AIBU to ask who pays the bill when dating or in a relationship?

I always paid my own way on dates.

I had no interest in or need for a free meal and sure as shit didnt want to feel I owed them anything.

The thought of the woman whipping her card out and paying whilst the man sits back being ‘spoiled’ by his woman just feels wrong and awkward to me.

Isn't the thought of a woman always sitting back and getting spoiled just as awkward though?

Why should men pay all the time? I'd offer at the very least on a first date.

In my ltr we take turns proportionally to our incomes. Sometimes it's a me treat, sometimes his.

I'm glad women and men aren't accepting 'the bloke always pays' bs any more. Women worked hard to get to where we are now (still a long way to go though, reading through the comments on this thread).

It would be interesting to hear answers from say under 25s and over 40s, I wonder if Gen Z are more likely to be 50/50. I’m nearer to 40 and while I’d expect to offer I wouldn’t be offended if he paid, that expectation was prevalent enough in my youth I know it’s not meant in a condescending way.

The thought of the woman whipping her card out and paying whilst the man sits back being ‘spoiled’ by his woman just feels wrong and awkward to me

As opposed to the man whipping out his card and paying whilst the woman sits back being spoiled by her man"?
What's the difference?

50/50 or take turns for me. Never had a man pay for absolutely everything

When take turns.
When one of has been a student/unemployed then the one in employment has paid more.

I paid when me and my partner first got together as he was broke and in a lot of debt - which he was honest about - and I, although not rolling in money, was more financially stable.

I did say though then, that I did it because I could and wanted to and that he could pay me back later on if we were still together years later and had children and I was a sham. Well we've now been together a few years and along has come the dc and with a job change I'm now earning a considerable amount less and he pays for virtually all meals out. The only time I do is when it's a celebration for him or I know he's low on funds until the next payday.

But it was all because I knew of friends who would split 50/50 and literally get a calculator out and I thought I don't want it to be like that not think oh this meal costs more than the meal he paid for.

Too add we have separate back accounts and don't have a shared pot and this is due to being burnt by previous partners and so we were both in agreement on this. I paid more for bills and living expenses when we first moved together and now it's more him.

Mostly dh paid because he earned 10x my salary. He still often does unless it’s a pay by app place because he’s rubbish with tech

i think men always paying is outdated now , however the last man I dated paid for everything which admittedly felt nice and chivalrous , I always offered though and never assumed or took for granted that he would pick up the bill.
Id always offer with drinks , you get the first round, I’ll get the next , but more often than not men my age ( mid 40s
) would insist on paying at least the first few times

I think first date, whoever did the asking should pay.

After that, either 50/50 or taking turns. I wouldn't want to go out with a man that insisted on paying ever time.

The man is supposed to pay really but its nice if the woman offers occasionally especially if she earns more

When dating we alternated. We didn't have big extravagant dates so it wasn't a massive difference in cost between dates, and neither of us have expensive tastes. I had a car when dating, he didn't, so if I drove he would pay for the parking. I remember the day we got enagged, driving back we had to pay for the tunnel to cross the river, and I suddenly realised it didn't matter who paid now, we were going to be married and it would all be shared money! We've had no arguments about money in the 5 years married/8 years together.

We’ve been married a long time now but we were teenagers when we started dating, everything was 50/50. Remained that way all the while we were unmarried. My husband is not romantic, he’s very literal on what is fair, I just don’t think it would occur to him to treat me lol. But that sense of fairness is ingrained in him, he would split the last rolo in half. He pulls his weight at home not because he’s been “trained” or to be performative, but because it is genuinely in his DNA to know what’s fair, when he sees me cook dinner, he doesn’t hesitate to clean up the kitchen after.

I’d pick him over a romantic man as a life partner over and over again!

50/50. I wouldn't be interested in dating anyone who believed they should pay just because they are the man.

I think the old fashioned way of the man paying is a bit of a throwback from when women relied on men financially. That's not the case anymore. Find your own path of halfs or take turns. It doesn't matter who pays.

Now married we kind of take turns. We each have our own spending money so if we want to eat out then person who suggests it pays as its a treat to eat out

Before we married 50:50 ot take turns.

Dh and I have always taken turns, even when we were dating. I would never expect a man to pay for me and vice versa. We’ve always had separate finances.

First date, the guy always paid. I’d offer, reach to get my purse, he’d say no, I’d say are you sure, he’d say yes, I’d accept gracefully.

Once in an actual relationship, we split it. Not exactly 50/50, but he’d pay sometimes, I’d pay other times. No one was going “but the dinner I paid for was more expensive than this one you’re paying for”.

I'm male. I always tended to go 50/50, but over time.

So first date tended to be drinks. I'd always get the first round, and then if she made no move to get the second, then I'd get them, but I'd be unlikely to be staying for a third drink unless she proactively said "I'll buy these"

Second date, more likely to go for food. If by the time the bill came, I saw a third date being likely, then I'd generally pay. I'd at least expect her to do the "No, it's alright, we'll go halves" dance first though. If I'm paying, I'll go "No, it's fine, you get it next time."

Third date I would expect them to make it equal, and I had a few people drop me once they realised they weren't getting a free meal. But that just saved me the trouble of dumping a freeloader.

Date 4 onwards I usually stopped keeping score. We'd be roughly 50/50 , but if it wasn't at any point, I knew it would even out in the end.

20 years on, it's all "family" money, but we keep our own accounts. Any meal out comes from my account because I earn way more so theres likely more cash in it. And the end of the day it belongs to both of us anyway.

Always split while on dates. When we got together, my partner tended to pay for some meals. But I would never expect a man to pay. Why should he feel uncomfortable if I am paying for my own meal? I don't foster such fragile masculinity.

On our first date DH paid saying "you can get the next one" which told me everything I needed to know
Roughly 50/50 for a while after that and these days (20 years on) he mostly pays but I'll take him out sometimes

Not ashamed to say that offering to pay is a test and he passes or fails.

1. I dont/didn't date around so the affordability factor for dating multiple people doesn't wash with me. I expect to be, or certainly feel, like the only date.

1. Modern dates are not full on dinners. I'd expect a coffee place followed by a walk. If a man can't afford a fiver then he isn't for me.

1. If a man can afford a fiver but begrudge, he isn't the man for me.

I'm a high quality date and my only expectation of a man is to turn up clean, on time, be engaging and to (offer) to lay out a fiver if he's asked me for coffee. If it felt right i'd be just as likely to say "don't worry, I'll get this", same as I would a friend.

When dating it’s equal - in my view, whoever asked is the payer - with the other party offering to split the bill. If it’s a first date and I had zero intention of seeing him for a second, I pretty much insisted on paying half. I can’t see how women can expect equality of pay yet think a man always foots the bill.