Unbalanced Inheritance Division

Having been party to my own parents giving more to my DB's than me i know it feels bad. Mine isnt remotely the kind of figures you have but more akin to 'the car goes to brother 1 and he bought brother 2 a motorbike'. I got a third split of all monies. It wasnt like yours but it just didnt make sense to leave on a unbalanced note and even though i appreciate the help its given me. It has effected how i remember them.

That said, i do know that even though i try to convince myself there was no reason for it, maybe there was. I/they didnt have much of an adult relationship. My brothers did have adult relationships with them and they also made sure their grandchildren had contact too. Mine couldnt really care less as they were strangers.

I bet if you look closely and are honest with yourself there are reasons. However the difference in your heritance is down to your parents more than your DS.

I can only suggest you move on.

Obviously I don't know OP's sister or her character; but in general, if this happened, I would be seriously wondering whether the sister had coerced her parents, or even had a new will drawn up, telling them that it just tidied up a few trivial legal details, and got them to sign it - maybe with failing eyesight, cognitive deterioration, signs of dementia or whatever.

If this had been the case, manipulating it so that you get 100% and the other gets zero would naturally be hugely tempting for a dishonest person, but it would be very questionable indeed and much harder to get away with; whereas because £40K is still a very sizeable amount, and 20% still a significant proportion, it could be explained away far more easily with some 'reason' or another as to why they wanted her to have a much greater share.

I wondered if my DGM might do something similar and make her will out wholly to me (she survived both of her own DC), with nothing to my DSis, who is very disabled and lives much further away, as she wasn't able to travel to see her. DGM had severe mental health issues, wouldn't have/use a phone or the internet and didn't have a realistic grasp of reality, so she lived in a small world where I visited her regularly, and helped and did shopping for her, and my DSis never did.

As it happens, I was able to carefully and respectfully steer her to making a will (it turns out that she didn't have one at all, as she was afraid of 'tempting fate', although she was already very elderly), including a much-loved charity that she excpressly wanted to give a nice sum to etc... she did leave it 50/50 to us both; but if she had left it all to me, I would have instantly considered it an essential additional admin task following her death to ensure that my DSis got her rightful half.

Will could have been made when sister wasn’t wealthy, and I get the impression is your younger sister (?) Were you in a relationship or marriage that would mean you were somewhat financially protected OP? or the opposite?? a partner your parents didn’t get on with. I know of an unequal split but it was for good reasons and the person explained those reasons to the children before he died. There will absolutely be a reason, they’ll have thought you just more competent at one point, and worried about your sister. She may know fine well why but not disclose? MH issues?

As others have said, there must be a reason. It could be as simple and awful as they preferred OP's sister, or there could be a much darker secret/reason behind it.

I think it also depends on what OP's sister is like. Is she normally fair and generous? If so, that would make her not sharing the money seem unusual and would make me suspect she's aware of the reason.

I think parents doing this is terrible. It's such an awful, final, lasting message to send to your child, and can cause lasting division between siblings. If parents want to leave the money unequally, they should have the decency and bravery to write a letter to go with the will that explains why.

Hmmmm.

Because presumably the parents left the money to the sibling no strings attached.

So it is the siblings right to do what they want with it after they have inherited it.

Including giving some of it to their other sister if they want to.

Hiding behind the excuse "it was the parents wishes" doesn't quite cut it for me.

Her sister is just following her parents wishes, which is uncomfortable, but what her parents have asked to happen.

Exactly this. Your sister can respect your parents’ wishes. How you react is about you. There isn’t a right or wrong answer here imo.

Well her sister has put OP a in a very difficult situation. In which she prioritises money over OP.

It's extremely unusual to write a will like that without the recipients having any understanding why. Is there no note or letter with it? Has your sibling been told any reasoning?

Disability is a very different issue though because the capacity to work may be affected. Equally, someone who has given up work to be a FT carer may be acknowledged financially. But OP has not reported either issue here.

This was the will of your parents, their decision, their choice. I do understand how hurtful this is for you. That said I do think you’re not being fair to your sister by expecting her to right the wrong you perceive done to you by your parents. It was not her choice. To cut her off because she refuses to split the money in a percentage deemed fair by you is awful. You’ve transferred your resentment towards your parents wishes to your sister.

Well, you've answered your own question, and you can certainly cut all ties with her. I very much doubt there is no back story, but anyway I can see why it would piss you off. Nobody can tell anyone else they are being unreasonable when it comes to who we want in our lives. You get to decide, and only you.

Really unfair of your parents, but you put your sister in a very difficult situation basically threatening to cut her off unless she gives you money

Yes they do. Occasionally the preference is understandable but a lot of the time it is just run of the mill favouritism. I don’t think that should be honoured.

would be devastated obviously.

I am sorry but I don’t agree.
I am not saying you cut a child off or out for no good reason.
But I have seen up close a family where a disabled sibling (with significant physical difficulties) moved back in to look after one parent and then ended up looking after two.
The other sibling lived nearby, healthy, well off, good health. Did nothing and I mean nothing.
I had to watch my friend break over a decade and give up healthcare she often needed. Magic fairies do not appear.
The sibling was quite happy accepting money and other gifts during that time. Never visited either parent when dying.
The parents made a practical decision to leave their very modest home to the child who did all they could. As a few of us friends we helped when we could, but I got a real shock seeing how little help there was available when there is a carer in situ, even one who is significantly disabled.
Good job my friend has friends as the sibling has since turned the whole family against her. Apparently she stole the inheritance.
Of course I am biased as I am a friend to one sister and not the other but I could not let my disabled sister lift an 18 stone father, change his sheets and wash him whilst I was on yet another cruise not giving a shit.
I would say that’s cruel.

I just can't imagine how hurtful this must feel OP, firstly from your parents and then your sister.
I don't understand the 'honouring wishes' things as I cannot imagine doing this to my sister. As much as PP have said your sister should worth more than the money - surely that should also apply to your sister! I can't imagine that I would ever want the money enough (if I were left it all) that I would happily (greedily even?) keep it all in favour or trying to heal my sisters hurt feelings.

From a personal perspective my DF recently had a conversation with me about an asset that was bought with money that could technically be construed as would have been my inheritance - I told him to just split it evenly between me and my sister, assuming he had been fretting about whether it should be left 100% to me, as I didn't feel that it would worth the fall out if she felt hard done by on this decision.

At the very least they should have given OP the head’s up and given their reasons rather than blindsiding her.

I don’t think this just about the parents. It’s also about the sibling relationship, it’s against any sistership principles and if a sibling prioritised money over me they would lose me as a sibling.

I am sorry, I should get out more, but in the meantime I rely on the words and works of the great writers and philosophers - Friedrich Dürrenmat - he said if you get any random person, regular person off the street and lock them up in a police cell without any specific charge and leave them there, in a while this person will realise what was the wrong he committed for which he should be sentenced.

Basically, we are all guilty of something, some of us just bury it more effectively.

The bad guys in this situation are your parents who did this, died, and left you to feel like this. But your sister is a massive xxxx too. I hope you're okay because it's really shite.

Where does OP say who died first?

It’s so bizarre that there must be a reason. I bet your sister knows the reason, ask her. Knowing the reason will give you more peace. Is it your partner? Or have you challenges with addiction?

Is there a reason why your parents decided on this unequal split? I can't imagine any parent would do this unless they had a very valid reason.

Nothing splits a family like inheritance.

My grandmother left her entire estate to her eldest daughter, leaving the remaining two daughters with very small bequests. Her reasoning, apparently, was that the eldest daughter was a widow and the other two had husbands...

It divided the family for YEARS. My brother and I (who each got 50% of our parents' estate) were talking about this only the other day - how when families fall out it's quite often over money.

If the reason is simply that the parents preferred the sister, is it right to honour that preference? Not all wishes should be honoured, imo
Parents usually have reasons to prefer a sibling when they do.

I just can't believe as OP is stating there are no reasons at all. It makes no sense.