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AIBU?

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Original poster

Unbalanced Inheritance Division

265 replies

Stilson · 15/09/2026 09:26

I'll keep it brief, my parents both died some time ago, and I can't get over this.

The estate was split with 20% going to me and 80% to my sister. She gets £160k I get £40k.

Both about the same age, both been a part of the family equally, she is wealthier than me by a large margin.

I want to cut all ties as she refuses to balance out the amounts, even a 60:40 split.

We're it the other way round I would be uncomfortable with the settlements and would rectify it, she won't.

AIBU?

OP posts:
bafta16 · 16/09/2026 10:08

Trust me, it's not about money.

Years later still struggling.

It's one of the worst hurts.

Original poster
Stilson · 16/09/2026 08:51

Dear All.

This thread blew up, thank you for all the comments.

This will be my last post.

I reiterate I know of no reason the split in the will is like this. I asked my DS to rectify the situation gently without threats.

For my sanity and to prevent unwanted feelings of resentment or jealousy I will gently disengage.

If asked in the future why, I will respond honestly but I'm not going to make a big thing of it.

I will instead put my energies and focus into my projects and hobbies that I enjoy.

Thanks again for all the comments wether, positive, negative, supportive or not, all were read.

Stay safe.

Stilson

OP posts:
Additup · 15/09/2026 23:24

Cotopaxi · 15/09/2026 17:23

Unless they had mirror wills, then this isn't 'parents' it is 'one parent'. The one who passed away second.

That's a really good point that hasn't been addressed by the OP.

Which one of your parents died last and had the 20/80 split OP? The split might have nothing to do with your other parent and that may help you work out why the parent who died last didn't give you and your sister equal shares.

JustSayyNo · 15/09/2026 22:46

I can't imagine there isn't a reason. Did your sister provide a lot of care for your parents in the later years while you didn't? Could they be paying her for her time with that?

DewDropsAndCobWebs · 15/09/2026 21:37

Each is equally allowing money to divide them.
OP because she feels she should have more, dispute the actual will and parents wishes, and would give up a relationship for that, and the sister for not redistributing a bit more fairly.
Clearly there were issues before the parents passed away, they chose to make the will this way for a reason, even if op never states what it was.

mrsm43s · 15/09/2026 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Any reason you're being rude?
It's fine to have differing opinions, but not fine to speak to prople like this.

Aluna · 15/09/2026 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Petrolitis · 15/09/2026 21:18

Stilson · 15/09/2026 09:26

I'll keep it brief, my parents both died some time ago, and I can't get over this.

The estate was split with 20% going to me and 80% to my sister. She gets £160k I get £40k.

Both about the same age, both been a part of the family equally, she is wealthier than me by a large margin.

I want to cut all ties as she refuses to balance out the amounts, even a 60:40 split.

We're it the other way round I would be uncomfortable with the settlements and would rectify it, she won't.

AIBU?

I would balance it up if it were my siblings.

Your parents are a disgrace, if there is no reason behind their decision then this is a disgusting, hurtful, damaging thing to do to their child.

If your sister loved you, she would put it right but her greed is greater than her love, so you should let her go.

Sorry you have been out in this awful position.

AMillionPeopleCheering · 15/09/2026 21:13

It sounds very unfair, but unlikely to have come out of the blue? I know my brother is the golden child so when DM dies I know most, if not all, will go to him.

Are you sure you don't know why? I'm not saying the 'why' is reasonable or fair, just that there must have been some hint in the decades before that this would happen.

blackhorsesxx · 15/09/2026 21:05

F

mrsm43s · 15/09/2026 20:49

Aluna · 15/09/2026 20:22

This is entirely performative. Why would anyone value a relationship with someone who values money over them? MN always says people show you who they are. If OP wants to protect her boundaries and doesn’t want to have to re-experience the hurt of her parent’s and sister’s values and betrayal that’s ok.

Bitterly trying to twist it to use it against the OP for your ends is hypocritical.

Show quote history

Nope. Both sisters think the money is more important than their relationship with each other. OP doesn't have to try to get her sister to hand over chunks of money she's not entitled to, and OP's sister could choose to gift OP a large chunk of money if she chose to. Neither sister are prioritising the relationship with the other over money. They are equal in that respect.

Aluna · 15/09/2026 20:22

mrsm43s · 15/09/2026 20:05

And OP is also valuing money over her relationship with her DSIS. She's literally cutting her off because she won't give OP a huge chunk of money she's not entitled to. If OP valued her relationship with her sister she'd just accept that she's only entitled to what was left to her in the will and move on.

Show quote history

This is entirely performative. Why would anyone value a relationship with someone who values money over them? MN always says people show you who they are. If OP wants to protect her boundaries and doesn’t want to have to re-experience the hurt of her parent’s and sister’s values and betrayal that’s ok.

Bitterly trying to twist it to use it against the OP for your ends is hypocritical.

AutumnLover1999 · 15/09/2026 20:09

mrsm43s · 15/09/2026 20:05

And OP is also valuing money over her relationship with her DSIS. She's literally cutting her off because she won't give OP a huge chunk of money she's not entitled to. If OP valued her relationship with her sister she'd just accept that she's only entitled to what was left to her in the will and move on.

Show quote history

Look at it the other way. The other sister would rather the money it seems,even if the unfairness of it all is destroying her sister 😔

mrsm43s · 15/09/2026 20:05

Aluna · 15/09/2026 18:17

No it can’t.

DSIS prioritised money over her. OP sees her priorities and values and recalibrates her boundaries accordingly. Absolutely fair.

Show quote history

And OP is also valuing money over her relationship with her DSIS. She's literally cutting her off because she won't give OP a huge chunk of money she's not entitled to. If OP valued her relationship with her sister she'd just accept that she's only entitled to what was left to her in the will and move on.

ridingfreely · 15/09/2026 18:51

Just to say OP I know how this feels and it harder than most can appreciate if they haven’t been in this situation. Sending love your way. It’s a really tough hand to be dealt

Aluna · 15/09/2026 18:17

InterIgnis · 15/09/2026 17:56

The same can be said for OP.

Wills don’t have to be fair. They’ve distributed their money in the way they saw fit to do so. OP isn’t being denied anything that is rightfully hers.

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No it can’t.

DSIS prioritised money over her. OP sees her priorities and values and recalibrates her boundaries accordingly. Absolutely fair.

InterIgnis · 15/09/2026 17:56

AutumnLover1999 · 15/09/2026 15:23

Agreed. Depends if the sister values the money more than a relationship with her sister I guess. The ball is in her court to fix this. I'd be very hurt too in your shoes 😔

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The same can be said for OP.

Wills don’t have to be fair. They’ve distributed their money in the way they saw fit to do so. OP isn’t being denied anything that is rightfully hers.

Ifeelold48 · 15/09/2026 17:47

AutumnLover1999 · 15/09/2026 15:47

And the sister can rectify the situation if she wanted to.

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She doesnt have to. Their parents made their wishes clear. Its hurtful. I totally understand @Stilson being hurt that her parents did this and feeling like she wasn't as loved or cared for. Her parents final act was very hurtful and divisive but it was their money to do with as they wished.

joelcreasey · 15/09/2026 17:36

bafta16 · 15/09/2026 16:08

My sibling whispered in the ear of a parent and got a huge amount of money. He cleverly had plotted his way by making himself lead POA.
So there is grief, and hurt and estrangement. A last insult from those departed.

It's the pits.

Beautifully expressed.

unless it’s happened to you or someone close I think it’s hard to understand the impact of all of those feeling combined.

Cotopaxi · 15/09/2026 17:23

Unless they had mirror wills, then this isn't 'parents' it is 'one parent'. The one who passed away second.

Jaffaisitacakeorbiscuit · 15/09/2026 16:58

Were you or your sister aware of the inheritance split prior to your parent’s demise? Or were you both expecting an equal division.

foursquares · 15/09/2026 16:31

AutumnLover1999 · 15/09/2026 16:11

You're coming across very nasty here. Are you the sister? 🤦🙄

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She broke off contact because he sibling didn't give her money...

AutumnLover1999 · 15/09/2026 16:11

foursquares · 15/09/2026 14:51

Blaming parents for your nastiness...

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You're coming across very nasty here. Are you the sister? 🤦🙄

bafta16 · 15/09/2026 16:10

Longleaf · 15/09/2026 15:49

She could but she may also be feeling an obligation to honour the parents' wishes.

Or this could all be nonsense because we must be talking about one parent's will.

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Ah yes the old " It's what they wanted" line.

bafta16 · 15/09/2026 16:08

My sibling whispered in the ear of a parent and got a huge amount of money. He cleverly had plotted his way by making himself lead POA.
So there is grief, and hurt and estrangement. A last insult from those departed.

It's the pits.