To ask if those early parenting decisions make a difference to later child mental health

102 replies

deliverdaniel · 15/09/2026 10:09

My kids are teens now but when they were tiny all of the early parenting decisions/ choices seemed so high stakes. Attachment style parenting vs routines. Breastfeeding vs ff. Cosleeping vs Gina Ford style routines. Sleep training etc etc.

For those with older DC what "style" of parenting did you do (attachment style/ routines/ more of a mix etc) and what is your child's mental health / security/ confidence etc like now? I"m not looking for research studies or opinions about these styles in theory- just your personal experience.

YABU- I think my parenting style produced the promised outcome in my DC

YANBU- I don't think any of it made any difference

OP posts:

spinningplatez · 17/09/2026 07:51

Please don’t beat yourself up OP, you honestly sounds like a loving, thoughtful parent. Kids - like adults- can struggle with their mental health for all sorts of reasons.

Having said that I did once work with a former social worker. We were chatting about child rearing and I asked what the one thing they would recommend to all families that would benefit children. They said: eating one meal a day together as a family.
I rather liked the simplicity of that, and felt pleased that we have always prioritised that (though of course we are flexible too).

Batcats · 17/09/2026 07:57

steppemum · 15/09/2026 12:26

some of these things are just massive red herrings too. eg co-sleeping. As if co-sleeping is a symptom of a particular parenting type.

DC 1 was a good sleeper. He slept next to me in a Moses basket and then in their cot. It never occurred to me to co-sleep, because he was lying fast asleep in his basket, woke to eat and then went back to sleep.
DC2 was a less good sleeper, but settled next to me in the Moses basket.
DC3 was like DC1.

co-sleeping or not co-sleeping just wasn't an issue. They were asleep and happy.

That is true for so many other things like, food, weaning, potty training. It isn't an either - or, or black and white.
It isn't that if you co-sleep you are emotionally connected and if you didn't you must be this other type of parent.
So often as parents we are just lead by what works for the child in front of us.

I agree with this. I've never co-slept with any of mine because I've never had to. Certainly if they were poor sleepers I would have considered it, I think doing what ever you can to get a goods night sleep and for both parents and baby to be well rested is always a good thing. But I don't agree that co-sleeping means they are going to be similarly attached or less at risk of mental health than those that don't!

Similarly I don't feel this need for every emotion to be labelled and validated is a good thing either. I think it's important for kids to actually be able to self regulate and process their emotions. If every single negative emotion or minor incident such as leaving the park early or not getting a biscuit is treated as an event to be over-analysed with great big long monologues about feelings then the it has the opposite effect of supporting them. It's intrusive as they don't have the space they need to calm down and it overwhelms them with lots of language at a time when they need to process their own emotion.

Also we can label a feeling when it may not even be the feeling they are feeling!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5