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My parents have become insufferable.

696 replies

PleasePleasePleaseDontProve · 15/09/2026 17:11

I am really struggling with my parents. Both are mid-sixties, retired. It seems since retirement they have become quite bigoted, insufferable and insular in their viewpoints. Every time I meet up with them conversations revolve around:

  • Illegal immigration / people on benefits / Reform and Nigel Farage. Essentially focussing around the latest GB news story (which they watch religiously).
  • Their latest or ongoing health ailments and how poor, in their view, the NHS is.
  • Unnecessary and rude descriptions to describe other people (could be random strangers) or people they know. For example, ‘our fat neighbour has put on tons of weight.’

I used to have a fantastic relationship with my parents, particularly my father, and I’m sure he wasn’t always like this. I’m starting to dislike meeting up with them as their attitudes seem to have changed towards life and people in general, and they constantly want to discuss the latest GB News story.

Has anybody else found this has happened to their parents?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
thepariscrimefiles · 16/09/2026 13:57

CoventryCity · 15/09/2026 21:12

As you're so clever, you will of course understand that the NHS do give priority care to asylum seekers. Right?

Edited

Well that's bollocks. Asylum seekers have access to the NHS but they aren't given priority. In fact, official reports indicate that language barriers and administrative confusion mean asylum seekers often face more difficulties accessing care than people who were born here.

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 13:46

SixtySomething · 16/09/2026 13:43

‘sounds like you've always been racist.’

Highly unlikely as I said I come from an immigrant family myself. 🤣
When people feel the need to chuck insults around, it’s obvious they don’t have anything intelligent to say.

Being 'from an immigrant family' does not automatically mean you can't be racist.

Just like "I have a black friend, how can I be racist".

Turmericisfashionable · 16/09/2026 13:45

Again, OP, do you ever do anything with your parents? Do you ever visit a stately home, go to the theatre or the cinema, go to a talk, visit a museum or art gallery, etc? If you do things with them, there'll be something else for you all to talk about, and I'm sure it'd do them good. And have you done anything to encourage them to take up a hobby or to volunteer - something that takes them out of the house and into the company of new people, with a ready-made mutual interest to talk about? I think you need to take action, rather than just complaining. They don't sound very happy. A book club would be great, as that's time spent reading a book every month, rather than just watching TV, and they then have a lively conversation / debate with other people who live locally, on something that is not the GB news.

SixtySomething · 16/09/2026 13:43

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 13:38

you're the one turning it into an ageist 'young vs old' debate.

This is about racist people, whatever their age.

The OPs parents were previously kind, thoughtful, happy and non-racist. This is about that change into unhappy narrow insular people. Not about their age.

Then again, sounds like you've always been racist.

‘sounds like you've always been racist.’

Highly unlikely as I said I come from an immigrant family myself. 🤣
When people feel the need to chuck insults around, it’s obvious they don’t have anything intelligent to say.

Piglet89 · 16/09/2026 13:41

Anonymouseposter · 16/09/2026 12:38

I followed that link and had a quick look. The first sentence of the OP says that “ an older woman” made the comment.
Actually the descriptor was unnecessary and probably there because there is a bias towards thinking an older person might be more likely to say something prejudiced. It’s very subtle but if you read through an AIBU thread started by forty year old and one started by a 65 year old you will see a difference in the responses and assumptions.
If she had said “ a fat woman “ “ an Asian woman “ or “ a disabled woman “ everyone would have quickly pulled her up on the irrelevance.

Thats my point. An older person is more likely to say something prejudiced and anti Irish like this. Also more to get sucked into the GB News loops the OP on this thread has raised.

I addressed the ageism points in one of my posts on the anti Irish thread.

The ageism what aboutery is really tedious and unfortunately plays into the narrative that older people have a tendency to be self centred and think stuff is all about them.

News flash: it’s not.

SixtySomething · 16/09/2026 13:40

Agapornis · 16/09/2026 13:21

It's not impossible. But maybe you've previously tended to nod and go along with what they say? Avoid any conflict?

Just hang up or go home. You don't have to spend time with people you don't like. They're behaving like toddlers, treat them as such.

They’re her parents. If they’re ‘behaving like toddlers’, probably they need some support from their daughter.
At the least, she could discuss with them the circumstances that have led to their views which she dislikes.
Perhaps she could encourage them to find more interests.
Perhaps the NHS is in such trouble because ‘toddler’ young people shirk their responsibilities towards their parents and wider family.
Part of being an adult is understanding one’s responsibilities,

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 13:38

SixtySomething · 16/09/2026 13:29

It’s become polarised: the enlightened younger generation versus the bigoted geriatrics.

Perhaps the younger generation are in fact somewhat bigoted and push the oldies towards things like GB News, which I’ve never heard of.

Perhaps the oh-so-sure youngies should look more thoughtfully into the origins of geriatrics’ opinions.

I grew up in a white working class and lower middle class suburb which was effectively completely white. There was a sense of community and shared values there, which was blown wide apart by immigration from the 1970s.

Surely people were correct in feeling something was lost when shared neighbourhood street life was destroyed from the outside? This did not happen to the middle class.

Likewise, I remember London when the centre was dominated by a uniquely ‘British’ vibe.

Unfortunately, pc has outlawed dialogue about such matters. This is compounded by ageism where the norm is to belittle rather than respect the wisdom and experience of old age.

I say these things as coming from a partly immigrant family who had every reason to feel gratitude for having their lives saved by GB’s acceptance of them as citizens.

you're the one turning it into an ageist 'young vs old' debate.

This is about racist people, whatever their age.

The OPs parents were previously kind, thoughtful, happy and non-racist. This is about that change into unhappy narrow insular people. Not about their age.

Then again, sounds like you've always been racist.

SixtySomething · 16/09/2026 13:31

shecanbe · 16/09/2026 13:23

If they are in all day every day with GB News playing on loop, this is, very unfortunately, what will happen OP. They are absorbing extremely narrow, bigoted propaganda and sadly, this has become their whole universe. Have you ever watched GB 'News.' It's not even news! Not remotely. It's very bitter and petty loons frankly, rambling about immigration and 'the establishment.' The whole thing is aimed at the lowest level of intelligence. It's quite unbelievable to actually witness, and scary to think that millions of people are probably basing their whole world vision on this utter drivel.

My dad is the same. Used to be a fairly normal, functioning adult. Now he watches GB News and has lost any capacity for normal discourse. He talks 'at' people, not with them. Doesn't care about actual facts - everything and anything is the fault of migrants. Even though he lives in a part of the U.K. where there are barely any illegal migrants! This is the joke of it. Mind you, even he is beginning to see through Farage and Reform. so there is some hope at least. He won't admit to it - yet - but I see it slowly dawning. Nevertheless, for now at least, anyone who even mildly disagrees with anything he says is summarily dismissed as 'the Establishment' or 'The Liberal Elite' or 'The Left.' Even if you have never voted Labour in your life, you still deemed to be 'the Left' if you're not incandescent and perpetually raging about immigration 😆. But of course he, as a white man of middle England all-fine-here-thankyou-very-much is not of 'the establishment' at all. Noooo. He now says you have to 'pick a side.' Wtf! His world is GB News. And he is always RIGHT - even in the face of 100% proof to the contrary. Being 'right' is now more important than truth and understanding nuance.

It's insecurity basically - these sort of people rarely have anything to say unless it's putting other people down. That's their only conversation topic.

Edited

Are you putting someone down by any chance? 🤣

SixtySomething · 16/09/2026 13:29

It’s become polarised: the enlightened younger generation versus the bigoted geriatrics.

Perhaps the younger generation are in fact somewhat bigoted and push the oldies towards things like GB News, which I’ve never heard of.

Perhaps the oh-so-sure youngies should look more thoughtfully into the origins of geriatrics’ opinions.

I grew up in a white working class and lower middle class suburb which was effectively completely white. There was a sense of community and shared values there, which was blown wide apart by immigration from the 1970s.

Surely people were correct in feeling something was lost when shared neighbourhood street life was destroyed from the outside? This did not happen to the middle class.

Likewise, I remember London when the centre was dominated by a uniquely ‘British’ vibe.

Unfortunately, pc has outlawed dialogue about such matters. This is compounded by ageism where the norm is to belittle rather than respect the wisdom and experience of old age.

I say these things as coming from a partly immigrant family who had every reason to feel gratitude for having their lives saved by GB’s acceptance of them as citizens.

Saddaughter999 · 16/09/2026 13:28

PleasePleasePleaseDontProve · 15/09/2026 17:11

I am really struggling with my parents. Both are mid-sixties, retired. It seems since retirement they have become quite bigoted, insufferable and insular in their viewpoints. Every time I meet up with them conversations revolve around:

  • Illegal immigration / people on benefits / Reform and Nigel Farage. Essentially focussing around the latest GB news story (which they watch religiously).
  • Their latest or ongoing health ailments and how poor, in their view, the NHS is.
  • Unnecessary and rude descriptions to describe other people (could be random strangers) or people they know. For example, ‘our fat neighbour has put on tons of weight.’

I used to have a fantastic relationship with my parents, particularly my father, and I’m sure he wasn’t always like this. I’m starting to dislike meeting up with them as their attitudes seem to have changed towards life and people in general, and they constantly want to discuss the latest GB News story.

Has anybody else found this has happened to their parents?

Not parents, but my aunt. She retired at 63 last year and honestly - she aged 10 years during first few months of retirement. She was lovely, chatty women with hobbies, etc. Now she only talks about politics and Russia. That's all. Im pretty sure Dementia is waiting behind the corner....

shecanbe · 16/09/2026 13:23

If they are in all day every day with GB News playing on loop, this is, very unfortunately, what will happen OP. They are absorbing extremely narrow, bigoted propaganda and sadly, this has become their whole universe. Have you ever watched GB 'News.' It's not even news! Not remotely. It's very bitter and petty loons frankly, rambling about immigration and 'the establishment.' The whole thing is aimed at the lowest level of intelligence. It's quite unbelievable to actually witness, and scary to think that millions of people are probably basing their whole world vision on this utter drivel.

My dad is the same. Used to be a fairly normal, functioning adult. Now he watches GB News and has lost any capacity for normal discourse. He talks 'at' people, not with them. Doesn't care about actual facts - everything and anything is the fault of migrants. Even though he lives in a part of the U.K. where there are barely any illegal migrants! This is the joke of it. Mind you, even he is beginning to see through Farage and Reform. so there is some hope at least. He won't admit to it - yet - but I see it slowly dawning. Nevertheless, for now at least, anyone who even mildly disagrees with anything he says is summarily dismissed as 'the Establishment' or 'The Liberal Elite' or 'The Left.' Even if you have never voted Labour in your life, you still deemed to be 'the Left' if you're not incandescent and perpetually raging about immigration 😆. But of course he, as a white man of middle England all-fine-here-thankyou-very-much is not of 'the establishment' at all. Noooo. He now says you have to 'pick a side.' Wtf! His world is GB News. And he is always RIGHT - even in the face of 100% proof to the contrary. Being 'right' is now more important than truth and understanding nuance.

It's insecurity basically - these sort of people rarely have anything to say unless it's putting other people down. That's their only conversation topic.

Agapornis · 16/09/2026 13:21

It's not impossible. But maybe you've previously tended to nod and go along with what they say? Avoid any conflict?

Just hang up or go home. You don't have to spend time with people you don't like. They're behaving like toddlers, treat them as such.

PleasePleasePleaseDontProve · 16/09/2026 13:12

Agapornis · 16/09/2026 12:56

What happens if you say 'Mum/dad, can we talk about something else? I know how you feel about this, and it would be good to talk about something different.'

Time to interrupt.

One of two things. Either they will stop temporarily but then find a way to shoehorn the topic in again or it will start another rant, ‘I will talk about what I want, I’m fed up of everyone in this country being told not to talk about illegal immigration etc etc.’

It feels impossible.

OP posts:
TheXisthatway · 16/09/2026 12:57

The NHS is in a poor state. I am having to pay privately to get my child the support he needs as there is no NHS service for his medically diagnosed condition where I am ( and even in Boards which do have a service it is a poor service). Everyone I know who can afford private health insurance has bought it because of the state of the NHS.

There is an issue with rapid large scale immigration in our country.

If you are dismissing what they saying with labels rather than evidence and coherent debate, maybe it is you who is the bigot.

Agapornis · 16/09/2026 12:56

What happens if you say 'Mum/dad, can we talk about something else? I know how you feel about this, and it would be good to talk about something different.'

Time to interrupt.

CruelsummerTS · 16/09/2026 12:52

PleasePleasePleaseDontProve · 16/09/2026 12:46

Yes, and as I keep saying, it’s not really about their concerns for immigration or the state of the NHS - it’s how all-consuming it has seemingly become. I have just got off the phone to my mum, and despite the conversation having nothing to do with politics, she somehow managed to derail into a 2 minute rant about illegal immigrants. This happens every time I speak to my parents. It’s how small their world has become and how obsessive these topics are, having GBnews on all day and hearing the same talking points and rhetoric.

It sounds like they’ve become a bit insular, only having a few talking points - mainly from the news - is a sign of this.
Do they get out and about and socialise at all? WI, U3A, local day centre activities?
It can become very easy for anyone to get stuck in an echo chamber.

I have a similar situation with a distant aunt, luckily I don’t speak to her much myself but a family friend says she complains a lot about immigration and “foreigners” even though it doesn’t impact her day to day life in the slightest (always had a good job, great nhs treatment etc) but she spends every day watching and reading the news and getting herself all worked up. Meanwhile my uncle (her brother) a few towns over in his 70s has some hobbies, a social club, all kinds of opinions and debate goes on with him not all I agree with but he has a broader outlook because his friends are from all different professions and backgrounds.

PleasePleasePleaseDontProve · 16/09/2026 12:46

Anonymouseposter · 16/09/2026 12:44

I don’t think OPs initial post was ageist at all, it must be irritating and tedious to see how her parents have changed. Some of the follow up answers are veering towards ageism.

Yes, and as I keep saying, it’s not really about their concerns for immigration or the state of the NHS - it’s how all-consuming it has seemingly become. I have just got off the phone to my mum, and despite the conversation having nothing to do with politics, she somehow managed to derail into a 2 minute rant about illegal immigrants. This happens every time I speak to my parents. It’s how small their world has become and how obsessive these topics are, having GBnews on all day and hearing the same talking points and rhetoric.

OP posts:
Whataloadoffuss · 16/09/2026 12:46

BeeHive909 · 15/09/2026 17:35

It doesn’t get any easier . My parents are in the 70s and it’s the all the same. I’m sick of hearing the doom and gloom of it all .

My friend's dm will send her great big long messages listing everything she has done in the day. My friend is busy with 3 kids, chronic illness, never complains. The dm doesn't work and chooses to do these things, and has others to speak to, only 70. She even brought a graphic colour pic around to dfs house showing the polyps inside her bowels (do the nhs print these out ?!), and infront of the kids! Drives my friend nuts.

Anonymouseposter · 16/09/2026 12:44

I don’t think OPs initial post was ageist at all, it must be irritating and tedious to see how her parents have changed. Some of the follow up answers are veering towards ageism.

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 12:42

There seem to be an increasing amount of racist apologists on MN attempting to derail every thread.

Anonymouseposter · 16/09/2026 12:40

It’s also ageist to generalise about young people (e.g. they think they know everything).

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 12:39

Calling this thread "ageist" is whataboutery and a distraction technique.

Pure and simple.

Anonymouseposter · 16/09/2026 12:38

Piglet89 · 16/09/2026 12:14

@Anonymouseposterpeople are jumping onto all sort of threads hijacking them accusing ageism when the OP’s post was actually about a completely different issue. The Irish name one recently was a great example.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5577738-wow-the-casual-racism-of-some-people-is-shocking-isnt-it?page=9&reply=154759479

Older posters clearly don’t like the fact they belong to a population of people (if grouped by age) which is significantly more likely to display either the behaviours discussed on that thread, or those on this one. But that doesn’t make it untrue - or mean we can’t discuss the issues, some of them quite serious and which affect our lives.

It’s really tedious having threads distractingly derailed like this.

Edited

I followed that link and had a quick look. The first sentence of the OP says that “ an older woman” made the comment.
Actually the descriptor was unnecessary and probably there because there is a bias towards thinking an older person might be more likely to say something prejudiced. It’s very subtle but if you read through an AIBU thread started by forty year old and one started by a 65 year old you will see a difference in the responses and assumptions.
If she had said “ a fat woman “ “ an Asian woman “ or “ a disabled woman “ everyone would have quickly pulled her up on the irrelevance.

skygroundsky · 16/09/2026 12:37

Anonyanonay · 16/09/2026 12:22

That's exactly right. In less ageist and bigoted societies the elders were held as the holders of wisdom, by dint of their longer life experience. In the west, it's the opposite. Young people think they know everything, and despise the views of anyone who doesn't agree with them.

You're the one displaying ageism here.

"Young people think they know everything... despise the views of anyone..."

This is about racism. Not about old people but the prejudiced views loved ones hold. The irony...

YankSplaining · 16/09/2026 12:37

PermanentTemporary · 15/09/2026 17:37

With my mum, at that relatively young age, I would have the argument.

I would say to them, you taught me right from wrong, fact from fiction, not to moan and whinge (or whatever they did teach you). These days you are a right pair of Debbie Downers. I challenge you to block GB news off your TV for six months and watch some proper news - whatever you like as long as it’s not Russia Today or Fox or any of the other propaganda channels. Offer to block it for them, I found instructions on how to do it by googling. If they will accept the challenge, do it and see if things improve.

Prople love to believe they are too clever to be manipulated but we aren’t. None of us are. GB Pablum is an unadulterated stream of shite beamed straight in to our brains. Don’t accept it.

I can’t imagine being so sanctimonious, rude, and condescending as to say this to any adult.