Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Got asked by work colleague if I’m autistic

30 replies

Botoxx · 14/09/2026 18:56

I don’t know how to respond or feel honestly. He said I’m very direct and tell it how it is, he said my mind works so uniquely that often I say things and he realises after that I was right.

For context I keep myself to myself. I’m polite but only talk to him and this other lady openly.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/09/2026 18:57

Just tell him to mind his own business

Original poster
Botoxx · 14/09/2026 18:58

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/09/2026 18:57

Just tell him to mind his own business

I feel embarrassed tho of how I’m coming across! No one else has said this to me ever. Of anything I’ve been described as too emotional! That’s opposite of autistic isn’t it? Or am I wrong

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/09/2026 18:59

Why is being autistic embarrassing? He wasn’t saying it as an insult and it’s not embarrassing to be neurodiverse. Autistic people can be emotional. I think you may be over thinking this a bit to be honest

Ponderingwindow · 14/09/2026 19:03

It is a bit of a personal question, but in general there is a move to openness. Many of my coworkers are “out”. I’m not, but anyone who works for me for any amount of time will know anyway. I’m mostly just haven’t had cause to make a declaration. If someone ever asked me I would just say yes and move on.

BillieWiper · 14/09/2026 19:04

I suppose tell him you're not if you're not, or if you don't want to tell him if you are or not just ignore the question.

You could remind him that 'people's medical diagnoses are private and it's not a good plan to suggest things you think others might be or have. It could be insulting or discriminatory.'

Mrcollinswave · 14/09/2026 19:05

Sounds like a compliment to me!

Original poster
Botoxx · 14/09/2026 19:06

I think I might be ND but I have no desire to get assessed tbh. But it could also be I come across like this to him due to my childhood trauma as apparently childhood trauma causes injury to a growing brain and your behaviour can look like Austism/ADHD. I don’t feel comfortable telling him this obviously. I just felt shocked as it was out of the blue.

OP posts:
SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 14/09/2026 19:07

You think you might be ND but you're embarrassed that someone asked if you are? Why?

euff · 14/09/2026 19:13

I think your mind working uniquely could be taken in different ways however he followed it up with realising you are often right. Maybe it’s easier for him to label you and provide a ‘reason’ for it.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/09/2026 19:15

I’ve been told numerous times by people that they think I am autistic. Never been diagnosed but pretty sure I’m not.

Its just become a “thing” which people are looking for.

By the way I am not saying autism doesn’t exist or is over diagnosed or “trendy”. I know all too well its real.

But dispensing armchair diagnosis is very much in vogue at the moment and everyone likes to think they can spot neurodiversity.

concertinacornflake · 14/09/2026 19:21

It's rude of him to ask such a personal question. The fact someone wondered this about you is no cause for embarrassment as the behaviour is not embarrassing, but his question was inappropriate in a professional setting.

Random321 · 14/09/2026 19:22

Tbf, it's not a question he should haved asked, same as any other personal question.

However being asked if you autistic isn't a an insult or a reason for embarrassment.

My favourite people to work with are people who think differently to me. He was probably thinking and acknowledge that but just expressed it in a really poor way.

Anarchy99 · 14/09/2026 19:24

So you think you might be ND but you are surprised by someone mentioning it?

He was clearly blunt and ND people can often pick up on the traits with other people. So he may well be.

Why are you embarrassed? I’m AuDHD - what is there to be embarrassed about?

WhatNextImScared · 14/09/2026 19:26

Botoxx · 14/09/2026 18:58

I feel embarrassed tho of how I’m coming across! No one else has said this to me ever. Of anything I’ve been described as too emotional! That’s opposite of autistic isn’t it? Or am I wrong

Show quote history

No, that’s not right. Women with autism often demonstrate excess empathy and sensitivity (I have a DD with autism).

But the main issue here is that it was totally unprofessional of your colleague to ask about personal medical information. Even if you were autistic, you have every right not to disclose that information.

HoraceCope · 14/09/2026 19:28

whether or not he said autistic, the rest of his comment was complimentary

HulkHogansHair · 14/09/2026 19:29

Im asked all the time. I just laugh it off

Scout2016 · 14/09/2026 19:29

Was there a "you're very direct for a woman" and/ or a "bloody hell, that woman's crazy idea was actually right" who'd expect a woman to have a creative thought and be right? element to it maybe?
As in, would he have thought the same if you were male?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/09/2026 19:29

What a bloomin cheek!

The clue is in his own statement

"he said my mind works so uniquely that often I say things and he realises after that I was right."

say.. "Well at least you catch up eventually"

It's none of his damn business to be putting labels on you, or sitting there and analysing you.

Nip this in the bud. It will be opening a can of worms and he could start openly refering to it, and in front of other colleagues too if you are not careful. Loose lips sink ships. I'd be a lot less open with him after this. You still have the other colleague to chat to.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 14/09/2026 19:30

There's absolutely nothing embarrassing about being thought of as autistic.

Chilltme · 14/09/2026 19:32

If he mentions it again you could ask him if he’s got personal experience of being diagnosed with autism as he’s clearly also a very direct person

Weirdpig · 14/09/2026 19:32

He's made himself sound a bit stupid.

ItsAlwaysTwins · 14/09/2026 19:34

How rude of him.

Anarchy99 · 14/09/2026 19:43

Chilltme · 14/09/2026 19:32

If he mentions it again you could ask him if he’s got personal experience of being diagnosed with autism as he’s clearly also a very direct person

And if he says he has? What’s the OP going to say to him. She’s embarrassed at the idea of being ND - he may not be.

It’s like the ‘did you mean to be so rude’. The correct reply is ‘yes I did’ and then watch the person who thinks they are clever get tongue tied 🤣

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 14/09/2026 19:44

Chilltme · 14/09/2026 19:32

If he mentions it again you could ask him if he’s got personal experience of being diagnosed with autism as he’s clearly also a very direct person

And so what if he does?

There's nothing wrong with being autistic.

ColdAsAWitches · 14/09/2026 19:54

Chilltme · 14/09/2026 19:32

If he mentions it again you could ask him if he’s got personal experience of being diagnosed with autism as he’s clearly also a very direct person

Yeah, I don't think this is the insult you think it is. You're not coming across very well here.