MIL says I “hijacked” her son because I helped my parents

So DH wants to pay her to ensure that she is nice to you? Really?

Surely any help should be based on need. Presumably if DH’s family needs help in the same way as your family has then that help would be forthcoming?

This is totally nuts! Why does he have to pay them so their relationship isn’t permanently damaged. No way on earth I would be agreeing to this!

But who will pay for it?

If it does happen, I wouldn't be visiting MIL and SIL anymore.

Are you OK with that? Can you afford that with another baby on the way?

Things are very different here in the UK. I still help my adult children financially if they need it and I would never ask them for money.

It's a shame so many relationships seem to hinge on money. If it's not expected inheritances, it's who's helping who and by how much. 🙁

So if he's giving 20 per cent.. before or after tax? Makes a massive difference.
presumably she knows exactly what his salary is. How much roughly will he be liable for.
What rate of tax will he have paid on that money before he donates it?

Has he done the sums on this.

Are you willing to put up with this blackmail. ?

He has definitely been griping about spending money on your dad. Family money should be discussed he can't just say you will now be 20-30% poorer a month for the next 20+ years.
That is rewarding mil for disgusting behaviour.
Is he punishing you or is he just too weak to have a grown up conversation with his mum.

That is insane. He's offering her a permanent pension? Does she work? Own a house?

20 per cent of his salary he's already paid tax on and all her monthly bills?

So that will drastically affect his own pension.

I hope he claims tax relief for her as a dependent.

Is she seriously ill or something?

Why has he agreed to this without consulting you.

Do you have, or plan to have children?

I'd be furious about that. Its one thing to save up in case she has a serious illness like your dad. Its another thing to just hand over wads of money every month.

How do you feel about this?

Why he thinks that’s the solution? What if she also has massive bills in the future - do you tell her you’ve already prepaid x amount in the form of 20% of his income??? It’s one thing if he wants to put some amount aside without telling them in case they have huge unexpected expenses in the future but giving in to their manipulation is nuts! I’d have stern words with him!

Why, though?

Are you happy with this or do you think he has been bullied into it?
It is difficult for me, as an older British person, to understand this. In my view money only goes from parents to children/grandchildren and not the other way round.

Yikes.

I would make it clear to him that it all needs to come from his salary, that family money is only for emergency medical expenses, not for subsidising his family.

Has he said he expects you to contribute?

WTAF!!!!😳

This

Utter cow

You helped support your parents when they were in need because you could. And your husband didn't have an issue with you providing some extra support while he recovered.

Nothing is preventing your husband from supporting his mother if she's in need of support. That would be his responsibility, not yours. And the fact she targeted you with her vitriol, not your husband who is her son, and her daughter silently sat there in agreement is vile ... I'd have told her to fuck off.

She's cutting off her nose to spite her face. I can't imagine an emotionally mature, stable person behaving this way, particularly when the two of you have informed her that there's a grandchild on the way. What a selfish witch she is!

I'm sorry for your husband, but if not for him, I'd be of the opinion that you're better off without this bitter, calculating woman in your life.

Your MIL and SIL sound grabby. I would back off and let your DH deal with them.

Gosh I’d be furious at the sheer expectation and sense of entitlement

However I am not from your culture so I could not foresee how something like this should be handled

Have you considered asking your husband why he felt the need to share this information with his in laws? I mean how do they know how much you have given your parents - if your husband told them then perhaps he is the one that needs to go and back peddle with them

Do they think he is above you?

Im not sure I could come back from their behaviour tbh as they seem to value you for what you can offer them rather than valuing you as a family

This is good advice.
Don't over share, your DH should not have told them anything. I bet they were asking and pestering him to share the information with them.
Obviously MIL has a jealous and meddling nature.

So what I suggested earlier is partially true but with your SIL not MIL. In her position I too would feel uncomfortable visiting your home with both of your parents there one of whom was quite ill. You didn't clarify if your parents spent the entire 6 months with you and your husband or if it was shared care with your siblings. Presumably if they were with you for the entire 6 months your house was pretty busy with your own family, your parents living with you and visitors to see your Dad. Pretty busy household.
How did your husband interact with his sister and parents during that 6 months. Did he maintain contact at the same level or prioritise your family?

Are you Turkish?

This is for your DH to sort out. He shouldn’t have been talking to them about your finances in any case as it can’t have been news to him that they would behave like this. They presumably haven’t changed personalities since he lived at home so surely he had an idea that they would be petty like this?

If I were you I’d leave them alone. No more invites for a while. At the very least you are owed an apology and I would steer well clear of them until one has been received.

Is it common i Spanish culture to share with your parents details of how money are spent? It is imho impossible to comment to tour situation by anyone outside of your culture.