Unbalanced Inheritance Division

If the sister was interested in keeping the relationship and had a acceptable reason for why the split was what it was then you might expect her to tell the OP what the reason was in order to help keep the relationship.

That suggests either a) the parents in fact wanted that split and wanted it all along because they preferred one child which I think most people would feel is very unlikely or b) that there is actually a reason, but the sister doesn't want to say what it is (for example she convinced them to change the split etc).

b) would be consistent with her wanting to keep the money.

Really shitty of both your parents and your sister

I understand why you’re out want to cut ties and would probably do the same.

It was your Mother's decision. Respect that. She didn't have to declare her reasons, they might, at the time, have been very valid. Even if your sister did share the money more evenly you would still know that your Mother had reasons for what she did. It's very hurtful no matter what the outcome with your sister, but you still have your sister and she is more precious than money.

@Stilson - apologies if someone has already mentioned this, but presumably there are two wills here - one your mother's and the other your father's.

Presumably each parent made a will leaving their estate to the surviving spouse with the proviso that if the other spouse predeceased them (or unless they died simultaneously) that the estate would go to you and your sister.

So did the wills of both parents make an 80/20 split between your sister and you, or was that only the will of the parent that died last?

And were these wills recent or do they date back some time?

I don’t think it’s that straight forward. Seeing her sister is going to be a hurtful reminder that her parents made a decision that the OP was somehow worth less. You can’t measure love, you can’t measure care, you can’t measure appreciation. But money is very powerful in relationships because it can so clearly be measured.

i think it would be especially painful that as the sister doesn’t want to make any changes to equal things or probably feels like her sister also thinks she is worth less. It is also equally shocking that the OP seemingly had no idea that this was on the cards. So she had to process grief with an unkind shock that this was planned and no one told her or have provided any explanation.

If the reason is simply that the parents preferred the sister, is it right to honour that preference? Not all wishes should be honoured, imo.

Are you sure there’s nothing? My Nan left DH and I more because my husband did a lot of work on her house that allowed her to live there independently for longer, and he did it at cost (slightly below a lot of the time). Could there be anything like that you may be overlooking.

I understand you feeling hurt by your sister not splitting more evenly - I would do that for any of my siblings. You need to reflect on if you actually want to cut her off over this. I wouldn’t do it without really thinking. I know everyone on mumsnet cuts their family off all the time, but it’s not something to be taken lightly. Not saying you’d be wrong to do it btw - but I am saying have a real think before you do it.

@Stilson In which order did your parents pass away? Presumably one inherited from their spouse, and it would be the second will that you inherited from.

It’s all hypothetical though isn’t it. If it were them who was disinherited in favour of a sibling they wouldn’t be devastated.

The issue is that you don't seem to want to consider that there really was a reason for the disparity. It's not even 40/60. 80/20 is a definite statement.

Most posters will believe that there is a reason and that your sister is only honouring your parents wishes best on that reason, which then doesn't make her unreasonable or unkind.

How did the conversation go when you read the will. Do you even get along with your sister?

I think to answer the original question AYBU, the answer is no.

It's highly subjective how people would react in this situation and depends on a lot of things, including how much they needed the money, whether it was something that was expected all their lives or orchestrated by their sibling at the last minute etc.

Some people would want to maintain a relationship, others wouldn't and you aren't unreasonable for picking either option IMO.

This event has put a price on your relationship with your sibling and appears to be a price neither of you is willing to pay.

So you should do what feels best for you, but as with all things like this worthwhile taking some time to think carefully about it first and that it is what you really want before you decide to burn bridges.

I feel so sorry for you, @Stilson
I just couldn't get past that. I'd not only want nothing to do with sister, I couldn't feel the same way re the parents memories. How bloody hurtful. WHY do parents DO this? What a slap in the face. I hope any parents considering the same are reading this & reconsider.

Ah OP, this is awful and reading this thread is making me very, very glad I’m an only child.
I don’t understand the view people seem to be taking of OP not being entitled to anyone’s money - that may be so but surely people can see this is an extremely hurtful and baffling situation, not only in her parents doing this in the first place but now with OP’s sister not willing to do a fair split. Very upsetting.

It is, I know. But it’s a very strange situation, and stranger things than this can happen so who knows.

Well yes but in my partner’s case he has no idea what as by the time he found out everyone he could’ve asked was dead.

no closure at all, no ability to ask why, it’s just awful.

The thing is families can have a a favourite child without it being reflected in the will.

Did anything happen like move away from your home town? Live abroad?

It's awful Amy reason or backstory as to why ? Yes think I'd just live my own life and keep things distantly polite with sister .

Ok. It's a legal will. Who drafted it? If a solicitor was involved they would have asked about the discrepancy. So talk to them.

It's a very strange situation....

I know of a family where the mother initially planned to leave more to her two older sons because she spent so much on the younger one who has numerous conditions, largely but not solely mental health ones. As it is he's cleaned her out and care fees are going to take everything from the house sale so there's not going to be anything left anyway. But I can follow the logic of that because she always felt terrible that her eldest sons, who established themselves despite having their own problems as well, never asked for anything while their younger brother ripped through everything and still ended up in debt with nothing to show for it.

I'm not suggesting for a second that OP has done anything like that, just that there's usually some sort of situation like that when an inheritance is very one sided. When there isn't, you might need to think of stranger things.

My Dad left me everything and my brother nothing
I gave him half
Your sister is being unreasonable IMO

I’m sorry but I can’t believe this has completely come out of the blue and you have absolutely no idea why. Have they helped you out more during their lifetime, or did she care for them in old age. We can all say how awful but we don’t actually know what the reasoning is. If you truly have no idea then it is obviously grossly unfair

In what way was she the favourite child?

It just seems so strange for the split to be that uneven with no back story. To be clear, I'm not suggesting you are at fault or did anything wrong. I'm just thinking your parents must have had some reason even if it was a shit and unreasonable and stupid one. I'm sorry you're going through this.

thats a very strange conclusion to draw

So OP, could it be possible that one parent may have discovered later that they weren't the biological parent? And your sister knows?

Could it be to do with your partners ? Did your parents dislike your partner and not want their money going to them?