MIL says I “hijacked” her son because I helped my parents

They’re toxic. Avoid. They’re his family, let him start speaking up. You did good looking after dad but why you need to mention money I don’t know. Very common !

It does look that way and although I agree that consequently they don't deserve to have OP's support and love and in the scheme of things it would probably be very little actual 'loss' to her...🙄 but
However, it is really sad to think that OP's MIL and SIL consider it was worth throwing a hypothetical hand grenade into the family dynamic over such a preposterously exaggerated and overblown issue that simply highlights their own entitlement and complete lack of empathy/sympathy for her and her Dad! 😥

They’re being ridiculous and your DH needs to tell them to piss off instead of bowing down to their demands

Fact is your dad was seriously ill and needed you and I bet it it had been the other way around you would have done the same for his parents. Thats the message he needs to give them.

What they’re asking for, that’s not how life works, you help families if they need it, you don’t then sub someone else because they think it should be tit for tat.

Honestly if that's what he wants to do i would probably say fine but a) this is instead of the kind of support you gave your parents ie in a time of genuine need, not as well as - so if she ends up ill in hospital, she's on her own, she chose this instead and b) I never want to see her again. What a horrible family. You are best out of it.

This.

I was assuming USA initially, even when the OP said Spanish I thought maybe Latin America - but this whole thing makes no sense as she's actually mentioned Seville!

But that's insane. Why have you agreed to this. His mother is a CF. And your DH is a drip if he gives in to this blackmail.
I thought Spain had a comprehensive health care system, btw.

Unintentionally clicked YABU but you absolutely aren’t. You get to take care of your family guilt free. The nerve to dump on you like that!

How do your extended family have such high medical expenses if you live in Seville?

I’m sure if it were the wife complaining about the husband financially contributing to his family, the tone would be vastly different on MN.

your mother in law needs to speak with her son about this first and foremost.

Lol re universal healthcare. Sure if you’re prepared to go blind waiting for cataract treatment, become permanently disabled due to deterioration on a waiting list for hip or knee replacement surgery, lose months or years of life while you languish on a waiting list for a scan and your cancer becomes inoperable etc…

She's not in the UK.

MIL wants her son to pony up hard cash her way, though. Like a monthly income. He apparently wants to pay all her monthly bills on top of that too. So the hard cash can be free for spending. That is aside from medical insurance, or medical bills.

What repercussions this will have in the home of the soon to be three children, seems to be immaterial, too.

Surely it would be better to top up their health insurance, they must be on the basic system at least as they are comfortably well off.
Also ask your siblings to pay their difference on what the cost was over the next few years.
I am in France so I do understand but I am astonished that the Spanish system your father’s did not cover health care as it does in France. Forewarned is forearmed. I only have had to pay for food and a private room as extras when I have been hospitalized here.

The only part of this thats you being 'unreasonable' is bothering and trying to fix it. Life's too short to try with people like that. I would message your points so it's written down clearly, then leave them. Don't cave.

It is IMO. I'd be telling him I will separate if he tries to do this. I'd see an attorney to be safe and know my rights.

My first rule is never discuss finances with friends or family. No matter how close you are!
‘Jealousy is the nature of the beast’ as they say!

MIL/SIL totally unreasonable, disrespectful and very greedy!

Your DH should be the one to deal with his family. Let them be for now. If they try to contact you/DH then He needs to be firm and clear around the total lack of respect for his DW/family and personal choices around his own finances. Absolutely none of their business. Ensure they are aware how disgraceful their behaviour has been,

NEVER tell the in laws (or anyone else for that matter) another thing about your personal finances.

It’s personal for a reason!

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Enjoy this time with your own family and DH.

They’d re being ridiculous! All you had to say was if it happened to you we would help the same way . Your mil is not your responsibility or your husbands . They seem very toxic and I think in the long run you are better off without them . Awful to ignore the fact you are pregnant too . Just keep them away as much as you can .

Goodness. In this equitable dishing out of your nuclear family resources, you need to do the exact same for your parents. 20% of salary, all fbills and any current and future medical expenses. I’m sure your MIL would only think it fitting considering the fuss she made about your support for your parents during a serious medical need.

In all seriousness, you’ve two children, and a third on the way. And your MIL will be happy to siphon off resources from them. If she was ill, or needed care, that would be one thing. But that is not the situation, is it? Maybe she has a third cousin, four times removed who would like a little of your nuclear family resources too. Since your MIL is happy to take from your children… .

Do you have separate spending money?

You need to have both salaries into the bill account, bills paid, savings etc sorted and then you split the rest. He pays his mother out of his spends because otherwise you are paying it too.

If she had the same issue with a medical bill then that would be different and I am sure you would have no problem doing for her what you did for your dad. But paying 20% of income every single month MUST come from his money, not joint money.

If you insist on this then he might rethink.

er what about yours! He’s gone crazy

This is the problem. Hubby needs to stop sharing info. Your finances are between the two of you.

I'm assuming you aren't in the UK so all replies youre getting will be from our point of view.

Isn't there Universal Healthcare in the UK? That said, Why do they even know that you helped your Father financially? This is why you don't discuss your finances at all beyond with your spouse.
Enjoy the silence. I always say that the Silent treatment is a gift, not a punishment.
In fact, If one wants to play Silent treatment Chicken with me....I'm a better chicken :)

Can’t argue with stupid.
Whatever your response, let your H do it.
ex. What would you suggest? that leonnor let her Dad die because you are jealous/unhinged?

Excuse me ?? Are you serious ? This sounds like financial abuse