AIBU to think my mum slapping me as a teenager was unacceptable?

20 years ago, Joey (Friends spin off) hit that kid and that was in progressive LA, and not even his kid, and the general assumption was that the kid had been indulged for far too long and that Joey was right.
Yes, it was a TV show from 2006, but the point was, gentle or permissive parenting was frowned upon, and many/most people saw nothing wrong with it. I don't have to agree with that to admit it was the case (just like I don't agree with capital punishment/allowing criminals to be hurt in prison to admit that a lot of people have a different opinion from me).

I am now 34yrs old, but have a memory from aged 13/14yrs old that I felt strongly was real for years - it was always brushed under the rug by my (now elderly) parents.

As a 13/14yr old teenager, I remember my mum (then working as a school teacher, driving me to school alongside her) pulling up in a supermarket car park at about 8:30am and slapping me hard in the face and telling me to 'shut the fuck up'.

I remember the car park, I remember the sting and the shock of the slap. I remember becoming completely silent.

I have brought it up with her numerous times, and she dismissed it, but finally today she admitted that she did slap me hard around the face - her explanation was that I was "a horrible, obnoxious teenager always making her late for work" and then also brushed it off talking about how much under stress she was under, it was a "one-off" etc, and how our dad (her husband) was also abusive and putting her under duress. Which I knew already, because you're not completely oblivious as a child...

But AIBU to think that this is completely unacceptable behaviour on her part? Why has she never acknowledged or apologised for this act? This has haunted me and it was the last thing I needed as a teenager already frightened of my dad, who was generally worse.
Does she deserve the benefit of the doubt? She did become quite emotional after confessing. But I'm honestly shocked it took her this long to admit to this.

Otherwise, she is a gentle, loving and compassionate lady, so I can't understand it all. Not sure how to address it further with her...

I’ve never hit my teenage daughter I’m delighted to say but it doesn’t mean that she didn’t deserve it on occasion.

No one deserved to be hit. Full stop.

@ByRoseSnake I don’t condone hitting any child, but that doesn’t take away the fact that you probably deserved it. Teenagers - especially girls - can be extremely horrid, to their mums in particular.

It was a one-off, you probably deserved it, and maybe there were other times you deserved it too but she didn’t hit you. So let it go. You’re an adult now and must understand that adults are only human and are not perfect!

I am now 34yrs old, but have a memory from aged 13/14yrs old that I felt strongly was real for years - it was always brushed under the rug by my (now elderly) parents.

As a 13/14yr old teenager, I remember my mum (then working as a school teacher, driving me to school alongside her) pulling up in a supermarket car park at about 8:30am and slapping me hard in the face and telling me to 'shut the fuck up'.

I remember the car park, I remember the sting and the shock of the slap. I remember becoming completely silent.

I have brought it up with her numerous times, and she dismissed it, but finally today she admitted that she did slap me hard around the face - her explanation was that I was "a horrible, obnoxious teenager always making her late for work" and then also brushed it off talking about how much under stress she was under, it was a "one-off" etc, and how our dad (her husband) was also abusive and putting her under duress. Which I knew already, because you're not completely oblivious as a child...

But AIBU to think that this is completely unacceptable behaviour on her part? Why has she never acknowledged or apologised for this act? This has haunted me and it was the last thing I needed as a teenager already frightened of my dad, who was generally worse.
Does she deserve the benefit of the doubt? She did become quite emotional after confessing. But I'm honestly shocked it took her this long to admit to this.

Otherwise, she is a gentle, loving and compassionate lady, so I can't understand it all. Not sure how to address it further with her...

I am now 34yrs old, but have a memory from aged 13/14yrs old that I felt strongly was real for years - it was always brushed under the rug by my (now elderly) parents.

As a 13/14yr old teenager, I remember my mum (then working as a school teacher, driving me to school alongside her) pulling up in a supermarket car park at about 8:30am and slapping me hard in the face and telling me to 'shut the fuck up'.

I remember the car park, I remember the sting and the shock of the slap. I remember becoming completely silent.

I have brought it up with her numerous times, and she dismissed it, but finally today she admitted that she did slap me hard around the face - her explanation was that I was "a horrible, obnoxious teenager always making her late for work" and then also brushed it off talking about how much under stress she was under, it was a "one-off" etc, and how our dad (her husband) was also abusive and putting her under duress. Which I knew already, because you're not completely oblivious as a child...

But AIBU to think that this is completely unacceptable behaviour on her part? Why has she never acknowledged or apologised for this act? This has haunted me and it was the last thing I needed as a teenager already frightened of my dad, who was generally worse.
Does she deserve the benefit of the doubt? She did become quite emotional after confessing. But I'm honestly shocked it took her this long to admit to this.

Otherwise, she is a gentle, loving and compassionate lady, so I can't understand it all. Not sure how to address it further with her...

@ByRoseSnake I don’t condone hitting any child, but that doesn’t take away the fact that you probably deserved it. Teenagers - especially girls - can be extremely horrid, to their mums in particular.

It was a one-off, you probably deserved it, and maybe there were other times you deserved it too but she didn’t hit you. So let it go. You’re an adult now and must understand that adults are only human and are not perfect!

Editing posts in embarassment is something you should consider

Whilst making belittling comments about PTSD yourself and editing it when you get embarrassed?

I have been a consultant psychiatrist for almost 30 years. The OP‘s childhood absolutely sounds abusive and I would not be surprised if she wasn’t left with symptoms of trauma, and her mother’s slap has become part of that picture. I never diagnose people on the Internet, but I would absolutely not dismiss the OP‘s childhood as something that could not cause PTSD or complex PTSD. We have moved on from thinking that you can only get PTSD from bombs and shootings.

There seem to be people on this thread claiming other posters are child abusers now and thinking that somehow wins the imaginary argument in their heads?

All because I asked people not to belittle PTSD?

Bloody hell I'm getting a drink

The only acceptable amount of violence is zero. No matter how much stress your mother was under, her hitting you was a dreadful thing for her to do. You were a child.

I'm amazed at all the people making excuses for your mum here and insinuating you somehow deserved it. I wonder how many of these abuse apologists have hit their own DCs and then blamed their children for their own shitty choices.

Why are you still bringing it up now though after all these years ? Do you want drama ? It is not a big deal to have one slap off your mum surely ?
let it go !

I have been a consultant psychiatrist for almost 30 years. The OP‘s childhood absolutely sounds abusive and I would not be surprised if she wasn’t left with symptoms of trauma, and her mother’s slap has become part of that picture. I never diagnose people on the Internet, but I would absolutely not dismiss the OP‘s childhood as something that could not cause PTSD or complex PTSD. We have moved on from thinking that you can only get PTSD from bombs and shootings.

Also, you edited this after personally attacking me.... quite impressive hypocrisy from someone claiming to be holier than thou