Page 2 | To move DS1's school to avoid him getting excluded?

stuckntired · 2026-09-14T19:14:23+00:00

I honestly dont know what to do anymore. DS1 and DS2 have just turned 15 a few weeks ago and are in year 11 and school are now talking about exclusion. I feel sick even writing that because its GCSE year and things have got so bad. Ive tried everything I can think of and nothing seems to make any difference DS1 and DS2 are identical twins and they are very close. They dont really have friends apart from each other which used to worry me but now I actually think its making things worse. They are together all the time. They go out together sit in their room together game together and if one gets into trouble the other one is normally there making it worse. They dont seem to have anyone else to answer to really. Its just them When they started year 7 DS1 was bright and a bit of a smart arse if Im honest. He could be cheeky and answer back but teachers liked him and he was actually interested in his work. He was good at maths and science and I remember being told he had loads of potential. DS2 was always more difficult and has always liked attention. He would mess about for a laugh and get other children going but it wasnt anything that seemed that serious then. They were both annoying at times but I never thought we would get to this It got worse in year 8 then worse again in year 9. More detentions more arguments more emails home. DS2 was usually the one starting things and DS1 would sometimes tell him to stop but then he started joining in instead. I kept thinking they would grow out of it. Now they are in year 11 and they are both a nightmare in school. They talk over teachers make noises shout things out laugh when they are told off and refuse to do basic things. They argue about everything and take up so much teacher time. There have been detentions and isolations and now they are talking about exclusion They both walk out of lessons if they dont like what they are being told. They have refused to hand their phones over and DS2 has sworn at teachers. DS1 has started doing it too. They wind each other up and then laugh about it. If one gets sent out the other will usually start making comments or laughing. They have been put in isolation more than once. The school keeps saying they cant keep taking teachers away from lessons to deal with them and I do understand that but I dont know how Ive ended up with two boys who think this is funny. They dont seem to care about consequences at all DS1 is what really gets me because he was the bright one. He doesnt even do his homework anymore. If he gets good feedback or a good grade he used to get really pleased with himself but now DS2 makes comments about him being a teachers pet or being up the teachers arse and all sorts. DS1 used to get annoyed but now he laughs with him. If a teacher says something positive about DS1 DS2 will make some comment about him thinking hes clever. He seems to hate his brother doing well and I think DS1 has started avoiding doing anything that makes him stand out because of it. Its horrible because I know he can do better I have asked school if they can put them in different classes because I think they need separating but they are both bottom set for a lot of subjects so its not really possible. Moving one up would mean putting him in a set he isnt working at and school cant just move him up to separate them. They also picked exactly the same options for GCSE which Im now thinking was probably because they wanted to be together all the time. At the time I didnt think anything of it. On Friday they had a supply teacher who didnt know them and apparently they kept swapping places and saying they were each other. She couldnt work out who was who and eventually had to call the HOY because they wouldnt stop. They thought it was hilarious At home they are awful as well. If I ask them to do anything I get why or you cant make me and then it can go straight into swearing. They leave plates upstairs and rubbish everywhere and neither of them will do anything unless I ask over and over. They stay up gaming when they have been told to go to bed. If I take one phone the other one suddenly says its his or hides it. They both vape even though I keep taking them away. A few months ago I found out DS2 was smoking cigarettes as well. He denied it at first then basically said it was only a few. When they are grounded they just go anyway. They have climbed out of a downstairs window before because I wouldnt let them out They are also causing trouble around the estate. They go out together and there have been complaints about banging on doors throwing eggs kicking bins shouting through letterboxes riding electric bikes where they shouldnt and going into peoples gardens. They have thrown stones at a garage door and apparently filmed some of it. I have defended them before because I thought people were blaming them for things other kids had done but Ive since found out they actually were involved in some of it. DS2 seems to enjoy getting a reaction from people and DS1 goes along with it. I dont know why they think this is funny DS2 and girls is another thing Im really struggling with. He has always liked attention but the things Ive been told recently are not something I can just put down to being immature. He makes comments about girls bodies and has apparently carried on talking to girls after theyve told him to leave them alone. Hes shown messages from girls to other boys and one girl blocked him and he thought it was hilarious. Ive spoken to him about boundaries and consent and he tells me everyone is too sensitive and that it was a joke. DS1 has sometimes been there laughing too. Another thing I found out was DS2 took a girls bag from outside a classroom and passed it to another boy because they thought it was funny watching her look for it. She was crying apparently. I was absolutely horrified Today I had another phone call from school. DS2 had an energy drink in class and when the teacher tried to take it off him he just walked out. DS1 followed him and they were running around the corridors laughing and refusing to come back. They were both put into isolation for the rest of the week. The problem is theres only one isolation room so school are now trying to work out something else because apparently putting them together defeats the point. They said they need to separate them somehow Im seriously thinking about trying to move DS1 to another school. I feel like he needs getting away from DS2 before he throws everything away as well. Hes august born so Ive even wondered if I could ask if he could start year 10 again but I dont know if thats completely ridiculous. I know hes 15 and should make his own choices but I honestly think being together constantly is making both of them worse. They have no friends apart from each other and just egg each other on. Ive asked various people for help and dont seem to be getting anywhere. Im starting to worry about what theyll be like in a few years. Ive actually had a nightmare about them both being in prison which sounds dramatic but thats honestly where my head is at now

Timeforachange26 · 16/09/2026 11:37

DearCritic · 15/09/2026 17:07

I don’t think it matters if they’ve shown interest. They’re the exact type of boys where cadets could be the making of them. The majority of cadets will be a good influence. Will be great for them. If they want phones, XBOX, etc…. Then they go to cadets. No fighting them, if they don’t go, then no tech. Simple rules.
Do something whilst you still have some control over them.

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Hardly fair on the cadets who want to take part and can behave themselves. And they are getting quite old for it now. Most start at 13. I doubt cadets would keep them if they didn't behave or put in a bit of work

Original poster

stuckntired · 16/09/2026 10:45

Agapornis · 16/09/2026 10:11

Contact the local shops and get them banned? An unfriendly word from a police officer?

I know you're exasperated and want to let off steam, but you're being negative and saying no to quite a lot of advice from here.

I dont know how Id just get them banned from the shops tbh. If they were actually caught stealing then yes Im sure the shop would ban them anyway but I havent got any evidence they stole anything. They could have got the milkshakes from somewhere else although neither had any money so I dont know

I suppose I could go round asking shops about them but I dont think theyd ban them based on me saying I think they might have stolen something

The police have been into school before and done assemblies about things like county lines and knife crime and all that. They didnt really care though they just came home laughing about it and saying it was boring

I could report things to the police but I honestly dont think it would do much for my relationship with them at this point or even necessarily achieve anything. They laughed when I said theyd get arrested yesterday so Im not sure another lecture is going to suddenly make them listen

And I dont actually know for definite that they stole the milkshakes. They didnt have any money and they wouldnt tell me where they got them from but thats not proof they stole them either. I dont want to accuse them of things I cant actually prove

OP posts:

Agapornis · 16/09/2026 10:11

Contact the local shops and get them banned? An unfriendly word from a police officer?

I know you're exasperated and want to let off steam, but you're being negative and saying no to quite a lot of advice from here.

TheJuryIsOut · 16/09/2026 10:11

stuckntired · 16/09/2026 10:08

I took DS2s phone off him when he got home but he was arguing about it and then him and DS1 were both looking around for it to try and get it back. I took DS1s phone as well in the end because I wasnt having them both carrying on

Then they both went out anyway. They came back with 2 bottles of milkshake and when I asked where theyd got them from they just ignored me. I asked if theyd stolen them considering neither of them had any money and DS2 said it was none of my business

I said it would be my business when they get arrested and they just laughed and went upstairs

This morning theyve both been complaining about their phones and asking when theyre getting them back. They ended up leaving late as well so theyll probably have been late to school. I honestly dont know what else to do with them

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They can complain as much as they want but the more they defy you (going out when not allowed and possibly stealing) then the longer it's going to be before they get them back.

I'd be tempted to empty their room while they're at school, take everything but their beds, bed clothes and a few outfits. They can earn their stuff back day by day as they prove to you that they are going to respect and listen to you.

Original poster

stuckntired · 16/09/2026 10:08

TheJuryIsOut · 15/09/2026 23:26

So what's happened at home as a result of DS2s behaviour at school today?

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I took DS2s phone off him when he got home but he was arguing about it and then him and DS1 were both looking around for it to try and get it back. I took DS1s phone as well in the end because I wasnt having them both carrying on

Then they both went out anyway. They came back with 2 bottles of milkshake and when I asked where theyd got them from they just ignored me. I asked if theyd stolen them considering neither of them had any money and DS2 said it was none of my business

I said it would be my business when they get arrested and they just laughed and went upstairs

This morning theyve both been complaining about their phones and asking when theyre getting them back. They ended up leaving late as well so theyll probably have been late to school. I honestly dont know what else to do with them

OP posts:

Agapornis · 16/09/2026 09:52

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 17:55

Their dad isnt involved at all and there isnt anyone else who could have either of them unfortunately. Its just me

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This might be more important than you think. Boys/young men lacking a trusted male figure in their life often feel that most in their teens. Have you looked up boys' mentorship programmes? This is for London but there's very likely to be one near you

https://www.london.gov.uk/programmes-strategies/education-and-youth/young-londoners/new-deal-young-people/find-or-become-mentor-young-people

Find or become a mentor for young people

Whether you're looking for a mentor or want to become one, find the right opportunity for you.

https://www.london.gov.uk/programmes-strategies/education-and-youth/young-londoners/new-deal-young-people/find-or-become-mentor-young-people

Agapornis · 16/09/2026 09:46

he should be allowed to do PE instead.
So PE is still important to him. You mentioned school football, but he could easily join your local football or another sports club. It sounds like he really needs it.

Neither of them have shown any interest in cadets tbh and I dont think forcing them to go would be very productive for anyone. Theyd probably spend the whole time moaning and refusing to join in and Id be back where I started
You won't know until you try. They might not even know it exists. Their whole life seems to revolve around school, you need to frame it as doing something new outside school.

Life does not end with bad GCSE grades, and you need to show them opportunities and life beyond school.

ProudCat · 16/09/2026 07:02

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 20:25

The HOY rang earlier to tell me how today went with them both being kept separate in isolation

DS2 was in the isolation room and DS1 was in the library meant to be doing some coursework on the computer. Apparently DS1 kept trying to get onto YouTube and was arguing that he needed it for research. He was messing about a bit but he did eventually get on with what he was meant to be doing and SLT checked what hed done and said it was actually a good standard of work

DS2 was completely the opposite. He spent most of the morning complaining about being bored and saying it was unfair that he was in isolation because he hadnt actually done anything. He then walked out and went to find the HOY to argue his case about why he shouldnt be in isolation and why he should be allowed to do PE instead. Obviously he didnt get the answer he wanted so he walked off again and eventually went back into isolation

Apparently he hasnt actually done any work all day. Just complained and argued about being there. I asked what he thought he was supposed to be doing and he just said he was being punished for nothing

The HOY wants another meeting with me now. Im not surprised but I honestly dont know what else we are going to say that we havent already said about them. DS1 at least showed today that he can still actually do the work when he decides to. Thats what makes all of this even more frustrating because I know there is still something there with him

I dont know what they are going to suggest this time but I suppose Ill have to go and find out

OK. There are a few things you've said that are red flags for me.

Let's call isolation rooms reflection rooms, how have the school only got 1? If there's an issue between students, where are they both meant to go?

The boys leave lessons and wander about in the corridors, how? There's people on duty in the corridors for this exact reason. The boys don't listen to them? Seriously? I work in THE toughest school in the area for about 25 miles and the kids still do as they're told by pastoral in the corridors. A little thing we like to call respect because we spend hours building those relationships. And yes, as a 5ft 3" woman nearing 60 I can still get the 6ft 3" lads to do what they're meant to be doing.

This bit is really interesting: one of your sons used to have a productive relationship with a PE teacher and things were better then, but the PE teacher left and now it's all gone to shit. Why? Because there is no other teacher that the kid trusts. The HOY doesn't seem to have enough time because they're also teaching, where's their assistant HOY or whatever? Like we have teaching HOYs but we know the job's too big so we also have assistant HOYs. Where's the principle in all of this? Where's the assistant principle? The form tutor(s)?

Sounds as if the kids have been put on behaviour reports and then what next? What's the next step after the behaviour report? Because it feels like this next step should have happened in Y8.

Sorry, but you can fault the school (and I say this as a teacher who repeatedly deals with parents who are faulting us for no good reason). Education has been saying for at least the last 10 years that all behaviour is communication. Do the school have any idea what your boys are communicating?

TheJuryIsOut · 15/09/2026 23:26

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 20:25

The HOY rang earlier to tell me how today went with them both being kept separate in isolation

DS2 was in the isolation room and DS1 was in the library meant to be doing some coursework on the computer. Apparently DS1 kept trying to get onto YouTube and was arguing that he needed it for research. He was messing about a bit but he did eventually get on with what he was meant to be doing and SLT checked what hed done and said it was actually a good standard of work

DS2 was completely the opposite. He spent most of the morning complaining about being bored and saying it was unfair that he was in isolation because he hadnt actually done anything. He then walked out and went to find the HOY to argue his case about why he shouldnt be in isolation and why he should be allowed to do PE instead. Obviously he didnt get the answer he wanted so he walked off again and eventually went back into isolation

Apparently he hasnt actually done any work all day. Just complained and argued about being there. I asked what he thought he was supposed to be doing and he just said he was being punished for nothing

The HOY wants another meeting with me now. Im not surprised but I honestly dont know what else we are going to say that we havent already said about them. DS1 at least showed today that he can still actually do the work when he decides to. Thats what makes all of this even more frustrating because I know there is still something there with him

I dont know what they are going to suggest this time but I suppose Ill have to go and find out

So what's happened at home as a result of DS2s behaviour at school today?

Ohnobackagain · 15/09/2026 22:04

@stuckntired have you had any conversation with the pair of them that asks them what they think their lives will look like when everyone washes their hands of them? Pretty miserable. Have they thought about any of that? What do they think they will get?

RedToothBrush · 15/09/2026 21:34

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 20:25

The HOY rang earlier to tell me how today went with them both being kept separate in isolation

DS2 was in the isolation room and DS1 was in the library meant to be doing some coursework on the computer. Apparently DS1 kept trying to get onto YouTube and was arguing that he needed it for research. He was messing about a bit but he did eventually get on with what he was meant to be doing and SLT checked what hed done and said it was actually a good standard of work

DS2 was completely the opposite. He spent most of the morning complaining about being bored and saying it was unfair that he was in isolation because he hadnt actually done anything. He then walked out and went to find the HOY to argue his case about why he shouldnt be in isolation and why he should be allowed to do PE instead. Obviously he didnt get the answer he wanted so he walked off again and eventually went back into isolation

Apparently he hasnt actually done any work all day. Just complained and argued about being there. I asked what he thought he was supposed to be doing and he just said he was being punished for nothing

The HOY wants another meeting with me now. Im not surprised but I honestly dont know what else we are going to say that we havent already said about them. DS1 at least showed today that he can still actually do the work when he decides to. Thats what makes all of this even more frustrating because I know there is still something there with him

I dont know what they are going to suggest this time but I suppose Ill have to go and find out

This tells you everything you need to know.

No more dicking about for either of them.

The consequences of their behaviour is they are separated.

DS1 has a choice. Either knuckle down or let his brother fuck him up and then he will forever end up resenting him in the long term. Their relationship will forever broken when he finally wakes up and realises.

DS2 has a choice. He stays in isolation on his own terms or ends up in a different school. He can be a big baby about not getting his own way or he can screw up his own life because of his own insecurities. But he doesnt get given the opportunity to take down his brother too in the process. Because it will eventually break their relationship. His challenge is to knuckle down and prove he's not a waste of space he's demonstrating himself to be which has got fuck all to do with how good or bad he is compared to his brother and has everything to do with his own shitty attitude.

But clearly they need separating and the school seem to be recognising this. Tbh it sounds as if this will be the conclusion they come to in the meeting. I wouldn't be surprised if No2 is given the boot but No1 is given a last chance.

Don't let 2 screw up 1.

fashionqueen0123 · 15/09/2026 21:19

Move DS2 then. Don’t let DS1 muck up because of his brother. I wouldn’t move him as he may need to redo coursework etc with different exam boards or subjects. Keep him there as it sounds like he can work when needed.
Or DS2 must he put in separate classes from him all of the time. And when he’s behaved he can come out of isolation.

Mookie81 · 15/09/2026 21:11

UnbeatenMum · 14/09/2026 20:33

Have you thought about ADHD at all? It sounds like a good idea to move one but at 15 you need them onside, otherwise you could end up with both of them out of education. Have you discussed it with either of them?

Oh for fuck's sake!!!!

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 21:07

OP could you contact your local police force?

ACatNamedRobin · 15/09/2026 21:05

RedToothBrush · 15/09/2026 18:51

DS2 has insecurity issues because of DS1. So he dicks about to get DS1 to fail and make himself feel bigger. He is deliberately trying to undermine DS1's confidence. DS1 is being a wet lettuce who is more bothered about image than getting the fuck on with it

Perhaps go in and say it out loud and tell them to prove otherwise.

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This OP

Youve got nothing to lose.

Sussexserpents · 15/09/2026 20:46

If SLT have evidence that ds1 can work to a good standard - perhaps they could suggest he does a managed move to another local school. They could plead his case that he can work well when he wants and he is predicted decent grades already

Original poster

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 20:25

The HOY rang earlier to tell me how today went with them both being kept separate in isolation

DS2 was in the isolation room and DS1 was in the library meant to be doing some coursework on the computer. Apparently DS1 kept trying to get onto YouTube and was arguing that he needed it for research. He was messing about a bit but he did eventually get on with what he was meant to be doing and SLT checked what hed done and said it was actually a good standard of work

DS2 was completely the opposite. He spent most of the morning complaining about being bored and saying it was unfair that he was in isolation because he hadnt actually done anything. He then walked out and went to find the HOY to argue his case about why he shouldnt be in isolation and why he should be allowed to do PE instead. Obviously he didnt get the answer he wanted so he walked off again and eventually went back into isolation

Apparently he hasnt actually done any work all day. Just complained and argued about being there. I asked what he thought he was supposed to be doing and he just said he was being punished for nothing

The HOY wants another meeting with me now. Im not surprised but I honestly dont know what else we are going to say that we havent already said about them. DS1 at least showed today that he can still actually do the work when he decides to. Thats what makes all of this even more frustrating because I know there is still something there with him

I dont know what they are going to suggest this time but I suppose Ill have to go and find out

OP posts:

GreenHuia · 15/09/2026 20:06

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 17:27

I dont really think its ADHD with DS2. Hes always liked attention good or bad and if people laugh or he gets a reaction out of someone thats usually enough for him.

He didnt struggle academically either really. He was in a lower set for some things than DS1 but he wasnt bottom set or anything like that. DS1 was just ahead academically. DS1 liked maths and science and actually wanted to know things whereas DS2 never really enjoyed those subjects as much. He liked PE and music more and especially practical science where he could actually do something rather than sit and write about it

They arent actually the same academically even though theyre identical. I know people assume twins should be similar but theyve always been quite different in that respect. DS2 isnt stupid he just stopped trying more and more and now obviously the behaviour has made it worse

School have DS1 predicted around 4s and 5s at the moment. He should be capable of higher but his effort has really dropped off. DS2 is mostly predicted 3s and 4s Maths and English are both looking like 3s at the moment which is obviously worrying this close to exams

I dont think either of them is going to suddenly start working properly unless something changes

I have wondered about getting DS2 assessed anyway but I honestly think a lot of this is that he likes attention and has learnt that winding people up gets him exactly that. I do agree with you about separating them though. I just dont know what the realistic way of doing that is this late on

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What you and the school are trying now isn't working, and no agencies want to help, so try thinking outside the box. I would try to find a couple of men who tended to get into trouble as teens but straightened themselves out as adults, who would be willing to take on a mentoring role. Perhaps a mechanic for DS1 and someone sports related (even just a regular gym member) for DS2, or whatever you think the boys would best respond to. Explain the situation, ask them to take the boys out maybe one weekend day and an evening a week (ideally not the same times for both so they get more of a break from each other), so they can tinker away at a car or go to the gym/box/play football together - offer to pay if necessary and you can afford it. Post on a local Facebook group, ask at school, ask friends or colleagues, whatever it takes. I've worked with a few men who made very questionable choices in their youth and honestly I think they would all want to help younger lads to get back on track.

RedToothBrush · 15/09/2026 18:51

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 17:27

I dont really think its ADHD with DS2. Hes always liked attention good or bad and if people laugh or he gets a reaction out of someone thats usually enough for him.

He didnt struggle academically either really. He was in a lower set for some things than DS1 but he wasnt bottom set or anything like that. DS1 was just ahead academically. DS1 liked maths and science and actually wanted to know things whereas DS2 never really enjoyed those subjects as much. He liked PE and music more and especially practical science where he could actually do something rather than sit and write about it

They arent actually the same academically even though theyre identical. I know people assume twins should be similar but theyve always been quite different in that respect. DS2 isnt stupid he just stopped trying more and more and now obviously the behaviour has made it worse

School have DS1 predicted around 4s and 5s at the moment. He should be capable of higher but his effort has really dropped off. DS2 is mostly predicted 3s and 4s Maths and English are both looking like 3s at the moment which is obviously worrying this close to exams

I dont think either of them is going to suddenly start working properly unless something changes

I have wondered about getting DS2 assessed anyway but I honestly think a lot of this is that he likes attention and has learnt that winding people up gets him exactly that. I do agree with you about separating them though. I just dont know what the realistic way of doing that is this late on

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DS2 has insecurity issues because of DS1. So he dicks about to get DS1 to fail and make himself feel bigger. He is deliberately trying to undermine DS1's confidence. DS1 is being a wet lettuce who is more bothered about image than getting the fuck on with it

Perhaps go in and say it out loud and tell them to prove otherwise.

Monvelo · 15/09/2026 18:19

I'm just thinking about my younger brother and what he was like at this age. He stayed just as bad until the age of 24 when he changed practically overnight. I really clearly remember my shock when I was visiting and he walked into the kitchen and had a proper chat, he was very personable, funny, mature. So i think don't under estimate the role of hormones and brain development. At this stage I think you're in damage limitation. How can they avoid getting kicked out as that will impact their futures. How can they scrape they've GCSEs. What do they want to do after? I think that's the critical thing. Supporting them to find what they want to do next. Then the now might be more if a necessary evil they can just put up with. Good luck op!

fashionqueen0123 · 15/09/2026 18:14

Don’t waste anymore time. Start calling schools tomorrow.

Original poster

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 17:55

PurpleLovecats · 15/09/2026 17:06

OP - where is their dad? I asked before but I haven’t seen an answer.
I would separate them and send one to dad or another family member?

Their dad isnt involved at all and there isnt anyone else who could have either of them unfortunately. Its just me

OP posts:

Original poster

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 17:27

Plasmal · 15/09/2026 16:55

Op perhaps it is adhd. Though usually that would be obvious younger.
Do either struggle with sitting still/concentrating/impulsivity?

it maybe worth getting a referral anyway as their behaviour is out of the norm.
especially if dc1 is clever then he should be doing well. Also i thought generally id twins would be similarly intelligent so the fact dc2 struggles more does suggest there is something.

Anyway whilst i am very sympathetic i do think they probably needed more strict parenting even if just to see if they can behave.
i cant imagine having tricky twins. My dc have asd/adhd and when they are together it is even worse than you describe. Just at the weekend both in the back of the car it was relentless! Thankfully they are several years apart.

I think you do need to separate them its doing them no good. Even if its dropping dc2 back a year.

But if they are bottom sets, what are their predictions are they even going to oass maths and English?

I dont really think its ADHD with DS2. Hes always liked attention good or bad and if people laugh or he gets a reaction out of someone thats usually enough for him.

He didnt struggle academically either really. He was in a lower set for some things than DS1 but he wasnt bottom set or anything like that. DS1 was just ahead academically. DS1 liked maths and science and actually wanted to know things whereas DS2 never really enjoyed those subjects as much. He liked PE and music more and especially practical science where he could actually do something rather than sit and write about it

They arent actually the same academically even though theyre identical. I know people assume twins should be similar but theyve always been quite different in that respect. DS2 isnt stupid he just stopped trying more and more and now obviously the behaviour has made it worse

School have DS1 predicted around 4s and 5s at the moment. He should be capable of higher but his effort has really dropped off. DS2 is mostly predicted 3s and 4s Maths and English are both looking like 3s at the moment which is obviously worrying this close to exams

I dont think either of them is going to suddenly start working properly unless something changes

I have wondered about getting DS2 assessed anyway but I honestly think a lot of this is that he likes attention and has learnt that winding people up gets him exactly that. I do agree with you about separating them though. I just dont know what the realistic way of doing that is this late on

OP posts:

cutitopen · 15/09/2026 17:18

It does matter if they point blank refuse to go. Tbh, it’s unlikely cadets will make much difference.

DearCritic · 15/09/2026 17:07

stuckntired · 15/09/2026 15:34

Neither of them have shown any interest in cadets tbh and I dont think forcing them to go would be very productive for anyone. Theyd probably spend the whole time moaning and refusing to join in and Id be back where I started

They did used to play football for the school team. It was behaviour dependent though because they were representing the school when they went to play other schools and tournaments so if they were on report or had been in trouble they wouldnt be allowed to go

DS2 quit after his favourite PE teacher left. He got on really well with him and actually seemed to enjoy football when he was there. DS1 stopped going not long after and said it was only enjoyable when DS2 was there anyway because he wasnt that interested in football himself

I couldnt really force DS1 to keep going because it was after school and he would just leave with DS2 anyway. Looking back maybe I should have tried harder with that sort of thing but at the time I didnt see it as something that would end up being important now

They dont get regular pocket money. I stopped that quite a while ago because they were just using money for things they shouldnt be having anyway

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I don’t think it matters if they’ve shown interest. They’re the exact type of boys where cadets could be the making of them. The majority of cadets will be a good influence. Will be great for them. If they want phones, XBOX, etc…. Then they go to cadets. No fighting them, if they don’t go, then no tech. Simple rules.
Do something whilst you still have some control over them.