Unbalanced Inheritance Division

Did she spend more time with them? Do more caring in the later years? I’m struggling to understand the difference and would be so upset and angry too. Although it’s easy to say you’d rectify it if it were the other way round - you don’t know how you’d be in the actual situation!

It depends how you look at it/your own standards.
Some might view it as coldly transactional, however it would be very difficult to maintain an authentic loving relationship with your parents, long term, that was purely transactional. Arguably, the inability to be authentic is why uneven splits occur...
For others, its natural mutual care/appreciation, borne of a lifetime of love.

This is shocking.

Is she the older one?
Is it possible that the will was done a long time ago and your situations were very different then?

Are you a lesbian or can’t have kids?
Do you have a partner they didn’t like?

Who cared for them when they were elderly/ill?

Think yourself lucky you got £40k.

My mother left £170k to my sister, me and my 2 brothers got nothing at all.

She was a bitch when she was alive and she was a bitch when she died. I’m just sorry I wasted so much time trying to gain her approval.

But I’m not bitter, I’ve had therapy (which I had to pay for 🤣)

Your parents have basically kicked you in the face and your sister has backed them up. I’d cut ties as well.

Could your parents have seen you as irresponsible with money (whether or not you are)? Do you have a partner that they would disapprove of that they wanted to avoid their money going to?

In the novel A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian the main character struggles with an unfair will. From memory, over the course of the book she comes to realise that her and her sisters upbringings were very very different (despite being in the same family) and that the terms of the will try to make up for that

Apologies if I've missed this but do you or your sister have children/grandchildren. Could this have been a factor in the split?

again, unless someone has severe medical need, I can't find a single reason why you would play favourite like that. I am sure they would find justification why there's a golden child and an after thought, but it's not right.

You might want to pay back money you borrowed, but you should at least be honest about that, it's obvious the other children will be hurt if they dont' know.

You can't imagine it. But can you imagine that it has happened with as little reason as the OP suggests? There is more to this, and its a very exaggerated split, so no way was there not some serious thinking behind it. Someone has done something, or already received something, or... who knows? Not you or I. On that basis the say should go to those who do know why: the parents.

I would want to know what your sister says is the reason for the difference. Did she look after your parents? Ultimately I think what the reason really was would affect whether I wanted to stay in touch. There must have been a reason for it and it is up to you to judge whether it is fair or not.

I suspect @Stilson is probably aware. Otherwise, why would you silently fume? If it was an entire mystery, you would assume foul play and thus investigate. Silently fuming suggests disgruntled knowledge.

I don't know, I am not very comfortable at the idea of "paying" my kids for looking after me.

I am not comfortable with a child sacrificing their lives to care after me either to be fair.

Your full of it. Of course there's a back story, you just want to elicit sympathy, hence not sharing.

That's terrible. I suspect there was a conversation between your sister and parents when they were vulnerable and made some spurious case which they didn't fully think through.

I'd definitely cut ties, that's terrible behaviour I could not forgive.

Firstly, people can leave their estate to whoever they choose,unequally between children or to the cats home.Its their prerogative (unless dependent minor children are involved).
Having said that ,in the situation you describe i can see why you are upset and feel its unfair.
Have you any idea why your parents did split their estate unequally?
I think an explanation of why this was done could be important.

I hope you do break contact. That'll save your poor sister from having such an ungrateful sibling!

On threads like these, I always imagine those who are horrified by uneven splits are living the 'dream' of decent siblings!
In my extended family, there is a similar example of an uneven split whereupon the child receiving the largest share spent a decade of their life caring and supporting, whilst the other gave a cursory visit once a month.

The golden child theory is complex too. I've known of a few people who considered themselves unfavoured, and in general all of these cases involved 'unfavoured' people whose relationship with their parents suffered due to their approach to their parents, and not the other way around. Often, people prone to jealousy. "They always favoured my brother/sister anyway" can be a convenient excuse for uninterested adult children.

I can't imagine getting 80% of my parents estate, and smirk at my siblings saying "it's their wish, get over it".

Otherwise what is the point of the will?
The will is not there to stop people to do whatever they want with their share.

but in general, if this happened, I would be seriously wondering whether the sister had coerced her parents, or even had a new will drawn up, telling them that it just tidied up a few trivial legal details, and got them to sign it - maybe with failing eyesight, cognitive deterioration, signs of dementia or whatever.

Absolutely a possibility. It’s not uncommon. It happened in my family. And also to the parents of an old friend.

Money does funny things to people.

I never much like reading posts where every sentence has its own separate paragraph. Is this a new thing, or what?

Thats sounds really hurtful OP unless there's some massive backstory like she was your parents carer or made much more of an effort with them.

However I help care for my Mum and do alot of day to day stuff with her, make sure I see her several times a week, sort her shopping, invite her round for dinner, take her out on day trips, bring her on holiday and take her to appointments, compared to my brothers who only see her a few times a year. However as far as I know she intends to split her inheritance equally between myself and my brothers and if she didn't, I probably would (unless it was nominal like 40/30/30 but I'd definitely put things right if it was 80/10/10).

I can't believe parents would do this sort of thing without explaination though, all it does is leave resentment, leaving them to hash it out between themselves and children who feel unloved.

yes this - a friend of mine discovered her DM had left her, admittedly small, estate to 2 out the 3 DC - luckily she was executor, and one of the favoured two - so the two of them just agreed to keep quiet and split it three ways. the third sibling never knew.

your sister is not a decent human being @Stilson

It’s not just about the will of the parents it’s also about the choice of her sister.

I’d never prioritise money over my siblings because it’s patently unfair. Of course DSIS has the choice to right thé perceived wrong. If she chooses not to and prioritise money over her sibling that’s fine, but OP has the choice to react accordingly.

Nobody decided on that split without having a reason. It's not an oversight. On that basis, if I were your sister, I'd honour the parents wishes. Otherwise what is the point of the will? You can say there is no reason... but there is.

There absolutely has to be a different side to this, but in the absence of that and on your scant background alone, then YANBU.