Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask who pays the bill when dating or in a relationship?

209 replies

CardboardBoxesLily · 15/09/2026 13:19

When you’re out at a restaurant and the bill comes, how common is it to expect the man to pay?

The thought of the woman whipping her card out and paying whilst the man sits back being ‘spoiled’ by his woman just feels wrong and awkward to me.

Is that completely outdated now? Does the man not feel uncomfortable being paid for by a woman? What do other people do?

Not looking for replies saying ‘we’re married so it’s all one pot’. Specifically asking when dating/long-term relationships where finances are still separate.

OP posts:
workshy46 · 15/09/2026 13:29

Women spend a lot more getting ready for dates so in the past men usually paid, especially initially. Called me old fashioned but if a guy asked me out I would offer to split but would be unimpressed if he didn’t tbh. Women’s lib seems to have had the opposite effect - women now tend to pay more for fear as been seen as a gold digger and if this site is anything to go on in the long run end up paying for absolutely everything.

Ilovegermany · 15/09/2026 13:29

Over 5 years together. Don’t live together or share finances.
take turns or 50/50 also depends if his customers have paid him or not - he’s a self employed single father.

PoppyFleur · 15/09/2026 13:27

In the early days we split the bill, then we took turns picking up the bill. We both earned well, I would have felt very uncomfortable not paying my way.

didgeridid · 15/09/2026 13:26

I would never expect and always offered when me and my husband first met - to be fair he paid 99% of the time. Now it's out money so makes no difference anyway 😅

roseymoira · 15/09/2026 13:26

Depends, sometimes one treats the other or sometimes split in half depending on the month. LTR not living together

Tina46 · 15/09/2026 13:25

Surely 50/50 or taking turns? Why would the man (in a hetero scenario) foot all the bills?

PashaMinaMio · 15/09/2026 13:24

We always paid 50/50 if the date was a mutually agreed date & venue. Anything else, I’d whip out my card and make it clear I was happy to share.

He often used to say “have what you want, It’s my treat” which was lovely.

There was never any misunderstanding.

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/09/2026 13:24

For me it's usually done roughly alternately. I'll be aware that he paid last time, so I will get the next one. I'm comfortable with that, generally unspoken, arrangement

stargirl27 · 15/09/2026 13:20

DH always paid when we were dating unless it was his birthday or something.