Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My parents have become insufferable.

696 replies

PleasePleasePleaseDontProve · 15/09/2026 17:11

I am really struggling with my parents. Both are mid-sixties, retired. It seems since retirement they have become quite bigoted, insufferable and insular in their viewpoints. Every time I meet up with them conversations revolve around:

  • Illegal immigration / people on benefits / Reform and Nigel Farage. Essentially focussing around the latest GB news story (which they watch religiously).
  • Their latest or ongoing health ailments and how poor, in their view, the NHS is.
  • Unnecessary and rude descriptions to describe other people (could be random strangers) or people they know. For example, ‘our fat neighbour has put on tons of weight.’

I used to have a fantastic relationship with my parents, particularly my father, and I’m sure he wasn’t always like this. I’m starting to dislike meeting up with them as their attitudes seem to have changed towards life and people in general, and they constantly want to discuss the latest GB News story.

Has anybody else found this has happened to their parents?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
wiredandtired · 17/09/2026 06:01

PleasePleasePleaseDontProve · 15/09/2026 23:19

Yes, but people don’t generally make every conversation about their children or football. My parents are pretty much incapable of having any conversation that doesn’t relate to one of their talking points. Every time I attempt to change the subject, they manage to make the conversation about immigrants or benefits or the NHS again.

Yes and also children and football are (generally) pretty inoffensive/ positive/ happy things to make conversation about.

The topics your parents talk about are negative, controversial things that rile people up.

Doubt it's good for their stress levels or blood pressure to be living in a world where this is all they think about.

Waspy43 · 17/09/2026 05:44

HelpMeGetThrough · 15/09/2026 17:26

Wait till they get to their 80s, every ailment is a frigging competition!!

Oh yes !!! My mum gets angry if my dad gets a Drs appt before she does 🙈🙈🙈🤣

YourGoldLurker · 17/09/2026 00:44

SixtySomething · 17/09/2026 00:22

If there is a problem with her hearing AND she feels defensive about it, it will explain a lot of her behaviour. In the first place, she may not want to engage in conversation, because she can't actually hear what the other person is saying, and therefore avoids the situation.
Also, I heard on a radio 4 discussion that hearing loss does lead to cognitive decline, because of the lack of psychological stimulation.
I would say, do your best to persuade her to followup on a hearing check and have hearing aids if recommended. I guess it's a hopeless task if she can't admit to the situation. I believe NHS hearing aids are very good these days, as well as discrete, and should make an enormous difference, if that is the initial cause of the apparent lack of interest in others.

My gran was hard of hearing most of her life as she lost hearing after having scarlet fever as a child. My mum is 77 and is halfway through a degree. Her hearing loss has not caused cognitive decline.

YourGoldLurker · 17/09/2026 00:40

SixtySomething · 17/09/2026 00:22

If there is a problem with her hearing AND she feels defensive about it, it will explain a lot of her behaviour. In the first place, she may not want to engage in conversation, because she can't actually hear what the other person is saying, and therefore avoids the situation.
Also, I heard on a radio 4 discussion that hearing loss does lead to cognitive decline, because of the lack of psychological stimulation.
I would say, do your best to persuade her to followup on a hearing check and have hearing aids if recommended. I guess it's a hopeless task if she can't admit to the situation. I believe NHS hearing aids are very good these days, as well as discrete, and should make an enormous difference, if that is the initial cause of the apparent lack of interest in others.

My mum lost most of the top range of her hearing after a bout of COVID last year. 18 months wait for NHS aids.

SixtySomething · 17/09/2026 00:30

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 16/09/2026 21:16

Of course it’s insufferable to visit your parents to listen to them going on and on and on about things that 1. You don’t agree with 2. You have no interest in and 3. You know is parroted from the news. Regardless of their views, left or right, most people like variety and human connection from their family, not a constant rundown of GB News daily highlights. No one likes a bore, it makes it worse when you feel their bigoted but any side of the political spectrum can be insufferable if they keep going on about it when no one else is interested

Well, go on a trip to somewhere nice, then, and cheer them up. Go to the cinema with them. I doubt they'll complain about migrants all the way through the film if it's one they're enjoying. 😆If they do complain, buy them some popcorn and a drink. That should do the trick.
Honestly, I do find a lot of this thread a bit OTT.

SixtySomething · 17/09/2026 00:22

ALittleBitDifferent · 16/09/2026 22:25

Thanks for thinking about this. Yes, she has had a hearing check. I suspect this confirmed she has some hearing loss but will not admit it or do anything about it!

Unfortunately, she won’t accept advice or help from me…what do I know, I’m only a woman…might get my partner to talk to her…😉😊😵‍💫

There is definitely an egocentricity about her though. She NEVER asks about anyone, me, my DC’s. I changed jobs nine months ago and despite her knowing this, she has not asked anything at all about it.

I’ve learnt to accept her ways, otherwise, she makes me feel invisible.

Edited

If there is a problem with her hearing AND she feels defensive about it, it will explain a lot of her behaviour. In the first place, she may not want to engage in conversation, because she can't actually hear what the other person is saying, and therefore avoids the situation.
Also, I heard on a radio 4 discussion that hearing loss does lead to cognitive decline, because of the lack of psychological stimulation.
I would say, do your best to persuade her to followup on a hearing check and have hearing aids if recommended. I guess it's a hopeless task if she can't admit to the situation. I believe NHS hearing aids are very good these days, as well as discrete, and should make an enormous difference, if that is the initial cause of the apparent lack of interest in others.

justasking111 · 16/09/2026 23:46

My father was a kind tolerant person until the end. My mother on the other hand showed her true colours when two siblings married Asians. It was ugly.

BusyExpert · 16/09/2026 23:41

I was responding to the OP I have no idea why it came up under your post I apologise.

JasmineMac · 16/09/2026 23:39

BusyExpert · 16/09/2026 23:38

I think that you should examine your own rather ill informed bigoted attitudes.

Are you replying to me, or to someone else?

BusyExpert · 16/09/2026 23:38

I think that you should examine your own rather ill informed bigoted attitudes.

JasmineMac · 16/09/2026 23:32

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 22:03

Just back from a Tommy march?

[By the most basic of reason and logic] Mass, uncontrolled, often hostile and (most pertinently) illegal (worth noting that the poster you quoted DID stress same) migration is alarming. And by 'most basic' I mean, to be entirely explicit, only a fool would suggest otherwise. It's something for which many people are, obviously, concerned.

So why the haughty derision? You must know you're conveying obtuseness? When I see derisory/caustic replies like yours, I just wonder why?

For the broader conversation, my Dad is 81, and his character and integrity are entirely unchanged.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 16/09/2026 23:26

HelpMeGetThrough · 15/09/2026 17:26

Wait till they get to their 80s, every ailment is a frigging competition!!

I have a friend that does that all of the time and has done so for decades! Cracks me up!

Mere1 · 16/09/2026 22:58

DramaAlpaca · 15/09/2026 17:23

Blimey, DH and I are in our sixties and we're not a bit like that I hope

My 90 year old parents - now they are just like that, very much so. And yes, they are insufferable and I have to limit contact. I think it's a personality thing though, not an age thing.

Edited

We definitely aren’t like that! Perhaps they now have more time to read newspapers or online news and believe the Daily Mail and other such influencers? They need hobbies.

Crikeyalmighty · 16/09/2026 22:38

ALittleBitDifferent · 16/09/2026 22:33

The amount of illegal migrant rapes on women is not to be ignored.

Do you have the data and statistics for this?

I suggest that it’s very easy to focus only on this and not the amount of general shitty behaviour including rapes and also coercive control and behaviour by men who are as white British born as they come. These total knuckledraggers seem to be ignored by GB News

ALittleBitDifferent · 16/09/2026 22:33

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 16/09/2026 22:01

Do you know what?? This attack on elders in our community is really not necessary.
EVERY generation becomes more 'tolerant' until they age! Nobody gives a fuck in their teens. Twenties.. wee bit more moany but generally still tolerable and open. Thirties.. things getting harder...kids, mortgage, childcare costs, full time stressful work...starting to feel a bit older and a tiny bit resentful to those who don't work. Forties...starting to feel more physically tired through work and life... still dealing with the kids probs now teenagers who need everything now, lifts everywhere etc... becoming more fucking raging about non-workers who chose it as a lifestyle.

Fifties.. well here we go. This is the age i actually feel myself and will not hold back.
Our country is in danger. This has to be acknowledged. If i was 20, 30 or even possibly 40.i would have laughed and called people racist.
This shit is now real. We have never, never had this amount of illegal 'migrants'. Its not oldie folk being scared. It's real. The amount of illegal migrant rapes on women is not to be ignored.

The amount of illegal migrant rapes on women is not to be ignored.

Do you have the data and statistics for this?

ALittleBitDifferent · 16/09/2026 22:25

SixtySomething · 16/09/2026 21:49

Have you investigated whether she has a hearing problem?

Thanks for thinking about this. Yes, she has had a hearing check. I suspect this confirmed she has some hearing loss but will not admit it or do anything about it!

Unfortunately, she won’t accept advice or help from me…what do I know, I’m only a woman…might get my partner to talk to her…😉😊😵‍💫

There is definitely an egocentricity about her though. She NEVER asks about anyone, me, my DC’s. I changed jobs nine months ago and despite her knowing this, she has not asked anything at all about it.

I’ve learnt to accept her ways, otherwise, she makes me feel invisible.

Witknit · 16/09/2026 22:15

RealFlawless · 15/09/2026 17:37

I think retirement can have a negative effect in this way if you don't make an effort to get out into the world- if you just watch TV news all day and have no counter-balancing experience then that will change your views of the world. It's not age in itself (although age-related cognitive decline of course doesn't help- not everyone has that though)- it's the result of getting all your information about the world from a single source.

I agree with this. Im in my sixties. My siblings who are both older than me fit this description perfectly. They also both watch GB News exclusively for their news. Im really shocked at the change in both of them in the past 18 months.
My close friends and I have noticed the same with many of our age group and are both concerned, bemused and embarrassed by this behaviour. We are all quite active and connected. We are all retired but with volounteering jobs.
I also wonder whether it is the less active retired with few outside interests and reduced social interactions.
I personally have reduced my visits as its just pretty unpleasant, so perhaps Im contributing to the issue!

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 16/09/2026 22:12

Do they have access to the Internet? Sounds like they have been radicalised.
Its a big problem with that generation as they lack the skills to discern between good and bad information.

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 22:05

Oh and if you voted for Brexit, the increase in illegal immigrants is on you.

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 22:03

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 16/09/2026 22:01

Do you know what?? This attack on elders in our community is really not necessary.
EVERY generation becomes more 'tolerant' until they age! Nobody gives a fuck in their teens. Twenties.. wee bit more moany but generally still tolerable and open. Thirties.. things getting harder...kids, mortgage, childcare costs, full time stressful work...starting to feel a bit older and a tiny bit resentful to those who don't work. Forties...starting to feel more physically tired through work and life... still dealing with the kids probs now teenagers who need everything now, lifts everywhere etc... becoming more fucking raging about non-workers who chose it as a lifestyle.

Fifties.. well here we go. This is the age i actually feel myself and will not hold back.
Our country is in danger. This has to be acknowledged. If i was 20, 30 or even possibly 40.i would have laughed and called people racist.
This shit is now real. We have never, never had this amount of illegal 'migrants'. Its not oldie folk being scared. It's real. The amount of illegal migrant rapes on women is not to be ignored.

Just back from a Tommy march?

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 16/09/2026 22:01

Do you know what?? This attack on elders in our community is really not necessary.
EVERY generation becomes more 'tolerant' until they age! Nobody gives a fuck in their teens. Twenties.. wee bit more moany but generally still tolerable and open. Thirties.. things getting harder...kids, mortgage, childcare costs, full time stressful work...starting to feel a bit older and a tiny bit resentful to those who don't work. Forties...starting to feel more physically tired through work and life... still dealing with the kids probs now teenagers who need everything now, lifts everywhere etc... becoming more fucking raging about non-workers who chose it as a lifestyle.

Fifties.. well here we go. This is the age i actually feel myself and will not hold back.
Our country is in danger. This has to be acknowledged. If i was 20, 30 or even possibly 40.i would have laughed and called people racist.
This shit is now real. We have never, never had this amount of illegal 'migrants'. Its not oldie folk being scared. It's real. The amount of illegal migrant rapes on women is not to be ignored.

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 21:56

Wimin123 · 16/09/2026 21:00

I think the point is that uni probably provides less in the way of critical thinking than you imagine. Just ask the employers about the calibre of applicants.

If you read my earlier posts, I was actually talking about education in general - not just Uni.

As part of history (all through secondary school) I was always taught to consider who created the sources we were discussing or studying, and why they might want to push a certain agenda, and whether we could trust the source and if not why not.

I don't think academia or education is the be all and end all of critical thinking but if you've not studied these things because you weren't ever taught them then how would you know what sources of news had your best interests at heart or not?

My parents did not do A Levels, have a couple of (low grade) O Levels between them and didn't go onto any further education.

Note: let's not demonise those who think education is a good thing. One thing the right especially love to push back against is education. A very dangerous game.

SixtySomething · 16/09/2026 21:49

ALittleBitDifferent · 16/09/2026 18:44

Very similar to my DM, though in her 80’s, not 60’s.

Lots of little things become a drama, loads of medical details shared and an awful habit of interrupting a conversation with her latest ‘theme’ - just dropped in, nothing to do with anyone else, totally different to the conversation taking place.

I wonder if it is a stage of life, just like young children are egocentric (Piaget’s theory of cognitive development) - a child's inability to see a situation or the world from another person's point of view - there must be an equivalent in the cognitive development in older people. A stage we will all go through as we age.

I’m sure a psychologist will correct me, or hopefully explain more!

I do, however, get great satisfaction in balancing the Daily Mail/GBNews views, by leaving her my Saturday copy of The Guardian each week. 😉😂

Edited

Have you investigated whether she has a hearing problem?

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 21:47

Anonyanonay · 16/09/2026 20:56

Perfectly fine to slag off your parents though.

Oh, the irony, as you like to say.

Edited

I've really touched a nerve with you. You're coming for every comment.

I'm guessing you watch GB news and think Nigel Farage will save the world and are scared that someone in a small boat might steal your cup of tea.

Blueskies77 · 16/09/2026 21:33

My parents are early 70s and the same. I don’t remember them being as awful as this. GB news obsessed. I can’t be bothered to argue with it anymore, I just avoid conversations about it all, no matter what I say it won’t change their views.

Swipe left for the next trending thread