I’m asking if you think their reply might be indicative of the fact they did actually read it before it waxed deleted.
(It would have been a convenient ‘out’ for them)

If you're looking for us to say "clearly they must have read it before it was deleted, otherwise how would they seem to have known how it began?", well then you're going to be disappointed, as there are several scenarios for that not to be the case.
(had a notification that included the first bit of the msg; started reading, but decided to finish reading it later; were in the process of reading it, but it was deleted while they were doing so etc.

TaptheCap · 15/09/2026 23:22

Raghnaid · 15/09/2026 20:41

when you send a message, it will appear on their whatsapp, which they can read at their leisure.

If however, you delete the message, before they even open it, instead of your original message it will only show that you'd sent a message, but that you'd deleted it.

So instead of your original (which you subsequently deleted) all that will show on their screen, is who the message was from but instead of your original text it will only show "message deleted"

Show quote history

Yes, but if you read the lock screen before they delete it, you'll see the first bit of the message.

I assume that the recipient saw the start of the message on the lock screen, so knows it said "read this carefully" but when they went to fully read the message properly it had been deleted.

I doubt they read the full message OP.

If I'd seen it on my lock screen I'd have wanted to make sure I had capacity to read it properly.

Original poster
MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 23:11

@UnintentionalArcher

Yes, you’re probably right.
I feel so embarrassed I’m probably over thinking it to the nth degree.

OP posts:
UnintentionalArcher · 15/09/2026 23:06

MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 22:02

They may well have seen a preview?
I don’t have that on my WhatsApp.
I sent a nice message to someone, but they do have a habit of skim reading messages, so I wanted them to make sure they read it to the end, because that had the nicest bit. Hence starting my message please read carefully, and to the end.
However, some hours later I was a bit self conscious/embarrassed, so deleted it in the hope that they hadn’t read it.
When they replied and started their message ‘can’t read it if you delete it’
I thought oh fuck they have read it, and are trying to spare my blushes as well as theirs.
Normally if someone deletes a message that’s not what you would say?
So that’s it.
I’m neither hard work or a drama queen or whatever else I’ve been accused of being.
I’m a person who sent someone a nice message and got embarrassed.
Thanks to those who explained shit to me and thank God I’m not someone vulnerable, because some of the responses were quite unnecessary.

I understand much better now but I don’t think a ‘can’t read it if you’ve deleted it’ comment would mean they had read the whole thing. Even if it had blue ticks, they might have opened the message (which can happen automatically if you click on a notification), not had time to read it or just skimmed and seen the length of it and decided to read the full thing later.

Given that you sent a message like this, I’d guess you have a tendency to over think and over analyse (not a criticism- I get it!!) so on that basis could you also be overthinking the response?

KiwiFall · 15/09/2026 22:43

No. They may have seen the preview of the message pop up on either their screen or their car. Mine does this. I don’t see the whole message unless I select to. Which sometimes I don’t if I’m busy at that moment.

If I then tried to read the whole message later when I had time and it said deleted I think I would send a message like the one you mentioned saying how can I when you deleted it.

SoggyTissue · 15/09/2026 22:39

FYI android users, if you go to your phone settings > notifications > notification history, you can actually read deleted messages. When you delete them in WhatsApp, it doesn't delete from your whole phone :) just a little trick I wanted to share x

Original poster
MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 22:29

I said ‘Thank God’ 🥴

OP posts:
QueenOfAccountability · 15/09/2026 22:27

MyLimeGuide · 15/09/2026 22:19

What did you say back anyway? After she said "I can't read it you've deleted it'

I'm also intrigued as to what you said after they said "I can't read it you've deleted it".

MyLimeGuide · 15/09/2026 22:26

BluebellBeth · 15/09/2026 22:24

Did you declare your undying love then change your mind? That is kinda awkward!

Omg it so is! Imagine if they were about to respond- "i love you back" but then saw the message got deleted 😥

Original poster
MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 22:26

BluebellBeth · 15/09/2026 22:24

Did you declare your undying love then change your mind? That is kinda awkward!

Something like that 😂🙄

OP posts:
BluebellBeth · 15/09/2026 22:24

Did you declare your undying love then change your mind? That is kinda awkward!

Tiptopflipflop · 15/09/2026 22:22

If a message like that came up when I was busy I'd assume that it was a message that needed time and concentration. So I'd stop reading after that first sentence and come back to it later. Particularly if I was at work.

Ishehe · 15/09/2026 22:21

🍿

BluebellBeth · 15/09/2026 22:19

No. They might have read the first line when it popped up, but never opened it. Or opened it and thought they'd come back to it later if it was long.

MyLimeGuide · 15/09/2026 22:19

What did you say back anyway? After she said "I can't read it you've deleted it'

Godrabbit · 15/09/2026 22:17

They'll have seen a preview. This is how 13yr olds behave btw.

Original poster
MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 22:15

But it’s AIBU
Why give the be of the doubt if you can be obtuse or arsey

OP posts:
SylvanMoon · 15/09/2026 22:15

MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 22:02

They may well have seen a preview?
I don’t have that on my WhatsApp.
I sent a nice message to someone, but they do have a habit of skim reading messages, so I wanted them to make sure they read it to the end, because that had the nicest bit. Hence starting my message please read carefully, and to the end.
However, some hours later I was a bit self conscious/embarrassed, so deleted it in the hope that they hadn’t read it.
When they replied and started their message ‘can’t read it if you delete it’
I thought oh fuck they have read it, and are trying to spare my blushes as well as theirs.
Normally if someone deletes a message that’s not what you would say?
So that’s it.
I’m neither hard work or a drama queen or whatever else I’ve been accused of being.
I’m a person who sent someone a nice message and got embarrassed.
Thanks to those who explained shit to me and thank God I’m not someone vulnerable, because some of the responses were quite unnecessary.

By assuming they did read it and told you "conveniently" that they hadn't before you deleted it, you're sabotaging whatever it was you intended to be the result of the "nice" but potentially embarrassing message. It's quite possible that whoever you sent this "nice message" to did not get a chance to read your message. So now, what are you going to do? How will you explain to them that you deleted the message before they could read it? Will you resend it (or a version of it)?

Original poster
MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 22:14

I didn’t want to have to explain
it should have been stand alone, as one if the first couple of posters to reply did point out.

OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 15/09/2026 22:12

MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 22:02

They may well have seen a preview?
I don’t have that on my WhatsApp.
I sent a nice message to someone, but they do have a habit of skim reading messages, so I wanted them to make sure they read it to the end, because that had the nicest bit. Hence starting my message please read carefully, and to the end.
However, some hours later I was a bit self conscious/embarrassed, so deleted it in the hope that they hadn’t read it.
When they replied and started their message ‘can’t read it if you delete it’
I thought oh fuck they have read it, and are trying to spare my blushes as well as theirs.
Normally if someone deletes a message that’s not what you would say?
So that’s it.
I’m neither hard work or a drama queen or whatever else I’ve been accused of being.
I’m a person who sent someone a nice message and got embarrassed.
Thanks to those who explained shit to me and thank God I’m not someone vulnerable, because some of the responses were quite unnecessary.

I think if you’d said this in the first place you wouldn’t have had such a hard time from posters……..

Alltheusefulitems · 15/09/2026 22:12

My watch shows me the first line of whatsapp messages when they come through. I would know someone had sent me a message saying read this carefully but if I wasnt near my phone before it was deleted I wouldnt have seen any more of the message.

WorkCleanRepeat · 15/09/2026 22:12

I'd have assumed they managed to read the preview lines before it deleted.

They could very well have read the whole message though. If they have read receipts turned off i'd probably assume they had read the whole message.

MyLimeGuide · 15/09/2026 22:06

FYI on my phone I can read entire whatsapp messages (preview) as long as there isn't some sort of attachment without creating the blue ticks. And yes a deleted message will appear as 'message deleted '

TellHerIFeelFine · 15/09/2026 22:04

If someone sent me a message and the first line was instructing me how to read that message, I would not read the message.

Original poster
MurphysColeslaw · 15/09/2026 22:02

They may well have seen a preview?
I don’t have that on my WhatsApp.
I sent a nice message to someone, but they do have a habit of skim reading messages, so I wanted them to make sure they read it to the end, because that had the nicest bit. Hence starting my message please read carefully, and to the end.
However, some hours later I was a bit self conscious/embarrassed, so deleted it in the hope that they hadn’t read it.
When they replied and started their message ‘can’t read it if you delete it’
I thought oh fuck they have read it, and are trying to spare my blushes as well as theirs.
Normally if someone deletes a message that’s not what you would say?
So that’s it.
I’m neither hard work or a drama queen or whatever else I’ve been accused of being.
I’m a person who sent someone a nice message and got embarrassed.
Thanks to those who explained shit to me and thank God I’m not someone vulnerable, because some of the responses were quite unnecessary.

OP posts:
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